Staying Afloat: Never Turn Your Back on The Essentials

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately, in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence..."'

-Although merely the comedy of Oscar Wilde, this line has lately been extremely evocative, for me, of our Department of Education's inertia in light of positive findings in Montessori research:

http://www.montessori.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=422:montessori-rese..

http://montessoricompass.com/blog/new-research-collaboration-provides-big-opportunity-for-montessori

http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500368_162-2050676.html

…and our many states’ recent retreat from potential recovery -in the face of pending sequestration which will likely result in extremely damaging federal cuts to education. 

Michael Sargeant’s (Huffington Post) article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-sargeant/north-carolina-education-cuts_b_3785414.html  discusses the efforts by North Carolina's GOP to create new private school vouchers called: "opportunity scholarships". This.$90MM taxpayer contribution drains $500MM out of the public education system sans accountability.

Cuts like these to education budgets (USA TODAY) in order to offset economic shortfalls is like watering the lawn when the roof is on fire:

Read More:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/business/2013/09/25/7-states-slashing-education-spending/2866529/

I'm reminded of wisdom regarding downsizing in the business world:

"If a firm is able to concentrate it's expenses around the capabilities that make a real difference in terms of winning in the market then great things happen...then they are able to invest in the areas that cause them to thrive and to grow....people, processes and expertise that allow them to out-execute competition" 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8w_aXu2izI

Cesare Mainardi, Managing Director, Booz & Company, How executives should cut costs but often dont.

Motivation: Discovering The Best Environment

“Which environment is best for our daughter?”

&

“How can we raise our daughter to thrive and assimilate in any environment…competitive or not?” 

When I consider a competitive environment as potentially the best environment for our daughter, the age old question of Nature vs. Nurture springs to mind. I have decided that one's development is a driven by both…and thus it is imperative for my wife and I to not only fully develop what nature has given us but also (and simultaneously) offer the benefits of external "reinforcements" as well.

Putting our daughter in the "right environment" can involve anything from surrounding her with people who contribute positively to an environment of competition and defining particular norms, to surrounding her with the natural wonders of the world to observe independently... or both.  At some point in her future some of these (either "natural" or "nurtured") tenants may be lacking and she may need to rely more heavily on one than the other…like a crutch bearing the additional weight after one loses the use of one leg.

Social Psychology breaks “Motivation in Education” down into two main branches: Intrinsic (or self) Motivation and Extrinsic (or outside) Motivation.

Although I believe we are a collection of all our experiences and all of those that touch us (from a "hello" offered by a complete stranger to being married, for 50 years, to your best friend) I think the greatest impact on character is deeply ingrained during our more formative years by our parent(s) and/or guardian(s). 

I acknowledge that no development ever occurs in a vacum. However, I believe my values and ethics are more a result of my parents' nurturing than of external influences like my hometown or the schools I've attended. My mother and father exposed me to so much of the world, provided countless outlets to discover nature, passed down their own values (likely influenced by their parents) and promoted intrinsic motivation with love, attention, patience and perhaps, at times, a bit too much praise. 

"That what urges children toward civilized life is the love they bear to the persons who educate them, and, little by little, the possibility of tasting some of the comforts which are undoubtedly an aid to civilized life." - Maria Montessori

If External Influences and developed Extrinsic Motivators are variables due to their reliance on uncontrollable outside elements (and can thus prove elusive at times), then logic would dictate that an educational foundation based on the development of Intrinsic Motivation is more likely to better equip children to be competent learners and performers in the potential absence of Extrinsic Motivation… and thus thrive far beyond a basic competence if and when Extrinsic Motivation is in great supply. In short, I would rather my daughter’s level of success in achieving her goals rely more heavily on her self-gratification than on the reinforcement / praise by others.

Intrinsic Motivation:

"Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on external pressures or a desire for reward. Intrinsic motivation has been studied since the early 1970s. Students who are intrinsically motivated are more likely to engage in the task willingly as well as work to improve their skills, which will increase their capabilities.

