Entertaining Clients: Throwing a Birthday Party

Some nice birthday gifts received from Catherine’s friends today and a wonderful party all around.

My wife did a lot to make it special and I was moved by the beauty of her happily getting lost in what truly was a labor of love…a commitment to excite and thrill our little girl.  

We stayed up pretty late the night before preparing hand-made decorations and favors in order to construct an “Arts & Crafts” themed party. She monogramed white oversized children’s oxfords with different colored fabric letters for guests to use as smocks they could use at the party and then take home. She also put together a “make-your-own party hat” station as one of the activities for the day and “sock puppet kits” comprised of everything from the sock with cardboard mouth pre-glued in to eyes, whiskers, spots and anything else required for the respective animal or creature-in-a-bag. These kits were packed in their goody bags as well. We both really enjoyed thinking of the animals and characters for which we spent hours cutting out their parts from sheets of felt and making a few of our own along the way.

The sample sock puppet my wife made was hilarious! It actually had a Muppet-like personality. Green yarn hair. Black googley eyes (complete with eyebrows), a long pointy nose and a long thin black mustache. I couldn’t stop laughing when she put it on for a trial run and made “Juan” immediately come alive with his Spanish accent and adult humor. 

Bottom Line: Committing to Being the Primary Care Giver... and Savoring It

“Researchers have found that those who have made a strong commitment to an identity tend to be happier and healthier than those who have not. Those with a status of identity diffusion tend to feel out of place in the world and don't pursue a sense of identity.”

Kendra Cherry,

Identity Crisis - Theory and Research

Throughout all of this, I have had several moments of clarity…perhaps it would be more accurate to describe the latest as my great epiphany…not my discovery that industrial rolls of HP print paper are cheaper by the foot than the ALEX or Crayola brands that also fit the Potterybarn Kids Craft Table…it is rather my realization that, although I may continue to rely heavily on the skill sets I learned and honed in my previous jobs; I am really missing out on a tremendous amount of joy and closeness with my daughter by selfishly treating the responsibility of being her full-time father like a professional pursuit or project that could be mastered. I am realizing the necessity of committing to my new identity half-way through my year “sabbatical” of being a stay-at-home dad. Although I am grateful for this break-through, I can’t help but think of how short a window you have to assume a completely new identity …and by the time you figure things out, you may just miss it all.  I gave everything I had but confident that I missed-out on a lot in the beginning.  Sometimes I wonder if my learning curve would have been shortened if I had a father (as many women have mothers) to turn to…or any other man, similarly engaged, who was able to share their wisdom derived from a similar experience.  I spoke to my mom yesterday who told me, once again, that “…it goes by in the blink of an eye.” Only this time I understood. My mom continues to comfort me with her ability to commiserate, understand, laugh with, support and encourage me. I will tell her, today, that she is the reason I have so much to give my daughter and motivates me to share this diary in hope that I can shorten the learning curve for at least one other like-minded former working dad.

The following is an edited excerpt taken from: http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/identitycrisis.htm

According to Erik Erikson, an identity crisis is a time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself… His studies of cultural life among the Yurok of northern California and the Sioux of South Dakota helped formalize Erikson's ideas about identity development and identity crisis.

Erikson described identity as "a subjective sense as well as an observable quality of personal sameness and continuity, paired with some belief in the sameness and continuity of some shared world image. But it was James Marcia (1966, 1976, 1980) who expanded upon Erikson's initial theory. According to Marcia and his colleagues, the balance between identity and confusion lies in making a commitment to an identity. Marcia also developed an interview method to measure identity as well as four different identity statuses. This methods looks at three different areas of functioning: occupational role, beliefs and values and sexuality.

Identity Statuses

Identity achievement occurs when an individual has gone through an exploration of different identities and made a commitment to one.

Moratorium is the status of a person who is actively involved in exploring different identities, but has not made a commitment.

Foreclosure status is when a person has made a commitment without attempting identity exploration.

Identity diffusion occurs when there is neither an identity crisis or commitment.

Researchers have found that those who have made a strong commitment to an identity tend to be happier and healthier than those who have not. Those with a status of identity diffusion tend to feel out of place in the world and don't pursue a sense of identity.

In today's rapidly changing world, identity crises are more common today than in Erikson's day. Exploring different aspects of yourself in the different areas of life, including your role at work, within the family, and in romantic relationships, can help strengthen your personal identity.

