Leading From Behind: A Montessorial Approach To Management

"Knowing what you don't know". I've had a strong distaste for that expression ever since I first heard it. Probably because whenever I did, it was most often from the mouths of ineffective leaders and often unethical superiors who would cite such wisdom upon my questioning their direction. It became a cliche synonymous with "because I said so". Years later, I came to appreciate these words after a leader, with the utmost integrity, used them in a helpful context as opposed to a derogatory one. She said "They don't even know what they don't know" to underscore the value in our service to many clients who, due to inexperience, were not only unaware of the hidden risks we would mitigate for them but of the potential harm those risks could cause as well.  Years of practical application experience widens one’s field of vision and increases the ability to anticipate future outcomes. When someone’s vulnerability, due to a lack of experience is recognized…the more experienced individual may then choose to either exploit the ignorant party or protect them.

Aiming to protect someone, from something they don't know can harm them, often leads to even the best-intentioned managers merely reinforcing the need for their own presence. More productive managers develop their people by fostering independence. This is most efficiently accomplished by creating opportunities for experiential learning. The wisdom to know when protection from errors is more preferable than containment of damage, depends largely on one’s scope of vision in calculating the various potential related impacts.

Due to our first-hand experience with the enforcement of carefully worded contractual contingencies, this former mentor taught me that our moral and fiduciary obligation was to be diligent in breaking down every agreement word-by-word. She made me realize that, very often, legal contracts may appear to the untrained eye more as lengthy legal translations of standard simple terms rather than artfully crafted prose intended to bore, confuse and distract those who are not avid readers of legalese. She was dedicated to protecting those who were easy prey for exploitation. Those who enjoy such literature as they would fiction…or a film: With the tendency to suspend disbelief and surrender oneself to the overall plot. Continually moving along with the current and without ever getting hung up on the branches of  an unknown word, inaudible line or some other “small detail”.

By adopting a Montessorial approach to management, it has become easier for me to realize the long-term value in allowing some foreseeable errors to occur and mitigate the damages they cause (provided such mis-steps provide experiential learning experiences whose value exceeds the risk of not being able to contain the potential damage created as a result). I now see the attempt to avoid every foreseeable mistake, as conventional wisdom might dictate, as short sighted. The ability to prevent even unexpected events from having catastrophic effects is empowering for any manager who appreciates the value of working with people who not only grow to anticipate outcomes…but change their own behavior as a result of learning from their own mistakes.

When I used to lead hiking trips through the Application Trail, I would position myself at the end of the line and the paramedic in front. Leading from behind enabled me to not only see if any one member of the team might be failing to keep up with the group,  but also offered me the vantage point of seeing the entire team and anything that might cross their path.

As parents my wife and I are now learning, first hand, the value in replicating the same kind of leadership we regularly witness in the Montessori classroom. By maintaining even the smallest amount of distance from our daughter during most tasks, we strategically position ourselves to prevent harm as opposed to prevent failure. For example: taking one step back keeps us close enough to prevent her from picking up the sharp pieces of a broken drinking glass, but far enough away for her to learn what happens if she drops it. 

This new sort of "leading from behind" has not only proved to bolster our daughter’s confidence in knowing that it's OK to fail, but more importantly in making her (and us) more and more aware of her own resilience.

Dynastic Trust: Advice to The Women My Daughter and Niece Will Someday Be.

1. Use your advantage to help others instead of hurt them. Other than in sporting... Never do anything that puts others at a disadvantage.

2. In matters of great importance, the best response is offered after emotion and suspicion yield to reason and logic. Wait one day to respond to anything that makes your face hot.

3. Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Give Up. The fear of falling is often more debilitating than the fall itself. It is in falling that we realize our resilience.

4. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It shows you recognize the importance of a task.

5. Sometimes doing nothing is a lot...but when you move, move with purpose.

6. Full Hands In. Full Hands Out.

7. Just tell the truth & never put a price on your principles.

8. Do more than the minimum & Leave people, places and things better than you find them.

9. Ski, Surf, Walk, Drive, Ride, Fly & Live in a predictable fashion whenever there are others behind or around you.

10. If you think you can, you will. If you think you can't, you won't.

11. The most Important things you will ever say: "After you", "Please", "Thank You", "I Love You" and "I'm Sorry".

12. Go to bed early. You will accomplish more before others wake than you will after they've gone to sleep.

13. Never drink more than one cocktail with subordinates or superiors. 

14. Dissenting opinions and unpleasant news should only be voiced if some significant good can come of it. Displaying one's level of intelligence or social connectivity does not constitute a "significant good".