Extrinsic Motivation:

"Extrinsic motivation refers to the performance of an activity in order to attain an outcome, whether or not that activity is also intrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards (for example money or grades) for showing the desired behavior, and the threat of punishment following misbehavior. Competition is in an extrinsic motivator because it encourages the performer to win and to beat others, not simply to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity. A cheering crowd and the desire to win a trophy are also extrinsic incentives.[7]"

Comparison of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation:

"Social psychological research has indicated that extrinsic rewards can lead to over justification and a subsequent reduction in intrinsic motivation. In one study demonstrating this effect, children who expected to be (and were) rewarded with a ribbon and a gold star for drawing pictures spent less time playing with the drawing materials in subsequent observations than children who were assigned to an unexpected reward condition.[8] While the provision of extrinsic rewards might reduce the desirability of an activity, the use of extrinsic constraints, such as the threat of punishment, against performing an activity has actually been found to increase one's intrinsic interest in that activity. In one study, when children were given mild threats against playing with an attractive toy, it was found that the threat actually served to increase the child's interest in the toy, which was previously undesirable to the child in the absence of threat.[9]

For those children who received no extrinsic reward, self-determination theory proposes that extrinsic motivation can be internalized by the individual if the task fits with their values and beliefs and therefore helps to fulfill their basic psychological needs.”

We witnessed numerous signs that Intrinsic Motivation was being employed when we first visited our daughter's school (Baan Dek Montessori). Through the school's focus on: fostering independence, minimizing distractions, opening outlets to nature, challenging each student in a mixed-age environment and allowing students to make their own mistakes; we felt the students seemed to take more of a personal ownership in their learning and thus develop their own gratification of arriving at correct answers...at their own pace.

Po Bronson presented a unique perspective on motivation and competition onKQED’s Forumwhere he discussed his (and co-author Ashley Merryman’s) book Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing

“The performance-enhancing effects of competition and teams do not apply only at elite levels such as the Olympics or in physical match-ups. Competitions held in classrooms and lunch rooms across the country also push kids to do better. In finite games, you compete and then you let it go, and you have rest and recuperation – that’s actually really important for kids. It’s the continuous sense of pressure that is unhealthy for them.

Equally not advantageous is the act of always letting kids win

"It’s a common scene: a child and an adult race, and the adult holds back to allow the child the thrill of winning or perhaps, more realistically, to avoid tears. But losing is a lesson everyone should learn. If kids don’t learn to lose they’re going to feel entitled to win. They’re also going to make a connection that fear of losing is going to prevent them from taking the risk in the first place. And what kids do need to learn is losing is not that big a deal. They need to learn to lose and go ‘Oh, whatever,’ and move on and keep playing."

But if and when you do let them win, base that decision on their effort.

In conclusion, I believe the ferocity of competition and social norms within any environment, while significant, holds much less influence on a child's development than active and involved parents who recognize:

"...that human beings do not live by nourishment and oxygen alone, as we have carelessly thought, but they live by means of many other natural elements. Being in contact with the earth, the sun, and the vegetable life of plants is like drinking from the very springs of our life. And these principles, which we might call materialistic and physiological, are just now appearing on the pedagogical horizon."- Maria Montessori's March 27, 1913 adress "Nature in Education" as edited by AMI Journal Special, July 2013

There are pros and cons to raising and educating children in any environment and in any institution. The best environment for empowering any child (or more specifically, our daughter) is not the one that meets any measure of excellence or serves a reliance on external influences like competition to aid in the development of our daughter's "survival" skills. The best environment is any one where we, as parents, are: safe, healthy, happy and can best afford the most time, educational resources and personal attention to invest in the most wonderful journey of loving, learning and sharing that is parenthood. 

Environmental Influences: Competition, Adaptation & Evolution

I am pondering whether our daughter would be more empowered to succeed in the pursuit of our ambitious goal for her (to effect  positive change in the world) if placed in a competitive environment that promotes the development of survival skills, or if she would be better off rarely having to exercise those skills at all.

A behavior is always to be taken transactionally: i.e., never as of the organism alone, any more than of the   environment alone, but always as of the organic-environmental situation, with   organisms and environmental objects taken as equally its aspect. 
  ---- Dewey and Bentley, 1949

I began researching competitive environments in an effort to discover what defines or establishes “professional standards” and “social expectations”.  After coming across a quote by Criss Jami,  I seriously considered my level of professional expectations, to some extent, a deficit or “flaw”… a result of my own limited exposure and inability to appreciate the polarity of competitive vs. slower paced markets and thus having my own limited perspective / environment form what are perhaps ego-centric expectations.