Good Money After Bad? - Our Dog's 2nd Surgery (canis secretariat familiaris)

After a couple of difficult months, our 1yr old Newfoundland (Lulu) was ready to take her rehab to the final step: Aqua Therapy. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief, not only because Lulu was getting better, but because this meant we would be able to take-up the grey non-slip indoor-outdoor carpeting I had duct-taped to the hardwood floors throughout our downstairs. We hated those strips of carpeting. It made our home look like it was under construction. We got so accustomed to them though...that, until we noticed people staring at them, we would forgot to explain the reason for them being there. 

So the moment we walk through the door to the Physical Therapy Center, she immediately dropped to the floor and began yelping in pain.  Literally, the second she walked through the door. This dog never yelps or cries out in pain. It was like the Kennedy Assassination sans grassy knoll….or any gunmen…but just a sudden and equally significant. Just as the therapist guessed, it was another torn ACL and although we said “this is it.” after the last one...we decided that, in light of i) all the effort and expense we already put in ii)Catherine’s developing attachment iii) the fact that she was only a year old and would likely recover well because of that...perhaps it wouldn’t be good money after bad.

So we decided to repeat the whole damn process of getting a TPLO for her other leg. Only this time we decided to bring in some part-time help because I’m not the goddamned Dog Whisperer!

Enter an amazing professional dog therapist and walker named Meagan. Meagan really is a huge help but now puts the number of house staff in excess of the people actually living here... which makes it kinda feel like we're not really managing things that well.

Perspective: I Thought The Restaurant Business was Tough...

After 6 mos. of being a full-time dad I don’t think anyone could possibly imagine how difficult it is to be a full-time parent of a toddler unless they've done it themselves (for longer than a week or two). That being said, my wife recently attended a seminar in which they discussed the importance of understanding different perceptions of stress especially at home. Although surgeons may have to work under an incalculable amount of stress (and often with little sleep) in knowing that children’s lives hang in the balance and that there is no margin for error; everyone’s individual stress limit is relative to their own experience and personal threshold but no less in perceived magnitude.

I previously thought that very few people worked as hard as I did in the restaurant business. My dedication and sacrifice served as a source of pride for many years. Being somewhat of a professional masochist enabled me to develop a sense of self based on emotional co-dependence and giving up that which was most important to me: family, friends and the possibility of a long-lasting relationship. (The same things my wife sacrificed but with the greater mental and physical challenges… not to mention the longer hours and greater commitment that medical school and residency demands.)

“No one ever knows how difficult anyone else’s job ever is until they have to do it”. I’ve heard the adage at least a few hundred times before but it is the most humbling thing I've learned in trading my ego for closeness with my daughter...a joy few fathers ever have the opportunity to experience. I’m grateful for this blessing and the resulting humility.  

Setting Up Shop: Stocking a Playroom

My wife and I went to the craft store yesterday and bought a shopping cart so full of stuff (colored cotton balls and pipe cleaners to popsicle sticks and finger paints) the cashier thought  we were teachers and gave us a discount. Catherine now has her own supply closet in her playroom located in our basement...which we prefer to call: “The Way-Downstairs” (as an homage to “the way back” of the classic Country Squire Station Wagons that very few families were lucky enough to own in the 70’s).

Go-To-Market Strategy: Finding Teaching Oppotunities Everywhere

No longer is the free cookie at the bakery department our motivation for getting to the market. I’ve really learned that taking your time in an isle may be time consuming but very fun and rewarding if you have the time to begin with….I realize that not everyone can spend two hours at Wegman’s but after growing tired of the stress induced by rushing through the market in an effort to  beat the meltdown clock with a tired and bored little girl who wants to walk, then be carried then be placed in the cart…I decided to view the supermarket as a classroom and as a playground.  It makes for a much less stressful errand… and I no longer get those apathetic looks of annoyance from the masses of fellow shoppers I used to stop just short of smashing into with every turn or acceleration of my cart.

Bringing a shopping list and hunting for items at the grocery store with Catherine has proved not only to be fun but also serve as practical Montessorial exercises in reading, conceptual math and coordination.

Now, we not only look for the specific items we write on the list, but also the appropriate size and weight…which we translate to “units” thanks to our good friends: Team Umizoomi.

