Trends: Catherine's Favorite Apps & Shows

It's not just "Scooby Doo", "Teen Titans Go!", "My Little Pony", "Paw Patrol", "Rescue Bots" and "Wild Kratts" that have captured the attention, mind and heart of our 4yr old.

If she has a handheld device and she's not dancing to Beyonce, Bob Marley or Trout Fishing in America, she's probably engaged with one of these children's apps or shows:

Peg + Cat

Wallykazzam

Cyber Chase

Music Box

Blocks World

Smoothie Maker

Itsy Bitsy

Mechanic Mike

Baby Heroes

Toca Builders

Lego Friends

Intro To Letters

Toca Lab

Ocean

Forest Flyer

Pet Cafe

Littlest Pet Shop

Letter School

Word Girl

Kids Doodle

Doc McStuffins Paint & Play

Sago Mini Space Explorer

Super Why

Little Builders

UmiNumbers

Doctor X

The Big Gig

Little Rock Planet

Vegie Tales

Littlest Petshop

Strawberry Shortcake Sweet Shop & Bake Shop

Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood

Beyonce's "SIngle Ladies" Music Video

Mike Mulligan: The Nature of Independence

I've read "Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel" by Virginia Lee Burton several hundred times but only recently recognized it as a wonderful tale depicting the most common pitfall that exists for individual consultants who garner most of their acclaim from previous projects on which they excelled as part of a larger team.

If you're looking to start a consulting business (or looking to hire a consultant), remember that experience, integrity and energy are only half of the skills required. The real magic is born from a team ("...and some others") comprised of complementary partners who work together synergistically and with prudence...otherwise the individual often ends up like Mike - in a perfectly dug hole running the whole project by themselves...as the janitor.

The realization of this Children's story as such a metaphor came to me when, on Independence Day, Catherine began swimming "on her own".  With the exception of a few dozen photos sent out to my mother and father-in-law, the only person with whom we shared the exciting news was her swimming instructor Kiri.

We were staying at a hotel on Monarch Beach in California and spent half of our time there enjoying the family pool area. Catherine woke up on the morning of July 4th and after watching several other children jumping, swimming and splashing around her (some in water wings and some in puddle jumpers like her). Some clung to their parents and others exhibited an independence that seemed to fascinate and motive her at the same time. After observing them all for several minutes, she asked me to take off her puddle-jumpers and before I knew what was happening she said "Watch this Daddy! Im a torpedo"!!!! She dropped below the surface, bent her knees, pushed off of me and propelled herself under the water to the middle of the pool.

Her recent swimming lessons had been private ones which we avoided at first because we so badly wanted to provide the advantages (not to mention cost savings) that group lessons afforded her: socialization, positive associations, water toys, waiting your turn, etc... but when group lessons for her skill level were only offered 10 mins after school or at our family's dinner hour, we elected to sign her up for private lessons. This thrilled her since the instructor was a former babysitter whom she idolized! Her instructor, Kiri, had a wonderful gentleness about her, an ability to communicate well with children but also a strength in character that would shine through whenever we overheard her during swimming lessons saying things like: "...are you asking me a question or offering me an answer?...then say it like an answer."  Without the giggles, smiles and fun... subtle lessons in confidence like those may very well have come across differently...perhaps as intimidating but acceptable as corps de rigueur in any coaching scenario. But this was different. Kiri was having fun with Catherine. Earning her respect and building pride with firmness followed by praise. They were a good team that took Catherine to a new level of comfort in the pool with her new sense of daily accomplishment. I've never seen a child work so hard. I was impressed at the intensity of her focus and how she would push herself to near exhaustion. Kiri helped Catherine reach a milestone in learning to swim the week before we left.

She was able to show Catherine that while her head and body might submerge just under the surface during a tummy float (with her face in the water) her body would not sink any further.  I viewed this moment as an almost palpable turning point in her self-confidence and thus willingness to mentally make the leap from trying to swim to swimming.   

I heard myself saying "She's doing it"! "She's Swimming all on her own! How incredible that she learned to swim independently on Independence Day!"...then I corrected myself. She didn't really "start" swimming just then. This had been the culmination of a tremendous amount of hard work on her part but also of an astonishing amount of patience, gentle encouragement, wisdom and awareness from every coach and every assistant over the last year and a half. This moment of independence was also the result of friendships forged, encouragement, praise and friendly competition with the other children in the eight classes she had taken before private lessons. She didn't start swimming that weekend in California.  She started swimming independently that weekend...and upon our next bedtime reading of Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, I immediately recognized the fact that independence is meerely a momentary suspension of collaboration like the defying of gravity one experiences due to the elasticity of a trampoline that  must be met repeatedly to be buoyed as one might be by the support of a dynamic team.

Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel (AKA "skill set") had only gotten where they were because of the teams with which they had worked.

We can excel independently but only momentarily because of the need for support of others along the way.

In short, independence is as much as an illusion...or better yet delusion as the western concept of Individualism. Individualsm is not a state of existence as much it is merely the momentary absence of collective collaboration.

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe"

-John Muir

Continuing Education: The Romantic Nature of Learning

"Art is everywhere, except it has to pass through a creative mind."

-Louise Nevelson

There is artistry in education. The appreciation of its design depends largely on one’s ability to contemplate the beauty of its magnificent impact with moral imagination.  If you take the time to step back and deconstruct the material world, educational lessons are revealed in its design. This is the cornerstone of Montessori . Facilitating an understanding of the world by developing a core of knowledge based on experiencing its physical properties (AKA: Tactile Learning). The more comprehensive these experiences are... the deeper one's understanding of the world may become.

Lasting impressions of the physical world create reference points for not only our creativity and imagination but for the development of our vocabulary and the most basic means of communication as well.

In the book "Thought In The Act", Erin Manning + Brian Massumi describe life experience as: "...the intangible." I interpret this to mean that one can only imagine the intangible and our imaginations are the creative applications of mental associations we make with our physical understandings of the world. The breadth of one's learning can therefore directly impact the extent to which one experiences life and can imagine. This is the mindset from which we attempt to re-discover and re-define the world with, and for, our daughter.

