Bread & Butter: Spotting Talent to Fuel CBDs

While having brunch with my family at a downtown delicatessen the other day, I had the surprising good fortune to enjoy a slice of the best raisin bread I've ever had. So good in fact that I asked the server if they could give me the contact information for the bakery that supplied it...only to discover that it wasn't made by a bakery at all but by a local guy out of his mother's garage-turned-commissary. 

After several phone calls and a long lunch, I realized that this baker represented more than just an advisory engagement opportunity for me.  After determining his options for a sustainable business platform I quickly realized that this young man (and his uncanny ability to produce some of the best breads I've ever eaten) represented something more profound: The endangered demand for quality products in lieu of convenience. 

David Napolitano is making incredible bread and supplying a small local specialty grocer along with two or three eateries in town but the demand for his product is sure to outpace his ability to produce it. In order for David to continue making bread at a profit, he is forced to either a.) Charge a price beyond what the market will bear. b.) Outsource the production to a larger scale manufacturing facility---in which case product quality will suffer or c.) Collaborate with a complementary concept (such as a cafe, restaurant or bulk olive oil retailer) with both a scaleable platform (ie; starting as an artisan "open kitchen" bread studio) and significant financial resources in place to incorporate an additional revenue center into their operation for payroll to support a wider supply and delivery radius or ancillary supply channels like boutique / luxury hotels, etc...

Its sad to imagine my daughter growing up in the absence of  "downtown neighborhoods" with retailers like this. But almost gone are the days where local artisans and craftsman line the streets with their shops ie; specialty bakeries, cobblers or coffee roasters indigenous to every town. Granted....more and more Dean & Deluccas and Food Halls style gourmet eatery markets are popping up in most major US cities but outside those densely packed urban areas, suburbanites are driving to lifestlye-centers and super-grocery chains instead of the local town butcher, baker, candlestick maker or farmers' market.

Central Business Districts (CBDs) are the lifeblood and identifying character of any community but without operational systems for replication and mass production in place....master bakers (or coffee roasters, etc...) are saddled with the reality that although they will always be able to pay the rent, surround themselves with like-minded individuals and perhaps have a nice life living above their shop toiling away for 80hrs a week...they'll never realize the fortunes reserved for one stop shop food warehouses and most chain restaurants. Many will argue that franchises are the answer. Most of whom (save for a few with incredible brand equity and operational support in place) most often charge franchisees without sufficient experience (but plenty of passion) $30k for the right to use their name, "formula" and recipes but generally fail to deliver on the all important and imperative component ...the "secret sauce" or "genuine experience" which is only really provided by those who walk and breath their product or service...as the aforementioned artisan.  Its that "wow factor" that is delivered by committed people who love what they are doing and are working in concert with an experienced team.

In exchange for maintaining the integrity of their small-batch products many artisans like Napolitano are often exiled into obscurity... Unless they write a book or land on a food network show or... garner regular support from their neighbors. They are often underpaid and undervalued by the masses who pay their cable companies more than they pay their teachers...and choose their bread based on value and calories or even more ironic....the amount of carbohydrates per slice. 

Meeting David was like meeting Picasso. You could no less mass produce his product than you could mass produce him. Making bread is more than a culinary art. You're not just working with inert ingredients and measuring spoons. Yeast is a living thing and working with dough requires, touch, taste, smell, sound...its a living breathing thing affected by everything from sea level to humidity.  When I considered the great chefs I've worked with, I realized that although they were incredible artists and efficient kitchen managers...they were also able to cross-train and coach. Mentor and develop.  And that's what David needs...a venue in which to build systems, infrastructure and staffing levels that support a cross-training and development programs. He needs help creating a platform to turn people into bakers making bread his way so that he can share it with (or from) more downtown shops and not be forced to grow old above any one of them.

Its not enough to be great at what you do. The real value is in collaborating with and developing people within structured and managed systems. Perhaps that truth will transcend restaurants & hospitality and will, someday, prove relevant to my daughter in some other way. Until then, I'm stuck with my own frame of reference...and my own delicious raisin bread.

Focus: Learning to Tune Out The Noise

99% of the time I'm totally in love with the privilege and awe of just watching my daughter grow up....then there's the other 1% of the time I feel as though I'm a half-step away from being that strangely numbed Lieutenant who is walking through a battlefield of scorched earth with men screaming, machine guns firing, grenades being launched and mortars exploding all around him... while he has a relaxed conversation, with someone completely distracted by all the chaos, about what they might have for lunch later in the day.  

An interesting article I dug up in the Harvard Business Review blog on: Awareness, Focus & Judgement....applicable in any walk of life:

http://blogs.hbr.org/hmu/2009/01/pay-attention-an-interview-wit.html

Support Services: Translating "I can't do it!"