Today, I had Catherine sit in the cart while I placed a 1lb bag of rice in her lap. I told her it was 1lb or 1 “unit”. Then I replaced it with a 10lb bag of rice. I plopped it right in her lap while announcing that “This one is 10 units!”.  I asked her to describe what the bags felt like and which one felt heavier. I then began asking her over and over again to make sure and repeated this exercise until she couldn’t stop laughing. The take away here: Bags of rice are “squishy” and 10 units is heavier than 1 unit….and half of the people shopping at the market today probably think I smoke pot.

Capital Improvements: Best Money We've Spent So Far...

A few things my wife and I recently discussed as really being the best gifts/things we ever received/purchased for our Catherine (outside of her car seat and miniature kitchen which both count as necessities in my book).

• The Learning Tower-http://www.sensationalbeginnings.com/Item--i-F-3-699X      I thought this thing was just a super safe step-stool at first but it has quickly become a real learning tool and way for me to include my daughter in everything that goes down in the kitchen. The tower enables me to happily oblige her when she says “I want to help!” I include her in everything from meal preparation (she mostly just mixes ingredients I’m not really using and pours liquids from one container to another) to “washing” plastic containers and metal bowls we refer to as “dishes”.

• Swing Chair- http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2384&e=product&pid=45667      Would never have been able to take a shower without one.

• Dog (Newfoundland)- http://www.ncanewfs.org/      Our Dog Lulu is Catherine's absolute best friend in the world (next to our neighbor’s daughter Sophie)…also read somewhere that pet dander helps children develop a healthy immunity and resistance to allergies...not to mention the fact that our dog is much more efficient under the kitchen table than a Roomba.

• Badger Basket Stackable Toy Bins- http://www.target.com/p/badger-basket-three-bin-storage-cubby-white/-/A-13849987#prodSlot=large_3_25      A place for everything….and now she is responsible to sort all her toys and put them back in their appropriate place. Really a gift for everyone.

• iPad- http://www.apple.com/ipad/       From Face Time with grandparents to math and language games…this also keeps her entertained in the car, on the potty, at a restaurant…and we, surprisingly, have not had any difficulty limiting her exposure to TV/iPad time to under 2 hrs./day.

• Bouncy Balls- http://www.alibaba.com/productgs/528105899/Plastic_Balls_for_Playgrounds.html  You know those 8.5” bounce balls you see stored in wire cages at the supermarket and Toys R Us? Well, I could remember being a kid and always thinking it would be cool to have a whole room full of them (perhaps a result of watching Richard Pryor in “The Toy” more times than I could count). I was grocery shopping one day and randomly decided to buy a whole shopping cart full of them. When I realized that the balls were on sale for 79 cents and that the whole cart only cost about $8, I decided to fill another cart and bring home 20 of those balls…which looks like a lot more when they’re all over the foyer. We had so much fun bouncing, kicking and tossing those balls all over the place the night I brought them home! We ended up putting them in Catherine’s playroom along with about 60 helium balloons for her birthday party… which was immediately dubbed “Balloons Room”.

• Seaside Sidekicks’ Sand Cupcakes Set- http://www.melissaanddoug.com/seaside-sidekicks-sand-cupcake-set     Colored Plastic Cupcake Sand Molds that we first saw these at the Westin in Grand Cayman. Catherine showed  interest in playing with another child (for the first time) who was playing with these plastic cupcakes at the pool one day so we picked up our own set at the gift shop the following day. They not only serve as our go-to beach or pool toy, but also as the perfect icebreaker at playgrounds with sandboxes. 

• Simply Hero Boys Superhero Cape and Mask Set-         http://www.sears.com/search=simply+hero+boys+superhero+cape+mask+red+super+hero+cape+costume+toddlercatalogId=12605&autoRedirect=false&storeId=10153&yikes_prod=true                                                                                                                                                      The best five bucks we’ve ever spent! Picked it up as an impulse buy at Wal-Mart and turned into Catherine’s costume our (almost) daily game Catherine invented called: “Super Bunny Saves The Day!” …and a more productive game that Daddy invented called: “Rescue the mail from the mailbox!”.

Development: She's Finally O.K. Alone with Daddy

"Bye Bye Mommy" started out as a sad cry upon my wife’s departure for work every morning but has now finally evolved, for both my daughter and me, into a sincere farewell based on an elevated comfort-level with Daddy being here.

“Bye Bye Mommy!!! Have a good day!” Catherine says several times at the garage door. Then she'll blow a bunch kisses and excitedly call: “Catch it Mommy!” after each one.

Our cheerful and heartfelt goodbyes now serve as my daily reminder that we’re going to be o.k.