"I would like to recapture that freshness of vision which is characteristic of extreme youth when all the world is new to it."
-Henri Matisse

My wife and I are driven to give our daughter a life filled with as much joy as possible (without being detrimental) while empowering her to make a positive contribution to the world and leave it in a better condition than the one in which it is presented to her. Whether or not she elects to take on such a noble pursuit will be up to her…but we at least want her to be possessed with the requisite awareness in order to give her a better shot at it if she tries. We believe that the attainment of this awareness is made easier if we adopt a Montessorial approach to our introduction to the world (meaning: deconstructing everything to its most basic physical components, qualities and relationships in order to promote an appreciation of both individual components and their relationships within various contexts as well). Employing this method of modeling (and thus parenting) has been very much like arranging a marriage between Socratic Questioning and the slow motion filming techniques that transform amazing feats of wildlife like the flight mechanics of a bird's wing, into what the BBC calls "...full scale events, and simple action into incredibly detailed video sequences." The results are impossible to imagine let alone perceive with the naked eye. When a sequence filmed at a high frame rate (fps) is played back in normal time (24fps), the action appears to slow down. As camera technology improves, ultra high-speed footage of over 1,000fps produces ever more astonishing images. Hidden secrets are revealed, new science is discovered and tiny subtleties in animal behaviour become perceptible.".

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see."
-Edgar Degas

On Grocery Shopping:
As parents we often worry more about our children's happiness than our own...and some of us can imagine the smallest amount of potential suffering (even boredom) having lasting detrimental effects to their overall emotional well-being. It sounds crazy... and that's mostly because, well...it is.

After being blessed with a seemingly perpetual sidekick, I suddenly began viewing one of my favorite things in the world: grocery shopping, as a boring chore for our little one and more of a "necessary evil" than anything. I went to great lengths in order to minimize our time in any market and thus mitigate, what I had perceived to be, my daughters suffering.

My weekly mission was to make grocery shopping as fast and as painless as possible. To enter and to leave with military precision. I was a Supermarket S.E.A.L.  and the strike zone encompassed every square inch from the parking lot to the pastry case. As such, it required utilizing my strategic operations experience to develop shopping lists that would direct our travel path from paper products and laundry supplies to dairy and frozen foods (which...to me, is still the most efficient travel path through a grocery store.)

Once I considered the fact that my general stress level was likely being transmitted at some level to my daughter, I took a step back and looked at this mundane chore of gathering stuff with my Montessorial monocle. After doing so, I was able to recognize educational opportunities existing everywhere! It didn't take long to start enjoying the lessons that every isle and every purchase offered.  I think I, like so many other people, shop as they drive. One with the cart. Operating it with a sort of tunnel vision. Half-blind to the other people in the store in that- I saw them mostly as slow moving obstacles in my path to hunting, gathering and surgically extracting a list of items amid a course made from thousands of bar coded goods. The fact that there are so many different products & foodstuffs in a myriad of: colors, textures, shapes and sizes alone...combined with the wide range of pricing makes for an exceptional environment full of physical stimulus there for the taking!  Add to this the potential multitude of non-verbal lessons in social psychology once one begins navigating with others as opposed to through them. Explaining that pictures don't necessarily match what's in the box or naming an animal that eats a particular food...even the act of writing then reading a shopping list together and checking off the items holds a wealth of practical modeling applications.

New and exciting games emerge when a scale is viewed as an educational toy instead of a tool for commerce. Guessing how many units or "pounds" of bananas we want and then showing my three year old just how many bananas her guess of 7 pounds actually equates to…and feels in her arms....can be hilarious! And physically comprehending the difference between a 1lb bag of rice in her lap vs. a 10lb pound bag in her lap is just one of the countless physical comparisons that make long lasting impressions while eliciting a heart-warming amount of laughter.

This is enjoyable education. It's fun. it's free. And it forms the basis of enjoying physical connections with the world and learning from them. The food market has now become not only less stressful for me... but actually much more enjoyable than it ever was.  Seeing how much five of something costs compared to how much ten of the same thing costs can be a real lesson in both mathematics as well as economics.

“There is no single word, equivalent to literacy or numeracy, that expresses wrighting and wroughting (that is the ability to make – as in wheelwright, shipwright, cartwright). In late 18th and early 19th century the role of schools in preparing children to work in manufacturing industry would have been seen to have had a greater vocational and economic relevance than it would today.”

-Brian Stevens: The Three Rs and The Education Journal #307

We never refer to “shopping” as math or economics or physics or psychology... just as we don't refer to other skill sets such as addition or penmanship in the Montessori classroom as such. We focus on the romantic nature of letters and numbers and what they physically mean so that we can draw them, hold them, trace them, count and separate them, etc... This sensual connection between touch and concept is what I view as romantic. Using the traditional names for foundations of basic skill-oriented educational programs may more readily prepare children for the references they will encounter in later years but it takes all the fun out of learning today. It makes these experiences seem more like work and less like play. It takes the romance, the magic and the imagination out of her world.

"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance."
-Aristotle

Viewing the world from a Montessorial perspective is making every place and every thing seem more meaningful than its obvious context. More valuable than the sum of its parts. More...interconnected.
In my earlier post "Circle Back" I discussed the interconnections that exist between the business world and the natural world. These are the kinds of relationships I am now just seeing for the first time and the vision of the world I want to impart to my child. Seeing the inter-connectedness of all things may sound like a spiritual or religious pursuit for us but it is not. For my wife and me... it is much simpler than that. Our hope is that by embracing the romantic nature of learning she will derive immense fulfillment from discovery and understand more about the world and herself than traditional extrinsic "teaching" alone can impart.  

Right now, my wife and I only want to develop a polite and gentle person who is socially adept and enjoys learning. We have no interest in rushing to amass within her any specific quantity or mass of knowledge nor do we want her to achieve any prescribed level of learning above or beyond what she naturally achieves through self-interest and gentle guidance.  This is why we made the choice to send her to a Montessori School and why, every day, we are grateful for discovering Baan Dek Montessori in Sioux Falls. There are so many stresses that we face as adults in life. Right now we want her to be a child and enjoy her childhood. The artisan educators at Baan Dek seem to direct their students with an understanding that there is greater value in mitigating pressure for children than preparing them to handle it...and we like that.

"Play is The Work of The Child" - Maria Montessori

For the last three years, I have walked with our daughter to the top of at least a dozen water slides...and every climb resulted in uncertainty and fear. Although I would consistently assure her that it would be "ok" and "so much fun!" (While pointing out the other children her age and those younger who we're enjoying it) She always decided to walk back down instead...until this past week at a resort in Phoenix Arizona. When she decided she was "going to be brave” and “ought to give it a try." As a result, I witnessed a mirth of her own accord. Unmistakably derived not only from the thrill of the ride, but also from the pride in realizing that her own hunger for joy was the motivation that elicited courage.