15. Those who control others are strong. Those who control themselves are powerful...and more attractive. 

16. It's better to be wrong and alive, then right and dead.

17. Stand back when waiting for an elevator or when someone is exiting a room. If you give people enough space to exit first, there'll be more room for you to enter afterwards.   

18. Never write, text, email or post anything on-line that you wouldn't want to air as a commercial during the Super Bowl.

19. The power in hate, greed, negativity and jealousy is in it's ability to distract you. Don't let it. Never lower yourself to the level of those who thrive on such things. They say misery loves company...and there will always be people who are stressed, overwhelmed and/or unhappy with themselves. Never let them influence your opinion of yourself....because they will definitely try. And be as kind to them as possible. Not because they deserve it but because you are kind. ‘In a world where you can choose to be anything. Choose kind” - Anonymous

20. All the world's ills (other than those resulting from chemical or psychological imbalance) can be traced back to poor parenting and/or poor education. Never stop learning! 

21. A person's character is not so easily measured in times of comfort and advantage. The more accurate measure of one's character is taken in the most threatening of times... when weakness is most likely to triumph. Even then, character is not found in one's faults or folly but in the methods and sincerity with which they redeem themselves...and those they've failed.

22. Great intelligence demands even greater patience. Most disciplines are as much an exercise in intelligence as they are in patience.

23. Drugs are a distraction from: doing what truly makes your heart happiest, discovering the most beauty that life has to offer and knowing what day it is...additionally, they make bad ideas seem like decent ones. 

24. Listen carefully. There's a difference between being quiet while waiting for your turn to speak and being quiet in order to hear and consider what someone else is saying. The former requires you to simply close your mouth. The latter requires you to open your mind.

25. When no rule exists, do the right thing. There's always an opportunity / It's never too late to do the right thing.

26. Never buy a suburban home: at the bottom of a hill, near a body of water, near commercial zoning, with a flat roof or quickly built / renovated.

27. There's nothing worse than a bully. Stand up for yourself... and those who can not stand up for themselves.

"The greatest sin that could be committed is the abuse of power. Whether it's mental, physical or economic." - Joe Biden

28. Sustained actions speak louder than words.

29. Never underestimate anyone...especially yourself.

30. In life, there will always be positives and there will always be negatives. Your attitude is driven by which you choose to focus on each and every day. It’s not what happens to you that matters; it’s how you choose to respond. (Read "The Road Less Traveled".)

31. Everything is relative. Everyone's perception is their reality. 

32. Never recline a seat in coach or fart in an elevator if you can help it. Both may provide some relief but it's usually at the expense of another.

33. Everything is on it's way somewhere. Nothing "goes away" and nothing can be "thrown away".

34. “Quality work is expensive. Cheap work costs even more.”

35. Be mindful of the ease with which an unintended tone can be imparted to the written word of another. Read "The 5 Minute Manager".

36. Mistakes and inconsistencies are where the natural beauty lies. There is no such thing as "perfect" and there is no such thing as "right" or "wrong" in art.

36. The Platinum Rule: Treat Others as They Want To Be Treated.

37. Nothing great is ever accomplished alone.

38. You can teach most anyone a skill... but you can't teach anyone personality and character.

39. Make time to be still and quiet in nature...then dance in the rain and let yourself get soaked! It's good for the soul.

40. If you're having a problem with a person or situation, look at your own behavior first...and then look at your own behavior again.

41. Treat every one & every place like a campsite... Leave them a little better than how you found them.

42. Exercise is the ultimate antidepressant...and greatest tailor. 

43. When facing any catastrophe, ask yourself: "How much will this matter in 20 years?".

44. Collaborate with people from all different walks of life. The cross-pollination between passionate people from various disciplines enables real innovation to flourish.

45. Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle... hidden or not. 