"Bye Bye Mommy!" is beginning to sound more and more like a prophetic mantra of the American family whose structure is undergoing a gradual tectonic shift.    

S.M.A.R.T. Goals: What I Learned From Super-Moms

Thank God for Perfectionist Moms! I know a few and would never mention them by name as it seems cruel to label anyone who has my sincere sympathy. We’re not all-together that uncommon. I often find myself being pushed to accomplish the impossible and be the best parent I can out of fear that I’m not doing enough or offering the right things (I know I'm sounding a little The Road Less Traveled  here...). These tightly wound women are the moms that push their children to be potty trained at 10 months old and drill math, language and spelling flash cards at 12 months. I’m not saying it’s wrong to raise children that way. Hey, to each his (or her) own….but I don’t think additional stress brought on by the pressure to perform that far ahead of the curve is doing much more that transferring stress and anxiety to the child….and I see it in the meltdowns and inability to discern sarcasm with these kids. I think a child who develops with encouragement, acceptance and access to the tools that can help them end up being far more comfortable in their own skin and socially well-adjusted….which I believe will allow them to excel later in life.  

Speaking of tools to assist in development... I wouldn’t have a clue as to what is available out there without these overly-ambitious moms. I am grateful to all of them. Without them I would never have discovered: the Sprout channel, Super Readers, Word World or Apps like: Memory Train, Alphabet by Piikea, Dora Skywriter & Dora ABC’s, Hungry Guppy, Umi Numbers, Alphabet tracing, Italian Cards, Dot to Dot Numbers and Letters, Nick Jr’s A-Z and Count Bees. (Catherine's i world has considerably grown from what used to be flash memory super-saturated  with Max and Ruby episodes to now include Toca Band, Toca Tailor, Toca anything really…episodes of Jake and The Neverland Pirates, Pinky Dinky Doo, Micky Mouse Clubhouse, Doc McStuffins, Small Potatoes, Diego and Peppa Pig.)

It's tough not to feel inadequate or at least question my fitness as a parent when I fall in the trap of comparing myself to others doing an incredible job. After being faced with subtly raised eyebrows and awkward pauses upon my explaining that Catherine was not yet potty trained at 2; I uncomfortably remarked: “I’m pretty sure she’s not going to show up for junior high wearing a diaper….I mean, I don’t know of any fifteen year olds who are still crapping in their pants.... It’ll happen.”

That comment went over as well as Drag Show at a RNC engagement. 

I continue to appreciate Perfectionist Moms not only for their exemplary child management but also for the deluge of educational tools they bring to light. Although it requires a bit of filtering, Catherine would not be thriving as well as she is in a world that, even at 2, seems to be pretty damn competitive sometimes.

Critical Mass: Dad's Breaking Point

This is my Hell Week.

My wife has been on-call more nights than not and my load has doubled overnight.

I sometimes wonder if what has become a painfully monotonous routine for me, is actually a healthy and stable environment for a two year old….and then I realize that a daddy whose brain is turning into tapioca can’t be healthy for anyone. 

I read somewhere that the human mind craves complex problem solving and if it’s one thing I feel more than anything, it’s the absence of that.

My greatest challenges this week are:

1.)Fighting the feelings of guilt associated with loving my daughter more than anything in the world but simply seeking an end to the adorable but non-stop chatter that often prevents me from being able to form a complete thought and on the occasion I do...actually get it out.

2.) Developing a comfort-level with abandoning any and all game plans at any given moment and completely changing direction on a dime. 

3.) Taking our debilitated dog out to go to the bathroom in the backyard with a little girl. I’ve tried allowing her to stay inside on a couple of occasions when she didn’t want to go outside with me but, to be honest, I just can’t take knowing that something bad could happen to her and I’d never hear it.  When she DOES come outside with me, she demands constant attention and the look of complete heartbreak rises up in her when I don’t rush to collect the leaves... or dandelions... or whatever she’s found and lovingly offered to me as a present.

It's not so easy to quell my inner riot when I'm trying to get a dog which is mirroring my energy and lacking full use of it’s hind legs, to relax long enough in order to generate a solid bowel movement...  and at the same time, mentally prepare for the possibility of having to give our 120lb long-haired dog a bath in the event her shit gets all over her fur…as it usually does when she has diarrhea as a result of stress. That's an intimate moment neither of us enjoys. 