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/09/when-children-cant-do-it-and-how-to-help/

The above link is to a great article which addresses a question my wife and I have had as to why our 3yr old daughter is continually complaining and whining/crying about not being able to put on her shoes or dress herself when we know she can. We have tried everything from: “Come on, show Mommy / Daddy how you can do it.” to “Stop this silliness…I know you can do it.” Which apparently may only be placing more stress on her. (I’ve even noticed that her pretending to be a kitty cat also coincides with her demands for help with tasks she has already mastered…as if she is trying to remove herself from the situation of expectation). When attempting to translate "I can't do it!" we try to look at other potential sources of frustration that may be manifesting themselves during dressing time. We did recently move half-way across the country and she is in a new school….both of which are events mentioned in the article as potentially driving the need for a bit more nurturing.

Lately, we have been trying to practice some benign neglect out of fear that we were babying our daughter and hovering too much. Although we don’t want to contribute to an overly dependent child, perhaps we are now over-compensating and hitting her with higher expectations too suddenly. The fact that she is attending school and thriving has definitely put me in a little bit more of an achievement mode for her and this article has helped bring me back to home base. We are grateful for this new perspective and after only two days of exercising this new approach we are seeing more independence with regards to dressing about 50% of the time. 

Face Time: Being 100% Present

I'm learning to enjoy what originally brought me into the restaurant business. My family, my love of food and my appreciation of interesting company. When you are the one serving all the time... as opposed to the one being served, it's a lot like being a deaf musician.

I realize that my life is so much better now and that I’m so blessed to have everything I've ever wanted...everything that's important to me...and yet I still need to learn to relax and enjoy it. It's a strange feeling.

I’m getting better at not feeling as though there is something else I could be doing. Those feelings used to be a great source of stress regardless of how I channeled it or hid it. Not being able to complete a sentence. Not being able to make a phone call or finish a simple task like feeding the dog, folding the laundry or sending an email without this little person demanding my attention. It’s non-stop and as much as I love her, I can now understand the principles behind Chinese water torture. The constant repetition of something so innocuous (like light Bossa Nova or Yani or "Daddy!") over time can drive anyone nuts.

Being valuable meant being productive for so long….now I’m coming to terms with the beauty of things left undone. And in return, I’m able to catch one more of her smiles or share another laugh or just take one extra moment to remind her of how much she’s loved. This little girl wants my attention and should get it (most of the time). She deserves it. She’s already learned that she has me wrapped around her little finger and senses my stress when I’m not able to rush to her upon request but I’m curbing that now and practicing benign neglect (for her benefit more than mine). And as I watch her grow before my eyes, I’m struck with the seasonal nature of life and the fleeting of time. Before I know it, she’ll be 15 and telling me she hates me.

Cross-Pollination: Parenting A lot Like Dog Training

“It’s not the dog’s fault... they need consistent exercise, discipline, and affection.”

“Your dog will mirror your energy and state of mind.”

“Calm and assertive. Calm and assertive.”

“After correction you need to follow through.”

Cesar Milan- The Dog Whisperer

Hmmmmmm....perhaps Cesar Milan's advise is just as congruent with parenting as The Super Nanny's.

   

Collateral Damage: Mom Misses Out on A lot

Having a wife with an incredibly demanding career means she misses out on experiencing many small magical moments and some significant milestones in our daughter's childhood. Witnessing most of her growing up is priceless! It makes my job of being a full-time parent so rewarding. But one of the strange and challenging aspects of this transition has been dealing with my wife's frustration with feeling excluded.

It's difficult to know she's missing out on things…and to feel, at times, very much alone myself. I wish she was able to share all of these memories with me. I can only imagine how frustrating and sad it must be for her too. Of course, it’s easy to forget how painful it must be for her when she gets annoyed at not knowing where the can opener is kept… or says things like "You’ve got it easy!" or "Sure, you know all the neighbors...they'd rather hang out with you than with me!" or "That is something that is very special and important to me and you totally excluded me!".

As a stay-at-home dad, I've learned to compensate for some of the inherent distance. Using my blackberry camera to take pictures of everything from cute outfits to bed-side table lamps enables her to shop, to some extent, by proxy.  My wife loves the fact that, every morning, I send several shots of Catherine coming down the stairs so that she can see her outfit and how well (or poorly) daddy styled her hair. I think the videos I take of everything from cuddling with the dog to shopping at the supermarket makes her feel a little less disconnected. I seriously take pictures and videos of everything....so much so that I can fill the memory on a phone in less than a month if I don't regularly sync my media. It must look absolutely obnoxious to anyone watching.    

But I realize that no amount of documenting our daughters life will ever be an adequate substitute for actually being there. On several occasions, my wife has directed the frustration of not being there at me....which has been the fundamental issue underlying a few serious relationship-shaking arguments. I loose my cool and raise my voice in these situations but eventually try to remind her, that it is her job that excludes her from regular participation in the family and not me. Using me as a target for things that frustrate both of us is a hazard to the longevity of our marriage….and probably is for any single income family. I love and admire my wife more than she will ever know. I recognize the importance of her bettering, and often saving, the lives of countless children everywhere… but it doesn't make sharing her with them any easier.