46. Boys will break your heart (especially when you forget how wonderful your are). Let them. Learn from it.

47. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer allows you to grow.

48. Stop calling him. Stop texting him. Stop saying things you hope he will hear. If he wanted you, and deserved you...he'd be there.

49. Bellybutton piercings and tattoos are always bad ideas. Self-acceptance is the coolest accessory.

50. Life begins where your comfort zone ends. Be carefree...but don't be careless.

51. Seeing the good in something and building on it is usually more productive than seeing the bad and trying to fix it.

52. You don't have to practice law but you should study law for the sake of your freedom...as both lawyers and judges are human.

53. You will find that some laws are only elucidated once the enforcement of them serves the interest of one (or few) who profit by their application.

54. It's far easier for some to believe a lie that supports one's prejudice and resentment than to maintain an open mind while seeking the truth.

55. You are bound to find some discontent in your life. Don't let that discontent form your opinions, design  your truth or decide your happiness...for hatred, injustice and the absence of peace in the world begins with the prejudice discovered upon projecting self depreciation onto others. 

56. Time doesn't heal all wounds...but it does allow for more experiences which, in turn, yield a different perspective.

57. Don't let anyone define your self-worth...not even him.

58. “Gentlemen, we are going to relentlessly chase perfection, knowing full well we will not catch it because nothing is perfect. But we are going to chase it, because in the process we will catch excellence. I am not remotely interested in just being good.” -Vince Lombardi

59. Most people let down their guard after 6 months...if they ever had it up.

60. Be grateful & love with everything you've got as I and your Mom love you. No matter what... forever and beyond. 

61. READ THE DIRECTIONS. THERE ARE ALWAYS DIRECTIONS.

62. Study Immanuel Kant’s Moral Philosophy namely… Categorical and Hypothetical Imperatives & The Formula of the Universal Law of Nature.

63.  Listen to The Beatles. There's a lot of wisdom in their simple lyrics and they can be a good "home away from home".

64. Do everything to the best of your ability with the time allotted.

65. Sing out loud.

66. Seeing the good and building on it is always more productive than seeing the bad and trying to change it.

67. In life, you will encounter plenty of "sharks". When you do, summon up all of your strength and punch it in the snout. It will most likely turn and swim away.

68. Always consider the source of the information you receive and the source of the food you eat. Your interests may not be aligned nor your motives..

69. Resist the notion that there is more hate in the world than love. Although some may profit by magnifying it or by drawing your attention to it - it simply isn't true.

70. Go for the job that feeds your interest, offers the best culture and delivers the most thorough training.

71. AIM TO SAVE 30%, SPEND 60% & SHARE 10%.

72. Clean tools work better.

73. Read “The Metaphysics of Morals” by Immanuel Kant

74. "Travel is fatal to ignorance and prejudice" - Mark Twain

75. The best ideas come from greater exposure and a change of scenery.

76. AIM TO SAVE 30% SPEND 60% & SHARE 10%...and consider an index fund.

77. Decisions, based on a longview approach that considers ancillary impacts, take time. But trusting your gut will save your ass immediately.

78. If you can't find something - try straightening up the place.

79 If you don’t prepare for the expected, you’ll be too busy to address the unexpected.

80. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it can only be transformed from one form to another... we don't die just because our bodies do. We are all a collection of our past and present and future experiences…a union of every person we’ve touched along our way. from a smile on the street to a mother’s love and when someone dies, that part of them that touched, changed and helped to form who you are - lives on through you and the countless people whose paths you cross.

81. Your thoughts are real things. Your thoughts create vibrations and vibrations create real things Read,, listen and watch ‘The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne.

82. It’s taken me 50 years to formulate a pretty good guess at the Meaning of Life. Savor the ups and downs. The lights and darks. the pain and pleasure. The sadness and joy…for each and every one of these experiences gives you context, appreciation and ability to understand that the Meaning of Life may very well be to connect with others and the world itself through the ART of Loving, Learning, Imagining, Creating and Sharing. 