4.) Taking a shower. Frequently, when I’m in the shower, I suffer a level of anxiety that seems just a bit north of rational. I’m paranoid that something horrible is going to happen and I’m not going to hear it. I imagine my daughter bleeding out or not being able to breathe as a result of some accident that has just occurred close-by without my even knowing. Sometimes I think I hear a thud or her crying out and I’ll back away from the showerhead ...or worse, run out of the shower (as I have done on several occasions) only to find her quietly playing with her i pad... safe and sound) It’s kinda like being so sure you hear your cell phone ringing….so you stop for a second… and listen… intently… and then realize it never did. Well…I guess it’s like that... times 1000.

Common Area Maintenance: Common Ground Shared with Stay-At-Home-Moms

“We thought of inviting you ...but then figured you probably weren’t interested in hanging out with a bunch of moms.”      -Almost every stay-at-home mom I’ve ever met 

Play dates, although awkward at first, are proving to be another great way to break the mind numbing monotony of our days while offering the opportunity to enjoy conversation (albeit brief) with another adult human being.  I think it doesn’t occur to most stay-at-home moms that I might have a lot in common with them….like a sincere desire for company and fun with my child.

Accountability: The Importance of Consistent Consequence

It’s still amazing that, in the course of my day, my ability to see any task (from pouring a glass of water or folding laundry to completing a bowel movement) through to completion without interruption is impossible.

There are two other things that never cease to amaze me are:

1. Driving slowly in the left lane is not considered a moving violation and grounds for immediate impound of the driver’s vehicle.  

If you’re driving in the left lane and you can travel at the same speed one lane to your right… then please move over. The left lane really is supposed to be the passing lane.

and

2. Parents training their children to mind them only when they are screaming out of utter frustration.

If you calmly tell your child to stop doing something or there will be some consequence… and they don’t stop immediately…then bring on the damn consequence!... regardless of how inconvenient it might be.

Job Title: So...What Do I Do?

I wish there was a term to accurately describe what I'm doing so that I  could more comfortably answer the question: "So, What do you do?"

I often hear people using the term “Stay-At-Home-Dad” in everyday conversation… and have also seen it abbreviated as: “S.A.H.D."  which not only looks like “SAD”…but would also be pronounced phonetically as: “SAD”.  I’m amazed that the term was actually ever even coined because “staying home” is the exact opposite of what I do every day.

“House Husband” is as insulting as “House Wife” regardless of whether or not  it conjures up images of the reality show “Real  Housewives” who seem to be as disconnected with reality as they are their children....or thoughts of the more traditional "House Wife", who are unjustly stereotyped as lazy shopaholics who start every day with Pilates and enjoy martini lunches after tennis.  Either way it’s undeserving for the men and women I know who are the primary care providers in the family.

“Professional Dad” sounds like someone who is taking themselves way too seriously… and I question the professionalism of any occupation with the word “professional” in the title.

“Mr. Mom” suggests some gender role reversal between mom and dad resulting in dad becoming a man with a penchant for gossip and an addiction to the ellen show... not to mention the notion that somewhere out there coming through the front door at any moment is “Mrs. Dad”… which is far too frightening for me to even imagine.

“Full-Time Dad” would be o.k. because it suggests a high level of multi-tasking however, neglects the additional role of “Part-Time Mom” most other “S.A.H.D."s and I assume.

"Sherpa" may be offensive to Sherpas.

Perhaps the absence of an appropriate moniker is due to the fact that my generation is still on the cusp of redefining gender and parental roles.

What about “O.H.P.D.T.F.P.M”?  It's an acronym for: One Hundred Percent Dad & Twenty Five Percent Mom?  

Or is that too long?

I’ve got it....

“New American Dads” which can be abbreviated “N.A.D.S.” 

Working Late: Trying to Remain Professionally Relevant

A three hour (and sometimes two and a half hour) nap simply isn’t enough time to get any real work done. The stop and start is killing me…which shouldn't surprise me since I wasn't ever able to get enough done in a normal work day before. I have an obsessive compulsion to continue working on segments of projects that are always “almost done”… if that makes any sense.

Although I don't believe I'm one of those people who confuse working longer with working harder...my definition of significant progress seems to be “just a little more” than what I’ve accomplished once I realize it’s time to head home.  I hate leaving much of anything “on the table” for tomorrow. And now, it's even worse. I’m going to have to add late-night hours to the mix. Since Catherine goes down at around 8:30-9:00pm (a bedtime my mother delicately but persistently reminds me: “is not good for a baby”) so I should be able to do some additional work done from 10 until 1 or 2 in the morning.

