Due Dilligence: Taking Great Activity Ideas Home

Although I’m a big fan of spending time at the local pet store (AKA: The Free Zoo) and going on “Playground Tour 2012”…There are a lot of other things to do in the area.

This week, one of my best friends Jeff (who is also a professional Daddy) re-introduced me to Longwood Gardens. Like many other places I’ve visited as a childless-man, I was surprised to learn that there was a “children’s section”.

Longwood has an exhibit in the Indoor Children’s Garden “…filled with intricate water features, handcrafted artisan elements and engaging horticultural displays that invite children into an imaginative world all their own.” - www.longwoodgardens.org

Located in the center of these awe inspiring displays is a large stone fountain adorned with hand-carved dragons and surrounded by slate-tiled walls. A collection of buckets and small wooden-handled paintbrushes are made available for children for them to “paint” everything from the fountain itself to the cement floor beneath it…with water as the "paint" that temporarily darkens the surfaces.

As someone with large rocks lining their driveway and approximately 60’ of flagstone along their front walk, I immediately recognized the beauty of this interactive exhibit. The quick-drying “paint” motivates the children to continually create new designs or re-do patterns that have just faded… until you have to drag them away.

Needless to say… I bought 3 cheap paintbrushes at Sherwin Williams yesterday and am looking forward to Catherine’s reaction when I break them out this weekend.

So much easier to steal GREAT ideas from someone else than to think of them yourself. Whenever I’m at a loss for fun things to do, I guess I just need to get out with the openness to re-discover places and things I thought I knew.

Reminds me of the classic cure for “writer's block”.

Good Money After Bad? - Our Dog's 2nd Surgery (canis secretariat familiaris)

After a couple of difficult months, our 1yr old Newfoundland (Lulu) was ready to take her rehab to the final step: Aqua Therapy. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief, not only because Lulu was getting better, but because this meant we would be able to take-up the grey non-slip indoor-outdoor carpeting I had duct-taped to the hardwood floors throughout our downstairs. We hated those strips of carpeting. It made our home look like it was under construction. We got so accustomed to them though...that, until we noticed people staring at them, we would forgot to explain the reason for them being there. 

So the moment we walk through the door to the Physical Therapy Center, she immediately dropped to the floor and began yelping in pain.  Literally, the second she walked through the door. This dog never yelps or cries out in pain. It was like the Kennedy Assassination sans grassy knoll….or any gunmen…but just a sudden and equally significant. Just as the therapist guessed, it was another torn ACL and although we said “this is it.” after the last one...we decided that, in light of i) all the effort and expense we already put in ii)Catherine’s developing attachment iii) the fact that she was only a year old and would likely recover well because of that...perhaps it wouldn’t be good money after bad.

So we decided to repeat the whole damn process of getting a TPLO for her other leg. Only this time we decided to bring in some part-time help because I’m not the goddamned Dog Whisperer!

Enter an amazing professional dog therapist and walker named Meagan. Meagan really is a huge help but now puts the number of house staff in excess of the people actually living here... which makes it kinda feel like we're not really managing things that well.

Cross-Pollination: Parenting A lot Like Dog Training

“It’s not the dog’s fault... they need consistent exercise, discipline, and affection.”

“Your dog will mirror your energy and state of mind.”

“Calm and assertive. Calm and assertive.”

“After correction you need to follow through.”

Cesar Milan- The Dog Whisperer

Hmmmmmm....perhaps Cesar Milan's advise is just as congruent with parenting as The Super Nanny's.

   

Go-To-Market Strategy: Finding Teaching Oppotunities Everywhere

No longer is the free cookie at the bakery department our motivation for getting to the market. I’ve really learned that taking your time in an isle may be time consuming but very fun and rewarding if you have the time to begin with….I realize that not everyone can spend two hours at Wegman’s but after growing tired of the stress induced by rushing through the market in an effort to  beat the meltdown clock with a tired and bored little girl who wants to walk, then be carried then be placed in the cart…I decided to view the supermarket as a classroom and as a playground.  It makes for a much less stressful errand… and I no longer get those apathetic looks of annoyance from the masses of fellow shoppers I used to stop just short of smashing into with every turn or acceleration of my cart.