MBWA: Taking the Longer Route

My wife Sarah and I had always wanted to take a long train ride on some luxury rail car like the Orient Express...across the country. Around mountains and across prairies. Over bridges and through valleys. There's something romantic in a train's history... from the days of steam locomotives and establishment of the trans-continental railroad to classic murder mysteries and black and white Hitchcock films. The idea of seeing beautiful landscapes, at the ground level without the necessity of driving or piloting is novel to me. Perhaps the allure is in taking the long way when we spend so much of our lives on a tight schedule...hurrying from here to there.

After hearing myself explaining to our daughter: "let's go or we're going to be late..." far too many times,  my wife and I finally decided to pull the trigger and break the mold of our traditional vacations and take "relaxing" beyond the beach... or a day spent at the park.  Enjoying a museum or time in Catherine's "play room / art studio" is relaxing as well but I think it's important that we incorporate more dramatic pauses into her early developmental years and take the time to observe the world from a very different perspective.

I once read an article in the Long Beach Business Journal written by Ian Lamont, Senior Consultant and Principle of The Lamont Group (TLG).

In his article titled: "Knowing what you Don’t Know", he mentioned a concept that greatly impacted his leadership style and perspective on business known as “Management by Wandering Around”. Although I’m a firm advocate of hospitality managers and athletes “moving with a purpose” (as a friend and former colleague, Tom Jackson, used to be fond of saying), the concept has stuck with me as a valuable tool used to successful temper over-management.

“…a book I read when I was a young manager, full of ego and pride, was Tom Peter’s In Search of Excellence. One term that stayed with me was “MBWA- management by wandering around.” In my career I have been the CEO of small businesses and large businesses. No matter the size, most days I did my “MBWA”. Despite having other executives tell me “I don’t have time to wander around,” nothing I could have done at my desk was more valuable than what I learned during my “wandering around.”

I learned about families, vacations, upcoming celebrations and life’s struggles. I became human to employees (fancy that, the CEO cares). I found out what was impacting their performance, what they thought, what they would do. My management team started “MBWA” also and not just in their own department. I am proud to say at every business, performance was high, and record setting years occurred. Not because of me or even my senior managers. It was due to the right people being put in the best position to be successful and everyone understanding that if they did not know the answer, it was OK to seek out someone who did.

So try “MBWA”. Ask the people around you, "What do you need to know to do your job?" Sit with them at their desks and ask them about the processes they've adopted; the systems they use and the knowledge they draw upon. The answers will surprise you, especially after they get accustomed to the surprise of you asking.

Kick off every staff meeting by going around the room and asking participants to volunteer something they've recently learned about the business.

By showing you're constantly hungry for knowledge, you create an open culture that facilitates the free exchange of ideas. And the best part of all is that you'll maintain a high degree of self-awareness: You'll act on what you know — and take steps to find out what you don't. You will park your ego and pride and become one heck of a leader!”

I’m convinced that there is value in sitting back and watching the world as it plays by through something other than the screen of an i pad or large screen LED. Don't get me wrong...our daughter has plenty of “outside time” riding her bike, going for walks, playing in the park or on her play set with friends....but we are committed to exposing her to the natural world from as many different perspectives as possible.

Most of the majestic sights she's witnessed have been while engaged in some other consuming activity...be it playing on the beach, skiing atop a mountain, flying 15,000 feet above the ground or from the confines of a car seat.

Although the Grand Canyon, Volcanos and Giant Sequoias are on our must-see list...taking a long ride and just watching the world go by seems important right now.

After heading to New York to see the Big Apple Circus (a requisite after watching Madagascar 3 almost as many times as she's watched Mac and Cheese dissapear from a spoon) we will be taking an 11 hour train ride from Penn Station to Mount Tremblant in Quebec Canada. The Adirondack train's route from New York City, through the lush wine country of the Hudson Valley, into Montreal is supposedly "one of the top 10 most scenic train rides in the world".

Stacy King Gordon of suiteseven.com writes:  

"...many of the people to whom we speak are laser-focused on the get-er-done: driving the day-to-day business ahead with the blocking and tackling necessary to close sales, get projects done satisfactorily and maintain strong customer relationships. It leaves very little time for stepping outside the workflow and thinking about business strategy in the abstract. Spending an hour talking about opportunities, challenges, the marketplace, competitors and other topics is a rarity...That’s why brainstorming sessions — which creative teams have always believed to be the magic bullet for uncovering great ideas — are not always successful. Brainstorming team members are so focused on solving the problem within the time allotted that they don’t take the time to reflect on the business realities and naturally make the connections that help them arrive at a real breakthrough. (Scientists have even found that brain activity when arriving at creative a-ha’s is very different from the activity involved with traditional problem-solving.)"