Children develop at different rates... but when placed in healthy environments with exposure to diversity of company and a myriad of disciplines, all children eventually reach their intellectual potential with or without our constant intervention.The difference between racing to that potential vs. allowing a child to arrive at it at their own pace and through a romantic discovery is that the later seems to breed a deeper joy and self-confidence through an appreciation of the journey as well as the destination.

Gender Equality: Getting Serious About Propagation of Discrimination

While covering Catherine's bedroom walls with Minnie Mouse & Daisy Duck decals, we came across one sticker in the package that read: "Girls can do anything!" She asked me what it said and after reading it to her, she promptly responded: "well...boys can do anything too... actually, anyone can do anything." and as my heart began to swell with pride and satisfaction, she added: "...as long as their Mommy and Daddy or Teachers aren't watching."

Although this started my Sunday morning with a good laugh, I found myself contemplating a friend's recent facebook post: 

"I, for one, think that girls are strong enough to handle the word "bossy." And I don't think they need to be treated with extra-gentle kid gloves. It backfires. Makes me think of what Sarah Silverman said:

Stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. I think it’s a mistake. Not because they can’t but because it would have never occurred to them they couldn’t. You’re planting that seed in their heads. It’s like saying, “Hey when you get in the shower I’m not going to read your diary.”

The whole "addressing the problem" instead of behaving in a way to prove it doesn't exist reminds me of the line in "Dirty Dancing" when Edward says "I never treated you like a prostitute." and Vivian replies (under her breath): "You just did."

Our sincerest intention is for Catherine to view all people as Human and give as much weight to their gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, religion, creed and race as she does to the color of their hair. Lamenting, defending or proclaiming pride in differences only seems to propagate the human divide.

My wife and I view Catherine as a generational clean slate with regards to human equality. The challenge has been and continues to be the adoption of behavior and offering of  lessons that don't overcompensate for the biases we encounter and dream to circumvent.     

Visual Content: The Story Behind The Masterpiece

The above drawing is a picture of a helicopter that transforms into a dog that slithers like a snake.

I know this because when my daughter completed it, she handed it to me and asked me if I knew what it was. After several guesses, she offered a long and detailed explanation. And I listened intently to her story... because I love her and appreciate any effort she makes and every story she relates.

If your restaurant or hotel relies on a logo, web site or testimony to explain what your masterpiece is, you’ve probably already failed somewhere within the four walls.  Unlike the artwork of a 4yr old -  a single snapshot of your product, service, people or property should communicate 70% of who you are and what you’re offering. “Synergistic Design” or “Look”, for many businesses, is not only an important means to reinforcing brand identity / recognition and overall desired experiences (AKA "Feel").  It is the most significant way to ensure continuity between mission, products and services.  For example, if you have to tell me that you are an upscale fast casual Mediterranean concept then you are expecting that I already love you enough to take the time to listen and learn more. Chances are, I don’t even know you…yet.

Maintaining a “Third Party Perspective” of your brand (or hiring someone to offer one) is imperative.  Every visual representation of your business from colors, fixtures, finishes, dishes, glasses, bags, shampoo bottles... even sandwich wrappers must serve as corroborating evidence as to who you are.  The only thing left to discover on-line (or through other forms of marketing) should be the additional details that serve to create and/or strengthen the personal connection a customer has with something they have already clearly identified...and decided they like.

The following is a link to a bit by Eddie Izzard, a comedian, who dramatically illustrates the theory that “70% of what people react to is how you look, 20% how you sound and 10% what you say.”

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwpuJoIvMyA

Dynastic Trust: Advice to The Women My Daughter and Niece Will Someday Be.

1. Use your advantage to help others instead of hurt them. Other than in sporting... Never do anything that puts others at a disadvantage.

2. In matters of great importance, the best response is offered after emotion and suspicion yield to reason and logic. Wait one day to respond to anything that makes your face hot.

3. Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Give Up. The fear of falling is often more debilitating than the fall itself. It is in falling that we realize our resilience.

4. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It shows you recognize the importance of a task.

5. Sometimes doing nothing is a lot...but when you move, move with purpose.

6. Full Hands In. Full Hands Out.

7. Just tell the truth & never put a price on your principles.

8. Do more than the minimum & Leave people, places and things better than you find them.

9. Ski, Surf, Walk, Drive, Ride, Fly & Live in a predictable fashion whenever there are others behind or around you.

10. If you think you can, you will. If you think you can't, you won't.

11. The most Important things you will ever say: "After you", "Please", "Thank You", "I Love You" and "I'm Sorry".

12. Go to bed early. You will accomplish more before others wake than you will after they've gone to sleep.

13. Never drink more than one cocktail with subordinates or superiors. 

14. Dissenting opinions and unpleasant news should only be voiced if some significant good can come of it. Displaying one's level of intelligence or social connectivity does not constitute a "significant good".

15. Those who control others are strong. Those who control themselves are powerful...and more attractive. 

16. It's better to be wrong and alive, then right and dead.

17. Stand back when waiting for an elevator or when someone is exiting a room. If you give people enough space to exit first, there'll be more room for you to enter afterwards.   

18. Never write, text, email or post anything on-line that you wouldn't want to air as a commercial during the Super Bowl.

19. The power in hate, greed, negativity and jealousy is in it's ability to distract you. Don't let it. Never lower yourself to the level of those who thrive on such things. They say misery loves company...and there will always be people who are stressed, overwhelmed and/or unhappy with themselves. Never let them influence your opinion of yourself....because they will definitely try. And be as kind to them as possible. Not because they deserve it but because you are kind. ‘In a world where you can choose to be anything. Choose kind” - Anonymous

20. All the world's ills (other than those resulting from chemical or psychological imbalance) can be traced back to poor parenting and/or poor education. Never stop learning! 

21. A person's character is not so easily measured in times of comfort and advantage. The more accurate measure of one's character is taken in the most threatening of times... when weakness is most likely to triumph. Even then, character is not found in one's faults or folly but in the methods and sincerity with which they redeem themselves...and those they've failed.