Criss Jami writes: 

“Self-righteousness is much like a spiritual egocentricity. It constitutes a secular type of love that thrives under conditionality, one in which is only existent after an individual meets the adopted standards of the condemner; oppositely, unconditional love is a holy love.” 
― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

Jami’s writing got me thinking deeper about what specific differences I was perceiving from market to market and I was reminded of my Grandpop Pete, who was a self-made millionaire and serial entrepreneur-

On Pride & Promotion:

"If you’re going to do any job at all,” he used to say “do it to the best of your ability. The result will be something special... When they asked me to sweep a floor in the Navy; I made damn sure I was going to be the best floor sweeper they had ever seen!"

It’s not much of a stretch to correlate “The Will to Succeed” with the similar “Will to Survive”.

Which causes me to consider my particular concept of “professional standards" as a learned survival skill which, inherently, would only be suited for particular environments.

Perhaps one’s conception of "professional standards" is as subjective as beauty…as pace…as rhythm. It’s certainly plausible that everyone’s own idea of “excellence” may be unique. Perhaps mine is merely a result of appreciating an unnecessarily high level of attention to detail and efficiency that has evolved in an densely populated environment saturated with proficiency... and thus demands it, if for no other reason... than to enable some to “stand out” in a crowd and “survive” professionally in an over-crowded and thus overly-competitive marketplace.  

 If population and market dynamics among cities, regions or countries vary significantly then “standards of excellence” may very well be as variable as cultural norms throughout the globe.

The question as to “Which environment is better for our daughter?”, has now evolved into “How can we raise our daughter to thrive and easily assimilate in any environment…competitive or not?

In asking myself these questions, I begin to question my own current social expectation theory: that “survival” is inexorably linked with adaptability - a trait of natural selection “adopted” to ensure survival….much like “industrial melanism” as postulated by Michael Majerus in “Melanism -Evolution in Action”

“Industrial Melanism” as postulated by Michael Majerus:

The light-colored form of the moth, known as typica, was the predominant form in England prior to the beginning of the industrial revolution. Shown at left, the typica moth's speckled wings are easy to spot against a dark background, but would be difficult to pick out against the light-colored bark of many trees common in England.

Around   the middle of the 19th   century, however, a new form of the moth began   to appear. The first report of   a dark-colored peppered moth was made in 1848. By 1895, the frequency in Manchester had reached a reported level of 98% of the moths.

This dark-colored form is known as carbonaria, and (as shown at right), it is easiest to see against a light background. As you can well imagine, carbonaria   would be almost invisible against a dark   background, just as typica would be difficult to see against a   light background. The increase in carbonaria moths was so dramatic that many naturalists made the immediate suggestion that it had to be the result of the effects of industrial activity on the local landscape.

As noted on page 297 of the  Elephant Book, coal burned during the early decades of the industrial   revolution produced soot that blanketed the countryside of the industrial areas of England between London and Manchester. Several naturalists noted   that the typica form was more common in the countryside, while the carbonaria moth prevailed in the sooty regions.  Not surprisingly, many jumped to the conclusion that the darker moths had some sort of survival advantage in the newly-darkened landscape.

In recent years, the burning of  cleaner fuels and the advent of Clean Air laws has changed the countryside even in industrial areas, and the sootiness that prevailed during the 19th century is all but gone from urban England. Coincidentally, the prevalence of the carbonaria form has declined dramatically. In fact, some biologists suggest that the dark forms will be all but extinct within a few decades.

For evolutionary biologists, the question behind the rise and fall of the carbonaria form is "Why?" Why should the dark phenotype have appeared so suddenly, come to dominate the population in industrial areas, and then have declined just as sharply when levels of pollution declined? To many biologists, the   answer seemed obvious. In areas where pollution had darkened the landscape, the darker moths were better camouflaged and less like to be eaten by birds. Under less-polluted conditions, the light-colored moths prevailed for similar reasons.

But was the obvious answer correct? That's what Kettlewell set out to check in a series of classic   studies carried out in the 1950s. As described in Chapter 14 of the text, his results seemed to confirm that background camouflage was the key”

Other examples of surviving through adaptation & evolution born out of competition can be seen in forests: 

“Forest trees grow tall to compete with their neighbors for light. The competition is fierce, and the stakes are high. Most tree species can't reproduce without winning a place in the forest canopy. The evolution of trees is thought to be a kind of race; every time one species acquires the ability to get taller, it ups the ante for all the other species around it."