Heading north, we will depart New York's Penn Station in the morning and arrive in Montreal later that evening, where we will take a car to what the New York Times calls "...[the combination] of a charming Canadian rustic logging town and the Old World flavor of the French Alps ... with a European-style pedestrian village nestled at the bottom of the mountains. We'll forgo the long way home in lieu of a direct flight back to Sioux Falls that affords us an extra day to ski... but the long route getting there should be a memorable and "grounding" experience.

Staying Afloat: Never Turn Your Back on The Essentials

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately, in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence..."'

-Although merely the comedy of Oscar Wilde, this line has lately been extremely evocative, for me, of our Department of Education's inertia in light of positive findings in Montessori research:

http://www.montessori.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=422:montessori-rese..

http://montessoricompass.com/blog/new-research-collaboration-provides-big-opportunity-for-montessori

http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500368_162-2050676.html

…and our many states’ recent retreat from potential recovery -in the face of pending sequestration which will likely result in extremely damaging federal cuts to education. 

Michael Sargeant’s (Huffington Post) article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-sargeant/north-carolina-education-cuts_b_3785414.html  discusses the efforts by North Carolina's GOP to create new private school vouchers called: "opportunity scholarships". This.$90MM taxpayer contribution drains $500MM out of the public education system sans accountability.

Cuts like these to education budgets (USA TODAY) in order to offset economic shortfalls is like watering the lawn when the roof is on fire:

Read More:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/business/2013/09/25/7-states-slashing-education-spending/2866529/

I'm reminded of wisdom regarding downsizing in the business world:

"If a firm is able to concentrate it's expenses around the capabilities that make a real difference in terms of winning in the market then great things happen...then they are able to invest in the areas that cause them to thrive and to grow....people, processes and expertise that allow them to out-execute competition" 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8w_aXu2izI

Cesare Mainardi, Managing Director, Booz & Company, How executives should cut costs but often dont.

Circle Back: Valuable Lessons in Getting Back to Nature

A Montessorial approach to nature, in which the interconnectedness of simple structures is considered, can deepen an understanding and appreciation of many more seemingly complex principles and/or operations within a multitude of fields from business to medicine.

I saw a program on NOVA the other night, the topic of which was "Nanoarchitecture" and it was fascinating to learn that when you reduced the size of a gold particle (to the size of nanometers) you get completely different optical properties. Gold is no longer "gold" in color when taken to the 13 nanometer size. It's ruby red in color. 

"...when a particle of gold is made very small...below 100 nanometers, the smaller the particle, the more it begins to absorb shorter wavelengths of light. Toward the blue end of the spectrum..and the redder it appears. When light rays hit a colored material some rays are absorbed and some are reflected."

-Chad Merkin and David  Pogue Nova Series "Making Things Smaller"

The series also discussed "Structural Color...(as found in the iridescence of butterfly wings, beetle shells and peacock feathers). "Once you discover those new properties of nanoparticles, it almost always leads to new applications." Once such application is a new process of sequencing DNA / testing for genetic variations which is capable of being completed in less than 2hrs. One of the experiments which led to this DNA testing breakthough was one in which equal amounts but different shapes of silver nanoparticles were dissolved in vials of water. Different colored liquids were created based solely on the shape of those silver particles. Silver rods turned the water yellow, silver triangles turned the water green and silver prisms turned the water blue. These newly discovered reactions of nanoparticles were used to help develop the test that enables chromosomal abnormalities to be highlighted upon addition of similarly altered nanoparticles to a DNA sample.

There is tremendous value when a parent or business owner is reminded, through a Montessorial observation of the natural world, that visually observed characteristics of things (or people) can be variables depending on applied forces and independent perspectives...and that those observed characteristics don't necessarily dictate substance. Not only does this promote a wider-view perspective but it also reinforces the value in seeking possible factors outside of one's initial consideration. 