22. Great intelligence demands even greater patience. Most disciplines are as much an exercise in intelligence as they are in patience.

23. Drugs are a distraction from: doing what truly makes your heart happiest, discovering the most beauty that life has to offer and knowing what day it is...additionally, they make bad ideas seem like decent ones. 

24. Listen carefully. There's a difference between being quiet while waiting for your turn to speak and being quiet in order to hear and consider what someone else is saying. The former requires you to simply close your mouth. The latter requires you to open your mind.

25. When no rule exists, do the right thing. There's always an opportunity / It's never too late to do the right thing.

26. Never buy a suburban home: at the bottom of a hill, near a body of water, near commercial zoning, with a flat roof or quickly built / renovated.

27. There's nothing worse than a bully. Stand up for yourself... and those who can not stand up for themselves.

"The greatest sin that could be committed is the abuse of power. Whether it's mental, physical or economic." - Joe Biden

28. Sustained actions speak louder than words.

29. Never underestimate anyone...especially yourself.

30. In life, there will always be positives and there will always be negatives. Your attitude is driven by which you choose to focus on each and every day. It’s not what happens to you that matters; it’s how you choose to respond. (Read "The Road Less Traveled".)

31. Everything is relative. Everyone's perception is their reality. 

32. Never recline a seat in coach or fart in an elevator if you can help it. Both may provide some relief but it's usually at the expense of another.

33. Everything is on it's way somewhere. Nothing "goes away" and nothing can be "thrown away".

34. “Quality work is expensive. Cheap work costs even more.”

35. Be mindful of the ease with which an unintended tone can be imparted to the written word of another. Read "The 5 Minute Manager".

36. Mistakes and inconsistencies are where the natural beauty lies. There is no such thing as "perfect" and there is no such thing as "right" or "wrong" in art.

36. The Platinum Rule: Treat Others as They Want To Be Treated.

37. Nothing great is ever accomplished alone.

38. You can teach most anyone a skill... but you can't teach anyone personality and character.

39. Make time to be still and quiet in nature...then dance in the rain and let yourself get soaked! It's good for the soul.

40. If you're having a problem with a person or situation, look at your own behavior first...and then look at your own behavior again.

41. Treat every one & every place like a campsite... Leave them a little better than how you found them.

42. Exercise is the ultimate antidepressant...and greatest tailor. 

43. When facing any catastrophe, ask yourself: "How much will this matter in 20 years?".

44. Collaborate with people from all different walks of life. The cross-pollination between passionate people from various disciplines enables real innovation to flourish.

45. Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle... hidden or not. 

46. Boys will break your heart (especially when you forget how wonderful your are). Let them. Learn from it.

47. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer allows you to grow.

48. Stop calling him. Stop texting him. Stop saying things you hope he will hear. If he wanted you, and deserved you...he'd be there.

49. Bellybutton piercings and tattoos are always bad ideas. Self-acceptance is the coolest accessory.

50. Life begins where your comfort zone ends. Be carefree...but don't be careless.

51. Seeing the good in something and building on it is usually more productive than seeing the bad and trying to fix it.

52. You don't have to practice law but you should study law for the sake of your freedom...as both lawyers and judges are human.

53. You will find that some laws are only elucidated once the enforcement of them serves the interest of one (or few) who profit by their application.

54. It's far easier for some to believe a lie that supports one's prejudice and resentment than to maintain an open mind while seeking the truth.

55. You are bound to find some discontent in your life. Don't let that discontent form your opinions, design  your truth or decide your happiness...for hatred, injustice and the absence of peace in the world begins with the prejudice discovered upon projecting self depreciation onto others. 

56. Time doesn't heal all wounds...but it does allow for more experiences which, in turn, yield a different perspective.

57. Don't let anyone define your self-worth...not even him.

58. “Gentlemen, we are going to relentlessly chase perfection, knowing full well we will not catch it because nothing is perfect. But we are going to chase it, because in the process we will catch excellence. I am not remotely interested in just being good.” -Vince Lombardi

59. Most people let down their guard after 6 months...if they ever had it up.

60. Be grateful & love with everything you've got as I and your Mom love you. No matter what... forever and beyond. 

61. READ THE DIRECTIONS. THERE ARE ALWAYS DIRECTIONS.

62. Study Immanuel Kant’s Moral Philosophy namely… Categorical and Hypothetical Imperatives & The Formula of the Universal Law of Nature.

63.  Listen to The Beatles. There's a lot of wisdom in their simple lyrics and they can be a good "home away from home".

64. Do everything to the best of your ability with the time allotted.

65. Sing out loud.

66. Seeing the good and building on it is always more productive than seeing the bad and trying to change it.

67. In life, you will encounter plenty of "sharks". When you do, summon up all of your strength and punch it in the snout. It will most likely turn and swim away.

68. Always consider the source of the information you receive and the source of the food you eat. Your interests may not be aligned nor your motives..

69. Resist the notion that there is more hate in the world than love. Although some may profit by magnifying it or by drawing your attention to it - it simply isn't true.

70. Go for the job that feeds your interest, offers the best culture and delivers the most thorough training.

71. AIM TO SAVE 30%, SPEND 60% & SHARE 10%.

72. Clean tools work better.

73. Read “The Metaphysics of Morals” by Immanuel Kant

74. "Travel is fatal to ignorance and prejudice" - Mark Twain

75. The best ideas come from greater exposure and a change of scenery.

76. AIM TO SAVE 30% SPEND 60% & SHARE 10%...and consider an index fund.

77. Decisions, based on a longview approach that considers ancillary impacts, take time. But trusting your gut will save your ass immediately.

78. If you can't find something - try straightening up the place.

79 If you don’t prepare for the expected, you’ll be too busy to address the unexpected.

80. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it can only be transformed from one form to another... we don't die just because our bodies do. We are all a collection of our past and present and future experiences…a union of every person we’ve touched along our way. from a smile on the street to a mother’s love and when someone dies, that part of them that touched, changed and helped to form who you are - lives on through you and the countless people whose paths you cross.

81. Your thoughts are real things. Your thoughts create vibrations and vibrations create real things Read,, listen and watch ‘The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne.

82. It’s taken me 50 years to formulate a pretty good guess at the Meaning of Life. Savor the ups and downs. The lights and darks. the pain and pleasure. The sadness and joy…for each and every one of these experiences gives you context, appreciation and ability to understand that the Meaning of Life may very well be to connect with others and the world itself through the ART of Loving, Learning, Imagining, Creating and Sharing. 