Bringing a shopping list and hunting for items at the grocery store with Catherine has proved not only to be fun but also serve as practical Montessorial exercises in reading, conceptual math and coordination.

Now, we not only look for the specific items we write on the list, but also the appropriate size and weight…which we translate to “units” thanks to our good friends: Team Umizoomi.

Today, I had Catherine sit in the cart while I placed a 1lb bag of rice in her lap. I told her it was 1lb or 1 “unit”. Then I replaced it with a 10lb bag of rice. I plopped it right in her lap while announcing that “This one is 10 units!”.  I asked her to describe what the bags felt like and which one felt heavier. I then began asking her over and over again to make sure and repeated this exercise until she couldn’t stop laughing. The take away here: Bags of rice are “squishy” and 10 units is heavier than 1 unit….and half of the people shopping at the market today probably think I smoke pot.

Capital Improvements: Best Money We've Spent So Far...

A few things my wife and I recently discussed as really being the best gifts/things we ever received/purchased for our Catherine (outside of her car seat and miniature kitchen which both count as necessities in my book).

• The Learning Tower-http://www.sensationalbeginnings.com/Item--i-F-3-699X      I thought this thing was just a super safe step-stool at first but it has quickly become a real learning tool and way for me to include my daughter in everything that goes down in the kitchen. The tower enables me to happily oblige her when she says “I want to help!” I include her in everything from meal preparation (she mostly just mixes ingredients I’m not really using and pours liquids from one container to another) to “washing” plastic containers and metal bowls we refer to as “dishes”.

• Swing Chair- http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2384&e=product&pid=45667      Would never have been able to take a shower without one.

• Dog (Newfoundland)- http://www.ncanewfs.org/      Our Dog Lulu is Catherine's absolute best friend in the world (next to our neighbor’s daughter Sophie)…also read somewhere that pet dander helps children develop a healthy immunity and resistance to allergies...not to mention the fact that our dog is much more efficient under the kitchen table than a Roomba.

• Badger Basket Stackable Toy Bins- http://www.target.com/p/badger-basket-three-bin-storage-cubby-white/-/A-13849987#prodSlot=large_3_25      A place for everything….and now she is responsible to sort all her toys and put them back in their appropriate place. Really a gift for everyone.

• iPad- http://www.apple.com/ipad/       From Face Time with grandparents to math and language games…this also keeps her entertained in the car, on the potty, at a restaurant…and we, surprisingly, have not had any difficulty limiting her exposure to TV/iPad time to under 2 hrs./day.

• Bouncy Balls- http://www.alibaba.com/productgs/528105899/Plastic_Balls_for_Playgrounds.html  You know those 8.5” bounce balls you see stored in wire cages at the supermarket and Toys R Us? Well, I could remember being a kid and always thinking it would be cool to have a whole room full of them (perhaps a result of watching Richard Pryor in “The Toy” more times than I could count). I was grocery shopping one day and randomly decided to buy a whole shopping cart full of them. When I realized that the balls were on sale for 79 cents and that the whole cart only cost about $8, I decided to fill another cart and bring home 20 of those balls…which looks like a lot more when they’re all over the foyer. We had so much fun bouncing, kicking and tossing those balls all over the place the night I brought them home! We ended up putting them in Catherine’s playroom along with about 60 helium balloons for her birthday party… which was immediately dubbed “Balloons Room”.

• Seaside Sidekicks’ Sand Cupcakes Set- http://www.melissaanddoug.com/seaside-sidekicks-sand-cupcake-set     Colored Plastic Cupcake Sand Molds that we first saw these at the Westin in Grand Cayman. Catherine showed  interest in playing with another child (for the first time) who was playing with these plastic cupcakes at the pool one day so we picked up our own set at the gift shop the following day. They not only serve as our go-to beach or pool toy, but also as the perfect icebreaker at playgrounds with sandboxes. 