If you pause long enough to take a much broader view of your child's development or of your business' operations, you may be fortunate enough to recognize that the natural world and the business world are inexorably bound due to the fact that we ourselves, regardless of how technical our tools or how complex our lives, are merely components born of and operating within the same kingdom as the elephant and the honeybee.

After a small amount of research, I quickly learned that applying holistic and systemic approaches to business, social or educational organizations based on principles in nature is not, by any stretch, new thinking... but has certainly been gaining more traction over the last few years.

Business Reinvention with Nancy Lin discusses the fact that scientists and technologists are uncovering innovative ideas and borrow efficient designs from nature. She answers the question: “Does nature offer leadership lessons that can help us manage the increasing level of uncertainty, speed of change and limited resources to achieve such business transformation?" in her January 6th interview with the Denise DeLuca, co-founder and director of BCI, Biomimicry for Creative Innovation.

Alan Moore, author of No Straight Lines discusses the fact that a non-linear world is one in which we embrace the power and potential of complexity rather than trying to break it down into unconnected bits and that we see the world systemically. A non-linear world is where we have the capacity and the tools (which already exist) to transform our organizations commercially and non-commercially to work with the grain of human nature not against it that run leaner, more efficiently, and are greener. 

Giles Hutchins’ blog, The Nature of Business (one of my newest favorites) is exploring similar understandings of the interconnectedness of all things in nature and writes:

"Knowledge of the core principles of how life works becomes a critical skill for business leaders and change agents wishing to successfully transform their organizations in these volatile times.  It is what  BCI (Biomimicry for Creative Innovation) calls ‘ecological thinking for radical transformation'."

Most people in business subscribe to an outdated worldview, a perception of reality inadequate for dealing with the volatile and globally interconnected business world.  What is required for the health and vitality of our businesses and economies is a radical shift in our perceptions, our thinking and our business behavior.  We are witnessing a change in the business paradigm from one suited for the industrial era to one suited for the interconnected era.

At the core of this paradigm shift is a perception shift from ‘seperatedness’ to ‘interconnectedness’.

Just as in science we have discovered that no longer can the universe be viewed as a machine composed of elementary building blocks, so too must we avoid the propensity to view organizations as atomized, silo’ed and tightly managed machines more then we need view them as vibrant, living organisms interacting within emergent, self-regulating and self-organizing business ecosystems."

  "Evolution is no longer seen as a competitive struggle for existence, but rather as a ‘cooperative dance in which creativity and the constant emergence of novelty are the driving forces"

-Fritjof Capra / Founding Director / The Centre for Ecoliteracy.

Ditto for business evolution and so business people need to shift perceptions from "...seeing isolated, competing aspects of the business environment to seeing the interconnected and emergent nature of the business reality ahead.”

And finally, Fortune Magazine’s Jennifer Alserver significantly contributed to this concept back in her March 2013 article titled “8 Lessons from the Birds and the Bees”:

“The burgeoning field of biomimicry, in which scientists copy nature to solve human problems, has drawn interest across industries -- from energy to consumer goods. 'There is a whole pipeline of people inventing by looking to the natural world', says Janine Benyus, founder of Biomimicry 3.8, a consultancy that has helped Colgate-Palmolive (CL, Fortune 500), Levis, Nike (NKE, Fortune 500) and Boeing (BA, Fortune 500) reformulate products using biomimicry  “.

Nicholas Sykes' TED X talk: - Biomimicry 2.0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKQvr-RJQeg&noredirect=1

I continue to discover new and exciting aspects of my business since adopting a more Montessorial perspective on any business venture. 

Motivation: Discovering The Best Environment

“Which environment is best for our daughter?”

&

“How can we raise our daughter to thrive and assimilate in any environment…competitive or not?” 

When I consider a competitive environment as potentially the best environment for our daughter, the age old question of Nature vs. Nurture springs to mind. I have decided that one's development is a driven by both…and thus it is imperative for my wife and I to not only fully develop what nature has given us but also (and simultaneously) offer the benefits of external "reinforcements" as well.