System Recovery: Backup In 10 Days after a Tonsilectomy

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A tonsilectomy is like the execution of an intelligently designed performance- based contingency. It's painful for everyone involved but if they're not meeting performance requirements, they have to go.

In our case, it was close to 10 days of pain until we were back on our feet. It would have been 9 but a ridiculously cold day (-20 degrees) resulted in school closings throughout South Dakota and afforded us an extra day to recharge.

Although most days were spent getting enough fluids down (water, apple juice and chocolate milk) while watching every episode of Scooby Doo & Peg + Cat ever created... the following is an overview of her daily post-op progression highlights:

Day 0: Nervous but brave going in. Disphoria and pain waking up. Plesant and cheerful at home.

ATE: Buttery And Fluffy Scrambled Eggs, Buttered Hawaiian Sweet Roll
And Apple Juice

Quote of the day: "I don't like any of this! I don't like one bit of this at all and I want to go home!!!"- upon waking from surgery.

Day 1: Antsy from medication and inactivity. Apparently unaffected otherwise. Playing independently.

ATE: Buttered Noodles, Fluffy Pancakes and Fudge Pop

Quote: "I don't want to eat ANYTHING!"

Day 2: Antsy and A bit overemotional / easily frustrated. Clearly masking discomfort. Bored

Quote:  "...but I'm not a very big fan if ice cream because it makes my mouth so cold."

ATE: Fudge Pop and Buttered Noodles with Chix Broth few slices of Pear.

Day 3: Calm and Cuddly with random bursts of energy presumably resulting from boredom.

Quote: "They say on television that children love flashlights and they love stuffed animals...so they really love flashlight friends! I love my new flash.light friend so much I have to hug her a lot!"

ATE: Buttered Noodles, Pancake and Fudge Pop and Marshmallows

Day 4: Fairly normal but bursts of energy continue to mix with apparent drowsiness from medication.

Quote: "I feel like I was eating an apple and swallowed it whole without even chewing it up."

ATE: Nutella Crepe, Mozzarella Cheese and Fuffy Pancake

Day 4.5: Skipped a dose of Lortab in middle of the night to tfy and let her sleep through. Bad idea.

Day 5: Irritable and uncomfortable. Needed a lot if attention and TLC = cuddling.

ATE: Nutella and Sunbutter Crepe and Buttered Noodles with Chicken Broth and Grated Cheese

Quote: "Its nice to be out of the house. I havent been out if the house in a year!"

Day 6: Doing very well. Feeling well.Comfortable but bored. Seems like her old self.
Fluffy & Light Grilled cheese on Thick slices Kings Hawaiian Sweet Round Bread, Mac n Cheese, PEZ,

ATE: Buttered Noodles and Chix Broth and Pirate Booty and Gum.

Quote: "I want someone to color with me!"

Day 7: In great spirits. Happy and Full of Energy.

ATE: Fluffy Pancakes and PEZ.

Quote: "I feel perfect!"

DAY 8: Tired and difficult breaking out of the routine of sleeping in late cuddling and being naked. Voice changing: Sounding a lot like a miniature Kristen Chenoweth...or a cute Yeardley Smith (AKA Putter from Legend of Billy Jean)

ATE: Pancakes, Ham and Cheese, broccoli, boiled honied baby carrots, avocado, apple slices and salmon nuggets.

Quote: "My throat hurts just a little when I yawn."

Cut-Throat Business: My Daughter's Tonsilectomy

The most common complication after a tonsilectomy is the rare possibility of serious bleeding either immediately following the surgery or between post-op days 5 thru 7.  In order to ensure we were available to nurse our 4yr old daughter back to health and closely monitor her recovery, my wife and I scheduled the surgery over our Christmas vacation.

A significant part of the monitoring process is determining the patient's pain level...which is quite difficult when dealing with a little girl who inherited her mother's stoicism. One of the ways we were able to accurately guage her level of pain was to utilize a method similar to the one used by nurses, physicians and physician's assistants at the hospital known as the Wong-Baker Pain Rating Scale. Upon any visit, they show a series of faces displaying a range of emotion from sad to happy(see below) and are asked to.point out which face represents the way they feel.

After observing that Catherine was having difficulty swallowing while telling us that she felt "just fine!" we decided to break out a large tablet and crayons to draw together. After getting a few designs, ducks, dogs and sunsets under our belt, I suggested that we draw ourselves. The result was interesting but not surprising. What our daughter drew at that moment and each day following was a more "honest" representation of how well her medicine was working than her strictly verbal response to our asking.

Although some people are excellent judges of character and possess an intuition that is remarkable...these traits and skill sets are not without bias and fallible at best. Self evaluations and inter-company surveys promising anonymity may offer some insight as to the satisfaction level of an organization's employees. However, nothing removes the pressure of expectation and discomfort of confrontation as much as what I call "dissociative diagnostics"... similar to "Play Therapy" which facilitates communication for children by modest dissociation.

According to the psychodynamic view, people (especially children) will engage in play behavior/therapy in order to work through their interior obfuscations and anxieties. Because professional adults are more calculating than children and are more likely to know when they are being "diagnosed" or "tested", drawing pictures or playing with dolls is not going to create a great enough dissociation from themselves.

I propose that one may obtain a more accurate account of an employee's opinions, concerns and overall satisfaction if they can be drawn into some degree of projection through an evaluation exercise in which they are asked to evaluate an outside organization whose operations closely mirror their own. The disclosed pretense for such an experiment may yield an ancillary benefit almost as valuable as that of the primary purpose through the actual identification of key procedures and/or practices within the evaluated organization that may be adopted or avoided by their own.

Just as it is important for children to be allotted time for "free play" or "unstructured play" when this therapy is used as a self-help mechanism, so too would the expected and/or conventional evaluation methods need to be employed if a version of this therapy is expected to be effective in breaking down barriers with professional adults. Meeting a subject's environmental expectations is imperative in affording them the ability to suspend suspicion of being the experimental group.

Power Lunch: Try A New Place

A dry bathtub can be a delightful surprise when looking to try something new for lunch. 

Outside-in Perspective: Doing Well Without Me

I just drove by my daughter's school and stopped by the side of the road, just for a minute, to watch her running and jumping and laughing with friends on the playground...and my heart still swells with a joy that is almost overwhelming and so new to me.