S.M.A.R.T. Goals: What I Learned From Super-Moms

Thank God for Perfectionist Moms! I know a few and would never mention them by name as it seems cruel to label anyone who has my sincere sympathy. We’re not all-together that uncommon. I often find myself being pushed to accomplish the impossible and be the best parent I can out of fear that I’m not doing enough or offering the right things (I know I'm sounding a little The Road Less Traveled  here...). These tightly wound women are the moms that push their children to be potty trained at 10 months old and drill math, language and spelling flash cards at 12 months. I’m not saying it’s wrong to raise children that way. Hey, to each his (or her) own….but I don’t think additional stress brought on by the pressure to perform that far ahead of the curve is doing much more that transferring stress and anxiety to the child….and I see it in the meltdowns and inability to discern sarcasm with these kids. I think a child who develops with encouragement, acceptance and access to the tools that can help them end up being far more comfortable in their own skin and socially well-adjusted….which I believe will allow them to excel later in life.  

Speaking of tools to assist in development... I wouldn’t have a clue as to what is available out there without these overly-ambitious moms. I am grateful to all of them. Without them I would never have discovered: the Sprout channel, Super Readers, Word World or Apps like: Memory Train, Alphabet by Piikea, Dora Skywriter & Dora ABC’s, Hungry Guppy, Umi Numbers, Alphabet tracing, Italian Cards, Dot to Dot Numbers and Letters, Nick Jr’s A-Z and Count Bees. (Catherine's i world has considerably grown from what used to be flash memory super-saturated  with Max and Ruby episodes to now include Toca Band, Toca Tailor, Toca anything really…episodes of Jake and The Neverland Pirates, Pinky Dinky Doo, Micky Mouse Clubhouse, Doc McStuffins, Small Potatoes, Diego and Peppa Pig.)

It's tough not to feel inadequate or at least question my fitness as a parent when I fall in the trap of comparing myself to others doing an incredible job. After being faced with subtly raised eyebrows and awkward pauses upon my explaining that Catherine was not yet potty trained at 2; I uncomfortably remarked: “I’m pretty sure she’s not going to show up for junior high wearing a diaper….I mean, I don’t know of any fifteen year olds who are still crapping in their pants.... It’ll happen.”

That comment went over as well as Drag Show at a RNC engagement. 

I continue to appreciate Perfectionist Moms not only for their exemplary child management but also for the deluge of educational tools they bring to light. Although it requires a bit of filtering, Catherine would not be thriving as well as she is in a world that, even at 2, seems to be pretty damn competitive sometimes.

Critical Mass: Dad's Breaking Point

This is my Hell Week.

My wife has been on-call more nights than not and my load has doubled overnight.

I sometimes wonder if what has become a painfully monotonous routine for me, is actually a healthy and stable environment for a two year old….and then I realize that a daddy whose brain is turning into tapioca can’t be healthy for anyone. 

I read somewhere that the human mind craves complex problem solving and if it’s one thing I feel more than anything, it’s the absence of that.

My greatest challenges this week are:

1.)Fighting the feelings of guilt associated with loving my daughter more than anything in the world but simply seeking an end to the adorable but non-stop chatter that often prevents me from being able to form a complete thought and on the occasion I do...actually get it out.

2.) Developing a comfort-level with abandoning any and all game plans at any given moment and completely changing direction on a dime. 

3.) Taking our debilitated dog out to go to the bathroom in the backyard with a little girl. I’ve tried allowing her to stay inside on a couple of occasions when she didn’t want to go outside with me but, to be honest, I just can’t take knowing that something bad could happen to her and I’d never hear it.  When she DOES come outside with me, she demands constant attention and the look of complete heartbreak rises up in her when I don’t rush to collect the leaves... or dandelions... or whatever she’s found and lovingly offered to me as a present.

It's not so easy to quell my inner riot when I'm trying to get a dog which is mirroring my energy and lacking full use of it’s hind legs, to relax long enough in order to generate a solid bowel movement...  and at the same time, mentally prepare for the possibility of having to give our 120lb long-haired dog a bath in the event her shit gets all over her fur…as it usually does when she has diarrhea as a result of stress. That's an intimate moment neither of us enjoys. 

4.) Taking a shower. Frequently, when I’m in the shower, I suffer a level of anxiety that seems just a bit north of rational. I’m paranoid that something horrible is going to happen and I’m not going to hear it. I imagine my daughter bleeding out or not being able to breathe as a result of some accident that has just occurred close-by without my even knowing. Sometimes I think I hear a thud or her crying out and I’ll back away from the showerhead ...or worse, run out of the shower (as I have done on several occasions) only to find her quietly playing with her i pad... safe and sound) It’s kinda like being so sure you hear your cell phone ringing….so you stop for a second… and listen… intently… and then realize it never did. Well…I guess it’s like that... times 1000.