When my wife and I
became parents we suddenly found decision-making much more simplified. It all
came down to what’s best for our baby. I was a workaholic when it occurred to
my wife and me that we could afford to do better than a Nanny for our daughter
who, at two years old, required much more than love, attention and regular
feedings. Our Nanny was wonderful! And for two years, she faithfully and
reliably provided everything our daughter needed in our absence. We soon
realized that the mental development of a child was not only astonishing in
itself, but also accelerating at rate we never anticipated…far more rapid than
the now seemingly slower development of balance and dexterity which we prayed
then cheered for. The necessity to incorporate more cognitive exercises into
play and “feed” this little learning machine became increasingly important to
us and increasingly beyond the ability of her hired care provider. School was
not yet an option because we had adopted the “natural course” method of potty
training and thus were still changing diapers on outgrown changing
tables. It was clear that since we could comfortably sustain ourselves on
just one salary, the ideal scenario would be for one of us to stay home until
she was both of school-age and potty trained. The promise of dinners, weekends
and holidays together was a no-brainer. The question as to who would stay home
with her was answered as quickly as it was conceived. It was a matter of simple
economics really... my wife is a surgeon while I was a restaurant consultant
and commercial real estate broker in a down market.
There's a scene in the film Cast Away in which Tom Hanks’
character, Chuck, finally builds a raft capable of taking him past the breaking
surf that has held him captive on a deserted island for years. Once Chuck
realizes that he has overcome the surf and is in the open water, he rows
himself away from his former prison and begins to weep while watching it get
smaller and smaller on the horizon.
With over twenty years
of experience in the restaurant industry and a successful consulting business
taking off, being a stay-at-home dad would be an escape from:
long hours, constant drama, exhausting redundancy and hidden stress for what I
knew would be a better life. But, like Chuck, I understood how painful it is to
leave everything you know (good or bad) and everything you have become
behind.
“DBA: Daddy” represents the paradox and
resulting identity crisis with which I am struggling. It reflects my belief
that being a stay-at-home-dad demands the honing of every skill-set I
previously utilized in my professional pursuits. “DBA: Daddy” is now a way of
sharing my transition from “working dad” to “stay-at-home dad” with anyone else
who thinks that they too are probably the only guy at Gymboree mentally
calculating the franchisee’s Bottom Line based on average class size, hours of
operation, number of employees and market rent per square foot.