MBWA: Taking the Longer Route

My wife Sarah and I had always wanted to take a long train ride on some luxury rail car like the Orient Express...across the country. Around mountains and across prairies. Over bridges and through valleys. There's something romantic in a train's history... from the days of steam locomotives and establishment of the trans-continental railroad to classic murder mysteries and black and white Hitchcock films. The idea of seeing beautiful landscapes, at the ground level without the necessity of driving or piloting is novel to me. Perhaps the allure is in taking the long way when we spend so much of our lives on a tight schedule...hurrying from here to there.

After hearing myself explaining to our daughter: "let's go or we're going to be late..." far too many times,  my wife and I finally decided to pull the trigger and break the mold of our traditional vacations and take "relaxing" beyond the beach... or a day spent at the park.  Enjoying a museum or time in Catherine's "play room / art studio" is relaxing as well but I think it's important that we incorporate more dramatic pauses into her early developmental years and take the time to observe the world from a very different perspective.

I once read an article in the Long Beach Business Journal written by Ian Lamont, Senior Consultant and Principle of The Lamont Group (TLG).

In his article titled: "Knowing what you Don’t Know", he mentioned a concept that greatly impacted his leadership style and perspective on business known as “Management by Wandering Around”. Although I’m a firm advocate of hospitality managers and athletes “moving with a purpose” (as a friend and former colleague, Tom Jackson, used to be fond of saying), the concept has stuck with me as a valuable tool used to successful temper over-management.

“…a book I read when I was a young manager, full of ego and pride, was Tom Peter’s In Search of Excellence. One term that stayed with me was “MBWA- management by wandering around.” In my career I have been the CEO of small businesses and large businesses. No matter the size, most days I did my “MBWA”. Despite having other executives tell me “I don’t have time to wander around,” nothing I could have done at my desk was more valuable than what I learned during my “wandering around.”

I learned about families, vacations, upcoming celebrations and life’s struggles. I became human to employees (fancy that, the CEO cares). I found out what was impacting their performance, what they thought, what they would do. My management team started “MBWA” also and not just in their own department. I am proud to say at every business, performance was high, and record setting years occurred. Not because of me or even my senior managers. It was due to the right people being put in the best position to be successful and everyone understanding that if they did not know the answer, it was OK to seek out someone who did.

So try “MBWA”. Ask the people around you, "What do you need to know to do your job?" Sit with them at their desks and ask them about the processes they've adopted; the systems they use and the knowledge they draw upon. The answers will surprise you, especially after they get accustomed to the surprise of you asking.

Kick off every staff meeting by going around the room and asking participants to volunteer something they've recently learned about the business.

By showing you're constantly hungry for knowledge, you create an open culture that facilitates the free exchange of ideas. And the best part of all is that you'll maintain a high degree of self-awareness: You'll act on what you know — and take steps to find out what you don't. You will park your ego and pride and become one heck of a leader!”

I’m convinced that there is value in sitting back and watching the world as it plays by through something other than the screen of an i pad or large screen LED. Don't get me wrong...our daughter has plenty of “outside time” riding her bike, going for walks, playing in the park or on her play set with friends....but we are committed to exposing her to the natural world from as many different perspectives as possible.

Most of the majestic sights she's witnessed have been while engaged in some other consuming activity...be it playing on the beach, skiing atop a mountain, flying 15,000 feet above the ground or from the confines of a car seat.

Although the Grand Canyon, Volcanos and Giant Sequoias are on our must-see list...taking a long ride and just watching the world go by seems important right now.

After heading to New York to see the Big Apple Circus (a requisite after watching Madagascar 3 almost as many times as she's watched Mac and Cheese dissapear from a spoon) we will be taking an 11 hour train ride from Penn Station to Mount Tremblant in Quebec Canada. The Adirondack train's route from New York City, through the lush wine country of the Hudson Valley, into Montreal is supposedly "one of the top 10 most scenic train rides in the world".

Stacy King Gordon of suiteseven.com writes:  

"...many of the people to whom we speak are laser-focused on the get-er-done: driving the day-to-day business ahead with the blocking and tackling necessary to close sales, get projects done satisfactorily and maintain strong customer relationships. It leaves very little time for stepping outside the workflow and thinking about business strategy in the abstract. Spending an hour talking about opportunities, challenges, the marketplace, competitors and other topics is a rarity...That’s why brainstorming sessions — which creative teams have always believed to be the magic bullet for uncovering great ideas — are not always successful. Brainstorming team members are so focused on solving the problem within the time allotted that they don’t take the time to reflect on the business realities and naturally make the connections that help them arrive at a real breakthrough. (Scientists have even found that brain activity when arriving at creative a-ha’s is very different from the activity involved with traditional problem-solving.)"

Heading north, we will depart New York's Penn Station in the morning and arrive in Montreal later that evening, where we will take a car to what the New York Times calls "...[the combination] of a charming Canadian rustic logging town and the Old World flavor of the French Alps ... with a European-style pedestrian village nestled at the bottom of the mountains. We'll forgo the long way home in lieu of a direct flight back to Sioux Falls that affords us an extra day to ski... but the long route getting there should be a memorable and "grounding" experience.

Circle Back: Valuable Lessons in Getting Back to Nature

A Montessorial approach to nature, in which the interconnectedness of simple structures is considered, can deepen an understanding and appreciation of many more seemingly complex principles and/or operations within a multitude of fields from business to medicine.

I saw a program on NOVA the other night, the topic of which was "Nanoarchitecture" and it was fascinating to learn that when you reduced the size of a gold particle (to the size of nanometers) you get completely different optical properties. Gold is no longer "gold" in color when taken to the 13 nanometer size. It's ruby red in color. 

"...when a particle of gold is made very small...below 100 nanometers, the smaller the particle, the more it begins to absorb shorter wavelengths of light. Toward the blue end of the spectrum..and the redder it appears. When light rays hit a colored material some rays are absorbed and some are reflected."