• Simply Hero Boys Superhero Cape and Mask Set-         http://www.sears.com/search=simply+hero+boys+superhero+cape+mask+red+super+hero+cape+costume+toddlercatalogId=12605&autoRedirect=false&storeId=10153&yikes_prod=true                                                                                                                                                      The best five bucks we’ve ever spent! Picked it up as an impulse buy at Wal-Mart and turned into Catherine’s costume our (almost) daily game Catherine invented called: “Super Bunny Saves The Day!” …and a more productive game that Daddy invented called: “Rescue the mail from the mailbox!”.

Development: She's Finally O.K. Alone with Daddy

"Bye Bye Mommy" started out as a sad cry upon my wife’s departure for work every morning but has now finally evolved, for both my daughter and me, into a sincere farewell based on an elevated comfort-level with Daddy being here.

“Bye Bye Mommy!!! Have a good day!” Catherine says several times at the garage door. Then she'll blow a bunch kisses and excitedly call: “Catch it Mommy!” after each one.

Our cheerful and heartfelt goodbyes now serve as my daily reminder that we’re going to be o.k.

"Bye Bye Mommy!" is beginning to sound more and more like a prophetic mantra of the American family whose structure is undergoing a gradual tectonic shift.    

Critical Mass: Dad's Breaking Point

This is my Hell Week.

My wife has been on-call more nights than not and my load has doubled overnight.

I sometimes wonder if what has become a painfully monotonous routine for me, is actually a healthy and stable environment for a two year old….and then I realize that a daddy whose brain is turning into tapioca can’t be healthy for anyone. 

I read somewhere that the human mind craves complex problem solving and if it’s one thing I feel more than anything, it’s the absence of that.

My greatest challenges this week are:

1.)Fighting the feelings of guilt associated with loving my daughter more than anything in the world but simply seeking an end to the adorable but non-stop chatter that often prevents me from being able to form a complete thought and on the occasion I do...actually get it out.

2.) Developing a comfort-level with abandoning any and all game plans at any given moment and completely changing direction on a dime. 

3.) Taking our debilitated dog out to go to the bathroom in the backyard with a little girl. I’ve tried allowing her to stay inside on a couple of occasions when she didn’t want to go outside with me but, to be honest, I just can’t take knowing that something bad could happen to her and I’d never hear it.  When she DOES come outside with me, she demands constant attention and the look of complete heartbreak rises up in her when I don’t rush to collect the leaves... or dandelions... or whatever she’s found and lovingly offered to me as a present.

It's not so easy to quell my inner riot when I'm trying to get a dog which is mirroring my energy and lacking full use of it’s hind legs, to relax long enough in order to generate a solid bowel movement...  and at the same time, mentally prepare for the possibility of having to give our 120lb long-haired dog a bath in the event her shit gets all over her fur…as it usually does when she has diarrhea as a result of stress. That's an intimate moment neither of us enjoys. 

4.) Taking a shower. Frequently, when I’m in the shower, I suffer a level of anxiety that seems just a bit north of rational. I’m paranoid that something horrible is going to happen and I’m not going to hear it. I imagine my daughter bleeding out or not being able to breathe as a result of some accident that has just occurred close-by without my even knowing. Sometimes I think I hear a thud or her crying out and I’ll back away from the showerhead ...or worse, run out of the shower (as I have done on several occasions) only to find her quietly playing with her i pad... safe and sound) It’s kinda like being so sure you hear your cell phone ringing….so you stop for a second… and listen… intently… and then realize it never did. Well…I guess it’s like that... times 1000.

Common Area Maintenance: Common Ground Shared with Stay-At-Home-Moms

“We thought of inviting you ...but then figured you probably weren’t interested in hanging out with a bunch of moms.”      -Almost every stay-at-home mom I’ve ever met 

Play dates, although awkward at first, are proving to be another great way to break the mind numbing monotony of our days while offering the opportunity to enjoy conversation (albeit brief) with another adult human being.  I think it doesn’t occur to most stay-at-home moms that I might have a lot in common with them….like a sincere desire for company and fun with my child.

