Comparison Approach: The Tempering Pace & Humilty of The Midwest

Although there is something to be said for the increased level of awareness and sense of urgency that living in a big city of over 1MM people imparts, a slower pace can be refreshing and forgiving by comparison...as long as, like snow skiing, its in a predictable fashion and to the right:)

Speaking of staying right, there are a few things I am finding difficult getting used to in South Dakota. One of the surprising challenges has been adapting to more self-deprecation than we've ever encountered.

Whenever we're outed as not being native South Dakotans, we are asked about where we're from. The conversation invariably leads to the question: "So how do you like South Dakota compared to Philadelphia?"...and before we have a chance to answer, we are met with lines like: "Don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings..." or "I'm sure its not as nice is it?"

Sometimes I think we have a better opinion of Sioux Falls, South Dakota than some of the folks who are from here. As a good friend of mine, Dr. Mason Cobb pointed out: "There is very little we are "doing without" here...rather there is so much we're "doing with." and I couldn't agree more. The amenities and services from foodstuffs (Fresh seafood flown in to Cleaver's Market from Hawaii regularly) to arts & culture (South Dakota Symphony and Russian Ballet performances at the Washington Pavillion) abound. 

Perhaps its because even after having pre-conceived notions, of days filled with hunting buffalo and making mead wine, dispelled; some people still hold fast to their prejudices and find it hard to let go of the feeling that they are much bigger than everyone else. The fact I find curious is not that the Midwest has a reputation that pre-dates it's recent "Renaissance" but rather the fact that the mindset of Midwesterners has not evolved in-stride with their cities.  It reminds me of some contestants on "The Biggest Loser" who even after shedding over one hundred pounds,  getting into unbelievable shape and receiving a total beauty and fashion make-over...still hold a perceptible awkwardness in their posture. Perhaps the Midwest is better this way. There is something more attractive about a beautiful woman who doesn't know (or carry herself as if she knows) just how beautiful she really is (Diane Lane). This Midwest humility, whether self deprecating due to a long-standing inferiority complex or out of a genuine nature of modesty will take some getting used to. Regardless, I think we'll all be the better by being tempered by it.

Perspective: I Thought The Restaurant Business was Tough...

After 6 mos. of being a full-time dad I don’t think anyone could possibly imagine how difficult it is to be a full-time parent of a toddler unless they've done it themselves (for longer than a week or two). That being said, my wife recently attended a seminar in which they discussed the importance of understanding different perceptions of stress especially at home. Although surgeons may have to work under an incalculable amount of stress (and often with little sleep) in knowing that children’s lives hang in the balance and that there is no margin for error; everyone’s individual stress limit is relative to their own experience and personal threshold but no less in perceived magnitude.

I previously thought that very few people worked as hard as I did in the restaurant business. My dedication and sacrifice served as a source of pride for many years. Being somewhat of a professional masochist enabled me to develop a sense of self based on emotional co-dependence and giving up that which was most important to me: family, friends and the possibility of a long-lasting relationship. (The same things my wife sacrificed but with the greater mental and physical challenges… not to mention the longer hours and greater commitment that medical school and residency demands.)

“No one ever knows how difficult anyone else’s job ever is until they have to do it”. I’ve heard the adage at least a few hundred times before but it is the most humbling thing I've learned in trading my ego for closeness with my daughter...a joy few fathers ever have the opportunity to experience. I’m grateful for this blessing and the resulting humility.