-Chad Merkin and David  Pogue Nova Series "Making Things Smaller"

The series also discussed "Structural Color...(as found in the iridescence of butterfly wings, beetle shells and peacock feathers). "Once you discover those new properties of nanoparticles, it almost always leads to new applications." Once such application is a new process of sequencing DNA / testing for genetic variations which is capable of being completed in less than 2hrs. One of the experiments which led to this DNA testing breakthough was one in which equal amounts but different shapes of silver nanoparticles were dissolved in vials of water. Different colored liquids were created based solely on the shape of those silver particles. Silver rods turned the water yellow, silver triangles turned the water green and silver prisms turned the water blue. These newly discovered reactions of nanoparticles were used to help develop the test that enables chromosomal abnormalities to be highlighted upon addition of similarly altered nanoparticles to a DNA sample.

There is tremendous value when a parent or business owner is reminded, through a Montessorial observation of the natural world, that visually observed characteristics of things (or people) can be variables depending on applied forces and independent perspectives...and that those observed characteristics don't necessarily dictate substance. Not only does this promote a wider-view perspective but it also reinforces the value in seeking possible factors outside of one's initial consideration. 

If you pause long enough to take a much broader view of your child's development or of your business' operations, you may be fortunate enough to recognize that the natural world and the business world are inexorably bound due to the fact that we ourselves, regardless of how technical our tools or how complex our lives, are merely components born of and operating within the same kingdom as the elephant and the honeybee.

After a small amount of research, I quickly learned that applying holistic and systemic approaches to business, social or educational organizations based on principles in nature is not, by any stretch, new thinking... but has certainly been gaining more traction over the last few years.

Business Reinvention with Nancy Lin discusses the fact that scientists and technologists are uncovering innovative ideas and borrow efficient designs from nature. She answers the question: “Does nature offer leadership lessons that can help us manage the increasing level of uncertainty, speed of change and limited resources to achieve such business transformation?" in her January 6th interview with the Denise DeLuca, co-founder and director of BCI, Biomimicry for Creative Innovation.

Alan Moore, author of No Straight Lines discusses the fact that a non-linear world is one in which we embrace the power and potential of complexity rather than trying to break it down into unconnected bits and that we see the world systemically. A non-linear world is where we have the capacity and the tools (which already exist) to transform our organizations commercially and non-commercially to work with the grain of human nature not against it that run leaner, more efficiently, and are greener. 

Giles Hutchins’ blog, The Nature of Business (one of my newest favorites) is exploring similar understandings of the interconnectedness of all things in nature and writes:

"Knowledge of the core principles of how life works becomes a critical skill for business leaders and change agents wishing to successfully transform their organizations in these volatile times.  It is what  BCI (Biomimicry for Creative Innovation) calls ‘ecological thinking for radical transformation'."

Most people in business subscribe to an outdated worldview, a perception of reality inadequate for dealing with the volatile and globally interconnected business world.  What is required for the health and vitality of our businesses and economies is a radical shift in our perceptions, our thinking and our business behavior.  We are witnessing a change in the business paradigm from one suited for the industrial era to one suited for the interconnected era.

At the core of this paradigm shift is a perception shift from ‘seperatedness’ to ‘interconnectedness’.

Just as in science we have discovered that no longer can the universe be viewed as a machine composed of elementary building blocks, so too must we avoid the propensity to view organizations as atomized, silo’ed and tightly managed machines more then we need view them as vibrant, living organisms interacting within emergent, self-regulating and self-organizing business ecosystems."

  "Evolution is no longer seen as a competitive struggle for existence, but rather as a ‘cooperative dance in which creativity and the constant emergence of novelty are the driving forces"

-Fritjof Capra / Founding Director / The Centre for Ecoliteracy.

Ditto for business evolution and so business people need to shift perceptions from "...seeing isolated, competing aspects of the business environment to seeing the interconnected and emergent nature of the business reality ahead.”

And finally, Fortune Magazine’s Jennifer Alserver significantly contributed to this concept back in her March 2013 article titled “8 Lessons from the Birds and the Bees”:

“The burgeoning field of biomimicry, in which scientists copy nature to solve human problems, has drawn interest across industries -- from energy to consumer goods. 'There is a whole pipeline of people inventing by looking to the natural world', says Janine Benyus, founder of Biomimicry 3.8, a consultancy that has helped Colgate-Palmolive (CL, Fortune 500), Levis, Nike (NKE, Fortune 500) and Boeing (BA, Fortune 500) reformulate products using biomimicry  “.

Nicholas Sykes' TED X talk: - Biomimicry 2.0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKQvr-RJQeg&noredirect=1

I continue to discover new and exciting aspects of my business since adopting a more Montessorial perspective on any business venture. 

Lifestyle Center: Children's Beds That Create Live-Work-Play Bedrooms.

Catherine loves sleeping in our bed because it's "so comfy!"...and it is! We couldn't wait until we found a big-girl bed in which to place her very own plush-top Heavenly Bed.

I stopped inside a shop a few months ago called: "Kids 2 College Furniture" which I had, mistakenly, assumed was a "dorm-room" furniture shop for teens and 18yr old "kids [going] 2 college". I poked my head in to check it out after my 3yr old daughter spotted miniature hand painted rocking chairs outside their front door. I was amazed to find Full and Twin beds for children that convert ( I know what you're thinking as I bought a "convertible" crib-bed that meant: gradually taking it apart piece-by-piece until there were no walls left around the mattress) from bunk bed castles for boys and girls to modular study/homework centers under loft beds with hidden Murphy beds for guests (that are as easy to pull down as opening a drawer) or four-poster canopy beds.  

I was stoked to find this place as my wife and I had been trying to convince Catherine that she would love a "Princess Bed" (4 poster with canopy) but she insisted that she needs "a bed with a ladder so that Alligators can't get [her]" and so that she can "rescue her dolls from mud-slides below with [her] Diego lasso".

Check out their website: http://www.kids2collegefurniture.com.  One of these "build-your-own" display models, in particular, has a bunk bed with a slide that converts from a castle themed play area. The ladders are at much more gradual incline than Pottery Barn beds and the extra wide "rungs"/steps are grooved for additional traction. All this and a safety railing for additional peace of mind.  The guy came after breakfast and the whole thing was put together in time to load the shelves with books before nap time.

Response Time: Another Quick Re-Heat Meal

Hot Dog, Asparagus & Mozzarella Filled Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. Ready in like... 10mins. I freeze these and then re-heat them in the toaster oven (or microwave) for a fast meal when time gets away from me...as it occasionally does.

The Right Tools for The Right Job: Chopsticks for Kids

Catherine had been asking for her own chopsticks ever since she first saw Mommy and Daddy using them...but her lack of dexterity never seemed to deter her from trying, so hard, to eat with them.