Acceptable Loss: Learning to Let Go...to Maintain "Sanity"

I’m learning to “let-go” more and more. Attempting to stick to a schedule with a child who can’t yet comprehend a “Deadline” or “being late” for something seems more and more like a naïve exercise in futility. Allowing myself to live in the moment and embrace the chaos (or mess) created by a two year old little girl who just wants to have fun and explore her world is not only proving to be therapeutic but also allowing me to bond more closely with her.

Today I allowed the inevitable unraveling of the toilet paper from the roll (a previously very annoying and stress-inducing occurrence) to evolve into a game in which we saw just how far we could drag that sucker through the house before it broke. Instead of taking the time to roll the unraveled paper back onto the roll and create something that closely resembles an abstract on cotton candy,  I decided to see it as spending 99cents on what could be 15 minutes more of fun. We played with the broken strands of toilet paper, ran around with them like streamers and then finally manufactured the longest pieces into several dresses and accessories. The way she smiled at me when we were finished playing “Toilet Paper Dress-Up” was soothing. It was more than a smile accompanying the fun and excitement we shared. It was more than her looking at me with love in her eyes…. it was different somehow…like complete and total acceptance. Like she thought I was really cool.

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Operations: The Life of a Surgeon's Husband

So, I married a surgeon...and that means more nights alone than I would have ever imagined. Some friends of my wife took pity on me and invited me over to their place for a play-date and a glass of wine last night. I feel they thought I was a total freak. The visit began with them sitting at their kitchen table having a conversation with me... while I stood at least 30 feet away trying to keep an eye on my 2 yr. old daughter who was playing with their 2yr old in the next room. I'm honestly not sure if I'm an over-protective parent or if they really don't see the possibility of injury....everywhere. Maybe they're simply detached? Are they relaxed because they know I’m there… and probably watching both children? I can’t understand how they can sit down and chat blissfully unaware (and apparently without concern) of what their 2yr old child is playing on, near or with. They probably just think I’m ridiculous. I'm sure they wouldn’t believe the, often gruesome, trauma stories my patient wife shares with me at the dinner table. We frequently discuss interesting congenital anomalies that are often quite lengthy due to my lacking a base knowledge of physiology...and therefore asking too many questions. However, we also talk about the many trauma cases in which children arrive in the ER as the result of something that happened when their parent or babysitter “…just left the room for a minute.” I used to see these cases as the "Nascar  crashes" for which some people endure the whole entire race just to witness....but now they have gone from exciting and crazy highlights to genuine fears and fuel for my anxiety.

Accountability: The Importance of Consistent Consequence

It’s still amazing that, in the course of my day, my ability to see any task (from pouring a glass of water or folding laundry to completing a bowel movement) through to completion without interruption is impossible.

There are two other things that never cease to amaze me are:

1. Driving slowly in the left lane is not considered a moving violation and grounds for immediate impound of the driver’s vehicle.  

If you’re driving in the left lane and you can travel at the same speed one lane to your right… then please move over. The left lane really is supposed to be the passing lane.

and

2. Parents training their children to mind them only when they are screaming out of utter frustration.

If you calmly tell your child to stop doing something or there will be some consequence… and they don’t stop immediately…then bring on the damn consequence!... regardless of how inconvenient it might be.

Working Late: Trying to Remain Professionally Relevant

A three hour (and sometimes two and a half hour) nap simply isn’t enough time to get any real work done. The stop and start is killing me…which shouldn't surprise me since I wasn't ever able to get enough done in a normal work day before. I have an obsessive compulsion to continue working on segments of projects that are always “almost done”… if that makes any sense.