Taken from: http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/volunteer/janfeb10/tree_growth.html

Now considering the following:

Social Norms _"...people tend to adopt social norms and to tailor their behavior to meet the expectations those norms provide. When others do not meet these expectations, misunderstanding and conflict can result, or it can cause an individual to re-examine his expectations."

Social Roles- "Social roles are largely the result of internalizing normative behavior. By internalizing social roles, people learn what kinds of behavior are expected of them and adopt a set of expectations for the behavior of others. Social roles are considered social constructions, in that there is nothing inherent or essential about such behavior; instead, it is considered to be the result of social conditioning and acculturation."

--Cultural Expectations, Social Behavior and Interaction by: R.J. Rummel

Perhaps the best course of action is well-rounding our daughter as much as possible by exposing her to as many different environments as we can. This my serve to reinforce the inherent dangers of ego-centrism---namely, the frustration that often occurs a result of not being able to easily assimilate.

I heard a sermon recently, by pastor Jeff Wheeler of Central Baptist church here in Sioux Falls, - who spoke about Mark 5:19 and the value of leading an "oikos-centric" life. He was right. Considering a greater purpose of our lives, as the source of some possible service to our larger community/"oikos", has led me into an awareness and a re-alignment of my focus beyond the importance of having my own wants and expectations met...into remembering what I often tell clients: "...possibilities for greater things only reveal themselves when we take a step back and pause from the distractions of ourselves to see the bigger picture." 

Alternative Asset: Montessori - Our Smartest Investment

The public schools in Sioux Falls are as good as (or better) than the public schools in the affluent western suburbs of Philadelphia (US News and world reports ranks the local high-schools in Lincoln County as #1 in the state and #600 out of the 24,000+ reviewed in the entire nation). We found a Montessori School for Catherine (Baan Dek) that exceeded the expectations previously set by an exhausting three months of research and meetings with educators at almost a dozen schools back east. The facility, staff and culture at Baan Dek Montessori continues to be a source of pride and gratitude for our entire family.

The following is a letter my wife and I sent to Bobby & June George (owners of the Baan Dek Montessori):

We enrolled our 3yr old daughter in the part-time program at Baan Dek Montessori two months ago because everyone we met there seemed to exude a conscious compassion and genuine passion for education.

The more we witness the Montessori method of teaching in action, the more we realize how misguided we were in thinking that Montessori was simply a school for the over-privileged children of liberal parents who see structure as stifling.    

Over the last two months, through your workshop initiatives like “Preparation for Numeracy”, my wife and I have come to a deeper understanding of (and appreciation for) the Montessori method. We now recognize Montessori as a bridge between conceptual learning and physical comprehension...a maternal imperative, if within means, since our educational aspirations for Catherine go beyond the development of her scholastic competence. We have a sincere desire for her to comprehend the world in which we live... and be empowered to enrich it.

We now know that Baan Dek is actually an advantage, as opposed to an amenity, that we are grateful to afford our daughter and thank you for making possible.

Sincerely,

JJS

Growth Market: The Midwest is The Future

When Catherine was just over a year old, she turned a Dr. Seus book over and placed the frame of a United States foam puzzle over it and exclaimed: "Look Daddy! I made a city!"

I'm not saying that the evolution of America's middle-market is going to be that fast or that simple but the growth in South Dakota- and the Midwest in general, has been both exponential and inevitable.

When you have both coasts of the country growing on top of themselves, it’s only a matter of time before generations that are increasingly more mobile (as they were four and five generations ago in the old country) affect the fluid dynamics of economic overflow into the middle of the country. After all, you can't have sprawl into the ocean.

Another driving force behind this growth is what I like to call “The Delaware Factor” -which is the creation of a tax friendly environment for corporations and dynastic trusts. Corporations and families being able to thrive in soil like this results in more Fortune 500 companies relocating their corporate headquarters… which serves as a catalyst to attract other businesses... that holistically contribute: more jobs, more rooftops, more retail and finally more advanced medical and educational development (Take note Obama).

In the last three years, the population of Sioux Falls alone has gone from 75,000 people to almost 180,000. From 2010 to 2011, the departures and arrivals from the airport (which you pull into like a lifestyle center) doubled which prompted the construction of two additional terminals and an initiative to establish Sioux Falls as an international hub.  In the first quarter of 2012, the number of flights has already doubled the total amount of flights in 2011.