With the use of a rubber band, any take-away sticks can easily be transformed into "training sticks".

The tremendous sense of pride and enjoyment that results from "Doing it!!!" is well worth the additional two minutes of our time.

Developing People: Her First Snowman

She named him "Fred".​

Impact Fees: The Hidden Costs of Two Income Families

When both Mom and Dad are both working full-time, it doesn’t leave much time to take care of the basics. Grocery shopping and filling the car up with gas can often prove a challenging fit into one’s schedule… let alone the little things like: laundry, house cleaning, lawn & garden care, dog walking and feeding, picking up the kids because you can’t leave work at 3:00 in the afternoon…little things like that.

The amount of time it takes to run a household adds up fast…especially when you consider the fact that unless you have another family member living with you (like a mother or mother-in-law) you need to pay someone to help with the day-to-day chores and errands.

The bottom line? If you’re thinking about going back to work once the kid(s) are in school full-time, you should consider the direct impact by weighing the tangible expenses of doing so…or rather ensure that your return to the work force will yield an income that outweighs the cost savings of staying home (calculated below).

House Cleaner: $7,200+/yr.

Babysitter / Nanny: $12,000 - $35,000+/yr.

Dog Walker: $7,800/yr.

Summer Camp / Swim or Country Club:  $2,000 - $10,000+/yr.

Landscaping: $1,500 - $4,000+/yr.

Dry-cleaning: $1,000 - $2,000+/yr.

___________________________________________

$31,500 - $66,000+/yr.

In short, unless you’re re-entry into the job market guarantees a salary of at least $50,000+/yr.… it’s likely you won’t break-even (on paper).

But what should also be taken into consideration, if you are one of the very fortunate (and very few) Americans who are in the position to even view a 2nd income as an option, is the fact that people who do what they love are happier people. And happy people not only make better friends and better lovers but better parents too. So, if your family can sustain itself on one (or one and a half salaries) ask yourself what you love more…the fulfillment of keeping a home or the fulfillment of your former line of work.  

Focus: Learning to Tune Out The Noise

99% of the time I'm totally in love with the privilege and awe of just watching my daughter grow up....then there's the other 1% of the time I feel as though I'm a half-step away from being that strangely numbed Lieutenant who is walking through a battlefield of scorched earth with men screaming, machine guns firing, grenades being launched and mortars exploding all around him... while he has a relaxed conversation, with someone completely distracted by all the chaos, about what they might have for lunch later in the day.  

An interesting article I dug up in the Harvard Business Review blog on: Awareness, Focus & Judgement....applicable in any walk of life:

http://blogs.hbr.org/hmu/2009/01/pay-attention-an-interview-wit.html

Alternative Asset: Montessori - Our Smartest Investment

The public schools in Sioux Falls are as good as (or better) than the public schools in the affluent western suburbs of Philadelphia (US News and world reports ranks the local high-schools in Lincoln County as #1 in the state and #600 out of the 24,000+ reviewed in the entire nation). We found a Montessori School for Catherine (Baan Dek) that exceeded the expectations previously set by an exhausting three months of research and meetings with educators at almost a dozen schools back east. The facility, staff and culture at Baan Dek Montessori continues to be a source of pride and gratitude for our entire family.

The following is a letter my wife and I sent to Bobby & June George (owners of the Baan Dek Montessori):

We enrolled our 3yr old daughter in the part-time program at Baan Dek Montessori two months ago because everyone we met there seemed to exude a conscious compassion and genuine passion for education.

The more we witness the Montessori method of teaching in action, the more we realize how misguided we were in thinking that Montessori was simply a school for the over-privileged children of liberal parents who see structure as stifling.    

Over the last two months, through your workshop initiatives like “Preparation for Numeracy”, my wife and I have come to a deeper understanding of (and appreciation for) the Montessori method. We now recognize Montessori as a bridge between conceptual learning and physical comprehension...a maternal imperative, if within means, since our educational aspirations for Catherine go beyond the development of her scholastic competence. We have a sincere desire for her to comprehend the world in which we live... and be empowered to enrich it.

We now know that Baan Dek is actually an advantage, as opposed to an amenity, that we are grateful to afford our daughter and thank you for making possible.

Sincerely,

JJS

Future Value: Real Expectations for New Dads

​My Letter to a few Magazine Editors:

After letting our nanny go, I took on the seemingly easily managed task of staying home with our 2 yr old daughter. She wasn’t sufficiently potty trained  to attend a local Montessori yet... so the plan was to save money while contributing more significantly to the development of our daughter Catherine. Everything I read portrayed today's stay-at-home dads as an in vogue and growing sub-culture of creative elites and the affluent who placed family above leisure. After watching my umteenth diaper commercial featuring only dad's, I figured that I would be in good company…that there would be dad groups to join… and bonding over play dates....but what I found was quite the opposite.  You see, I don't live in Tribecca or L.A....so I was the only at-home dad in my neighborhood. And in suburban Philadelphia, most working dads are about as accepting of stay-at-home dad's as they are of drag queens.

Upon embarking on what has become a life-altering sabbatical transitioning from working dad to at-home dad, I decided to keep a journal as a form of therapy… since there was no-one with whom to commiserate. I now post those journal entries on my blog: www.dbadaddy.com

As I share the experience of taking on this, at times, overwhelming role I also share the resulting new perspectives on fatherhood. Most mainstream media continues to print articles that discuss the increasing popularity of women being the breadwinners and  fathers taking over the domestic responsibilities… but no-one seems to be addressing the incredible hurtle men face of overcoming the generations-long conditioning of gender identity. Not to say that successful professional women have it any easier...they are still very much a minority, but they do seem to share more company.

Please consider exposing the social and psychological  challenges men with successful professional wives face, when they make the decision to “stay home” with their children who aren't yet spending 5 or 6 hours a day at school.

I believe if more men knew more what to expect, they would be better prepared caregivers and not waste as much of what precious little time there is trying to figure it out. If there’s one thing I have learned…it’s the importance of understanding early-on that attempting to balance work and the full-time care of a two year old ensures that both will suffer. The benefit of staving off professional atrophy comes at the cost of a child and father both being robbed of as much joy and growth as this advantage can afford. "Leaning In" to both Mom and  Dad's career requires outsourcing... not commitment and balance.