Although I don't believe I'm one of those people who confuse working longer with working harder...my definition of significant progress seems to be “just a little more” than what I’ve accomplished once I realize it’s time to head home.  I hate leaving much of anything “on the table” for tomorrow. And now, it's even worse. I’m going to have to add late-night hours to the mix. Since Catherine goes down at around 8:30-9:00pm (a bedtime my mother delicately but persistently reminds me: “is not good for a baby”) so I should be able to do some additional work done from 10 until 1 or 2 in the morning.

Time Management: Juggling Work and Childcare

My late night schedule is working out pretty well. At the cost of going to bed with my wife, I’ve been able to take the lead on some legwork and re-package a construction debt placement proposal. Successfully managing this client is going to require some creativity in selling the developers on weekend site visits and meetings. It shouldn’t be too difficult as most of our conference calls can be scheduled during my daughter’s daytime naps. We hired a new assistant who should be able to work on this with me and fill-in when I’m “otherwise engaged”.  I’m also working with a client who can only meet on weekends (perfect!) and has a fairly large portfolio of un-leveraged properties which should make recapitalizing them require much less time than I had originally expected.  The heavy lifting required here is the creation of a global financial snapshot (which can be done at any hour) once I have all of his records. This just may work out after all. Shopping the debt piece shouldn’t take very long and can be done one phone call at a time….again during Catherine's naps.  I have a third client for whom I’m providing restaurant consulting services. We’ve already developed the concept, identified three potential sites and prepared his financials. The only things left to do now are: his operations manual, new hire orientation packets and redlining the counters to our LOIs…all of which I can do from home as well. It’s probably going to be exhausting but it is the only alternative I can think of to stave off industry irrelevance and professional atrophy in general. 

Watching The Clock: Feeling Terrible about Being Bored

I love my daughter with every ounce of my being but my ego keeps beating me up and making me feel like a glorified baby sitter. I’m just feeling unproductive. I need to be productive. I miss conversations with adults and being interested in my day. This amazing little girl of mine wants nothing more than to have me as her playmate. To play or paint or pretend with me. It’s a remarkable challenge to constantly come up with ideas and activities that are entertaining and fun for both of us. I try to adopt the mindset of a child and build cardboard castles or pillow forts but after 10 minutes, it’s all I can do to stay awake. I’m bored. I need to figure out a way to continue working …part-part-time. Something. Anything from home, Perhaps I can get some work done while she takes her three hour nap. That should be enough time to make a few phone calls and review a contract or two.

Brand Equity: My New Identity Crisis

I have a cousin who is a stay-at-home Dad. At one time, he was my sole reference for what it meant to be a stay-at-home Dad. Within the first year, he stopped shaving and got fat. He let his hair grow long and started to resemble the Trustafarians I hung out with in college. His “comfortable” clothes looked more “dirty” and “sloppy” to me and only served to strengthen my conviction “…that would never be my fate. And now I am becoming what I feared most. I’ve been letting myself go. I’m gaining weight, shaving every other day…or missing three days and then shaping my stubble into a starter beard. Then I’ll let that grow for about a week or two… until it’s a solid beard by anyone’s measure. I’ll then wear it for a another few days (to complete the illusion of intention) and then decide to shave it off or go all “Magnum P.I.” and take it off gradually…which can be pretty fun until you forget you have a 70’s mustache when you’re meeting some already skeptical stay-at-home-moms for the first time who probably think it looks more “Molester” than “Magnum”.

The irregular shaving can quickly go from bizarre fun to a pathetic attempt at masking my lack of  motivation...or perhaps telegraphing my identify crisis. I keep catching myself giving up on looking presentable and trying to look more…professional. More…employed. Regardless of the countless articles I've read that depict at-home dads as "in-vogue", I don't live in Tribecca and so in my social circles....and in my neighborhood I am a minority. I’m struggling with feeling a little inadequate, underutilized and under-valued. It's not "raised eyebrows" I'm encountering as much as an immediate dismissal from conversation or worse...snide remarks and backhanded compliments for my choice to give our daughter the parental attention that too many of recent generations are lacking.