Two major hotel flags have recently been planted in the area in addition to to the already significant number of beds. One by Hilton and the other by Hamilton Suites. The construction of the Midwest’s largest sports and entertainment arena, scheduled to be completed in 2013, will bring with it zoning for an entirely new "Entertainment District" and one of the country's largest state-of-the-art Convention Center. The fact that the mayor’s office recently announced that they would be submitting an RFP for another large hotel across from the new Convention Center (contiguous to a championship golf course) has a lot of developers, as far as New York, peeking over their Chemex to get a better look at what’s going on here. But after speaking with quite a few of the old guard in this small city, one is left with the feeling that an RFP is more of an exercise in protocol than of a genuine offering. The deals seem to be locked up before they’re even made public and with a surge of Ag[riculture] money in the market from farmers who profited greatly over the last few years with the corn belts spreading. Farmers and local developers are buying up land and investing in commercial development almost as fast as those profiting from the oil boom in North Dakota. According to Gov. Ed Schafer and Paul Hegg of Hegg Companies, development of the Bakken oil patch is a 25 year play, and it’s not too late for businesses to participate in the economic boom here. This is looking more and more like a better short-term opportunity for developers and operators from the coasts than for the newly relocating fund managers, institutional investors or capital intermediaries. But there does seem to be a long-term play here. I left the East Coast with the luxury of never needing to waiver from my sense of integrity and commitment to fair-play. Those principles may not have brought me as much action as I would have liked, but definitely enabled me to grow with like-minded colleagues, learn from benevolent leaders, and forge a few lasting friendships built on trust and respect. Perhaps not the most popular of business practices employed by ambitious young professionals in America’s biggest cities… but certainly seems to be the way of life in a city of less than 200,000.

Sioux Falls feels like an instant culture-fit for my family and me.  If, over time, I’m fortunate enough to earn the trust and respect of my new neighbors, I am confident that the numerous opportunities here will bear fruit.

The mayor’s just announced that a total of $200MM has been spent in the last year on new road construction and repairs of existing roads. Although I am still trying to adapt to things such as driving 35mph on long stretches of road with four to five lanes that could benefit from a few extra signalized intersections; there is a tremendous amount of investment in infrastructure to support and sustain development of the 43rd fastest growing state in the country.

Is Sioux Falls the best kept secret in America? I'll have to pay close attention to my 3yr old daughter's musings and get back to you.

Entry Point: Starting School on a Part-Time Basis

When faced with the dilemma of sending Catherine to school on a Full-Time basis (which would include recess, lunch and naps) versus a Part-Time basis (going home at 11:30am), we asked if the tuition could be pro-rated to reflect a gradual increase of time spent there each day.

We thought a gradual introduction to school beginning with a Part-Time schedule would be best and that she would eventually communicate her willingness and/or desire to spend more time at school as she develops relationships and a respective comfort level.  They agreed so long as her pick-up times were during windows that would not be disruptive to the other childrens’ routines. 

With the exception of a few days at her grandparent’s and a few nights in hotels, Catherine hadn’t once taken a nap outside of our home. Although we realized that it would happen…we certainly didn’t want to be married to a date by which it would happen.  Even the thought that she would be lying down for a nap in a strange place was so incredible to imagine that it made me laugh nervously at the teacher's mere mention of it.

So we’re opted to gradually bring her into the waters of Montessori like a bagged goldfish into a new tank . Not that we thought the sudden climate change might have killed her…kids seem pretty pliable and resilient. This gradual introduction served more as psychological transition time for us than for her.

A few days later we brought a blanket and Pillow to school with us. The goal was for her to see more of her things there and simply get comfortable with the idea that she could take a nap there if she was so inclined. When I arrived to pick her up at 1:30 yesterday, her teacher Mrs.Berry rushed to greet me with a finger held against her lips. She whispered: “Catherine came in from recess and was so excited to take a nap in her spot that she was actually the first one to lay down!” I asked if I could take a peek through the double-sided mirror and she quietly walked me over. There I could see the my little girl's golden locks peeking out from under a blanket covering her little body with her legs tucked-up under her. Catherine was twirling her hair with one hand while the other was softly tucked for suckling in her mouth. Mrs. Will (her other teacher) was  gently, rythmically, rubbing her back. Suddenly I felt like “this was it”. Like it was all about to come to an end…. I was immediately struck with the heaviness that accompanies a sad farewell in my heart. I suddenly realized that I was going to find her doing more and more without me. Growing up and being magical with other people and I wouldn’t be there to see it...to even hear what she was saying. I fought back a tear…partly of joy and partly of sadness. I drove back home and imagined the joy of relishing something ordinary and mundane with her in the future... like a game of basketball in the driveway after not seeing her for so long. Like Steve Martin in Parenthood only backwards….instead of my eyes welling up from recalling images of her childhood, I was lost, only for a moment, in realizing that her "growing-up" meant relying less on me.