Time Management: Juggling Work and Childcare

My late night schedule is working out pretty well. At the cost of going to bed with my wife, I’ve been able to take the lead on some legwork and re-package a construction debt placement proposal. Successfully managing this client is going to require some creativity in selling the developers on weekend site visits and meetings. It shouldn’t be too difficult as most of our conference calls can be scheduled during my daughter’s daytime naps. We hired a new assistant who should be able to work on this with me and fill-in when I’m “otherwise engaged”.  I’m also working with a client who can only meet on weekends (perfect!) and has a fairly large portfolio of un-leveraged properties which should make recapitalizing them require much less time than I had originally expected.  The heavy lifting required here is the creation of a global financial snapshot (which can be done at any hour) once I have all of his records. This just may work out after all. Shopping the debt piece shouldn’t take very long and can be done one phone call at a time….again during Catherine's naps.  I have a third client for whom I’m providing restaurant consulting services. We’ve already developed the concept, identified three potential sites and prepared his financials. The only things left to do now are: his operations manual, new hire orientation packets and redlining the counters to our LOIs…all of which I can do from home as well. It’s probably going to be exhausting but it is the only alternative I can think of to stave off industry irrelevance and professional atrophy in general. 

Watching The Clock: Feeling Terrible about Being Bored

I love my daughter with every ounce of my being but my ego keeps beating me up and making me feel like a glorified baby sitter. I’m just feeling unproductive. I need to be productive. I miss conversations with adults and being interested in my day. This amazing little girl of mine wants nothing more than to have me as her playmate. To play or paint or pretend with me. It’s a remarkable challenge to constantly come up with ideas and activities that are entertaining and fun for both of us. I try to adopt the mindset of a child and build cardboard castles or pillow forts but after 10 minutes, it’s all I can do to stay awake. I’m bored. I need to figure out a way to continue working …part-part-time. Something. Anything from home, Perhaps I can get some work done while she takes her three hour nap. That should be enough time to make a few phone calls and review a contract or two.

Game Changer: Transitioning From Working Dad to Stay-Home Dad

When my wife and I became parents we suddenly found decision-making much more simplified. It all came down to what’s best for our baby. I was a workaholic when it occurred to my wife and me that we could afford to do better than a Nanny for our daughter who, at two years old, required much more than love, attention and regular feedings. Our Nanny was wonderful! And for two years, she faithfully and reliably provided everything our daughter needed in our absence.  We soon realized that the mental development of a child was not only astonishing in itself, but also accelerating at rate we never anticipated…far more rapid than the now seemingly slower development of balance and dexterity which we prayed then cheered for. The necessity to incorporate more cognitive exercises into play and “feed” this little learning machine became increasingly important to us and increasingly beyond the ability of her hired care provider. School was not yet an option because we had adopted the “natural course” method of potty training and thus were still changing diapers on outgrown changing tables.  It was clear that since we could comfortably sustain ourselves on just one salary, the ideal scenario would be for one of us to stay home until she was both of school-age and potty trained. The promise of dinners, weekends and holidays together was a no-brainer. The question as to who would stay home with her was answered as quickly as it was conceived. It was a matter of simple economics really... my wife is a surgeon while I was a restaurant consultant and commercial real estate broker in a down market.

There's a scene in the film Cast Away in which Tom Hanks’ character, Chuck, finally builds a raft capable of taking him past the breaking surf that has held him captive on a deserted island for years.  Once Chuck realizes that he has overcome the surf and is in the open water, he rows himself away from his former prison and begins to weep while watching it get smaller and smaller on the horizon.

With over twenty years of experience in the restaurant industry and a successful consulting business taking off, being a stay-at-home dad would be an escape from: long hours, constant drama, exhausting redundancy and hidden stress for what I knew would be a better life. But, like Chuck, I understood how painful it is to leave everything you know (good or bad) and everything you have become behind. 

“DBA: Daddy” represents the paradox and resulting identity crisis with which I am struggling. It reflects my belief that being a stay-at-home-dad demands the honing of every skill-set I previously utilized in my professional pursuits. “DBA: Daddy” is now a way of sharing my transition from “working dad” to “stay-at-home dad” with anyone else who thinks that they too are probably the only guy at Gymboree mentally calculating the franchisee’s Bottom Line based on average class size, hours of operation, number of employees and market rent per square foot.