Outside The Box: Considering Relocating

My wife just told me about an in incredible job opportunity she has in Sioux Falls, SD. She may as well have said it was somewhere in the Himalayas. Seriously, what’s the difference? I just looked at a map to see where South Dakota is located because, although i'm somewhat embarrassed to admit it, my knowledge of domestic geography is akin to that of a child’s proficiency with jigsaw puzzles. I’m pretty good with the corners and edges but a bit dodgy on the middle.

Living in a big coastal city with a baby, where cultural arts abound, is a lot like having a pool. It’s nice to look at… and if you didn’t have it, you’d wish you did but at the end of the day, you’re basically paying a premium for an amenity that's really appreciated more by your friends and family than you.

Don’t get me wrong. I recognize the inherent value of a big city with access to amenities like superior health care and education, the arts / museums and concept dining…even if you don’t regularly take advantage of them. Chances are, those amenities have drawn others to the area that may not take advantage of them either. So at the very least, you’re left with having like-minded neighbors with similar interests.

We moved to the suburbs of Philadelphia (back to my roots) just before Catherine was born. We thought that growing up with trees and a yard was preferable to vents in the street spewing out the smells of the subway and buses heaving clouds of heavy dark smoke on top of strollers on the sidewalk. Moving back to the suburbs not only offered our daughter the same kind of childhood my wife and I enjoyed, but also brought us closer to my family who made it downtown about as often as a herd of deer.

So, moving to the middle of the country doesn’t really seem feasible… but we’re considering it.

Game Changer: Transitioning From Working Dad to Stay-Home Dad

When my wife and I became parents we suddenly found decision-making much more simplified. It all came down to what’s best for our baby. I was a workaholic when it occurred to my wife and me that we could afford to do better than a Nanny for our daughter who, at two years old, required much more than love, attention and regular feedings. Our Nanny was wonderful! And for two years, she faithfully and reliably provided everything our daughter needed in our absence.  We soon realized that the mental development of a child was not only astonishing in itself, but also accelerating at rate we never anticipated…far more rapid than the now seemingly slower development of balance and dexterity which we prayed then cheered for. The necessity to incorporate more cognitive exercises into play and “feed” this little learning machine became increasingly important to us and increasingly beyond the ability of her hired care provider. School was not yet an option because we had adopted the “natural course” method of potty training and thus were still changing diapers on outgrown changing tables.  It was clear that since we could comfortably sustain ourselves on just one salary, the ideal scenario would be for one of us to stay home until she was both of school-age and potty trained. The promise of dinners, weekends and holidays together was a no-brainer. The question as to who would stay home with her was answered as quickly as it was conceived. It was a matter of simple economics really... my wife is a surgeon while I was a restaurant consultant and commercial real estate broker in a down market.

There's a scene in the film Cast Away in which Tom Hanks’ character, Chuck, finally builds a raft capable of taking him past the breaking surf that has held him captive on a deserted island for years.  Once Chuck realizes that he has overcome the surf and is in the open water, he rows himself away from his former prison and begins to weep while watching it get smaller and smaller on the horizon.

With over twenty years of experience in the restaurant industry and a successful consulting business taking off, being a stay-at-home dad would be an escape from: long hours, constant drama, exhausting redundancy and hidden stress for what I knew would be a better life. But, like Chuck, I understood how painful it is to leave everything you know (good or bad) and everything you have become behind. 

“DBA: Daddy” represents the paradox and resulting identity crisis with which I am struggling. It reflects my belief that being a stay-at-home-dad demands the honing of every skill-set I previously utilized in my professional pursuits. “DBA: Daddy” is now a way of sharing my transition from “working dad” to “stay-at-home dad” with anyone else who thinks that they too are probably the only guy at Gymboree mentally calculating the franchisee’s Bottom Line based on average class size, hours of operation, number of employees and market rent per square foot.