Putting our daughter in the "right environment" can involve anything from surrounding her with people who contribute positively to an environment of competition and defining particular norms, to surrounding her with the natural wonders of the world to observe independently... or both.  At some point in her future some of these (either "natural" or "nurtured") tenants may be lacking and she may need to rely more heavily on one than the other…like a crutch bearing the additional weight after one loses the use of one leg.

Social Psychology breaks “Motivation in Education” down into two main branches: Intrinsic (or self) Motivation and Extrinsic (or outside) Motivation.

Although I believe we are a collection of all our experiences and all of those that touch us (from a "hello" offered by a complete stranger to being married, for 50 years, to your best friend) I think the greatest impact on character is deeply ingrained during our more formative years by our parent(s) and/or guardian(s). 

I acknowledge that no development ever occurs in a vacum. However, I believe my values and ethics are more a result of my parents' nurturing than of external influences like my hometown or the schools I've attended. My mother and father exposed me to so much of the world, provided countless outlets to discover nature, passed down their own values (likely influenced by their parents) and promoted intrinsic motivation with love, attention, patience and perhaps, at times, a bit too much praise. 

"That what urges children toward civilized life is the love they bear to the persons who educate them, and, little by little, the possibility of tasting some of the comforts which are undoubtedly an aid to civilized life." - Maria Montessori

If External Influences and developed Extrinsic Motivators are variables due to their reliance on uncontrollable outside elements (and can thus prove elusive at times), then logic would dictate that an educational foundation based on the development of Intrinsic Motivation is more likely to better equip children to be competent learners and performers in the potential absence of Extrinsic Motivation… and thus thrive far beyond a basic competence if and when Extrinsic Motivation is in great supply. In short, I would rather my daughter’s level of success in achieving her goals rely more heavily on her self-gratification than on the reinforcement / praise by others.

Intrinsic Motivation:

"Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on external pressures or a desire for reward. Intrinsic motivation has been studied since the early 1970s. Students who are intrinsically motivated are more likely to engage in the task willingly as well as work to improve their skills, which will increase their capabilities.

Extrinsic Motivation:

"Extrinsic motivation refers to the performance of an activity in order to attain an outcome, whether or not that activity is also intrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards (for example money or grades) for showing the desired behavior, and the threat of punishment following misbehavior. Competition is in an extrinsic motivator because it encourages the performer to win and to beat others, not simply to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity. A cheering crowd and the desire to win a trophy are also extrinsic incentives.[7]"

Comparison of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation:

"Social psychological research has indicated that extrinsic rewards can lead to over justification and a subsequent reduction in intrinsic motivation. In one study demonstrating this effect, children who expected to be (and were) rewarded with a ribbon and a gold star for drawing pictures spent less time playing with the drawing materials in subsequent observations than children who were assigned to an unexpected reward condition.[8] While the provision of extrinsic rewards might reduce the desirability of an activity, the use of extrinsic constraints, such as the threat of punishment, against performing an activity has actually been found to increase one's intrinsic interest in that activity. In one study, when children were given mild threats against playing with an attractive toy, it was found that the threat actually served to increase the child's interest in the toy, which was previously undesirable to the child in the absence of threat.[9]

For those children who received no extrinsic reward, self-determination theory proposes that extrinsic motivation can be internalized by the individual if the task fits with their values and beliefs and therefore helps to fulfill their basic psychological needs.”

We witnessed numerous signs that Intrinsic Motivation was being employed when we first visited our daughter's school (Baan Dek Montessori). Through the school's focus on: fostering independence, minimizing distractions, opening outlets to nature, challenging each student in a mixed-age environment and allowing students to make their own mistakes; we felt the students seemed to take more of a personal ownership in their learning and thus develop their own gratification of arriving at correct answers...at their own pace.

Po Bronson presented a unique perspective on motivation and competition onKQED’s Forumwhere he discussed his (and co-author Ashley Merryman’s) book Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing

“The performance-enhancing effects of competition and teams do not apply only at elite levels such as the Olympics or in physical match-ups. Competitions held in classrooms and lunch rooms across the country also push kids to do better. In finite games, you compete and then you let it go, and you have rest and recuperation – that’s actually really important for kids. It’s the continuous sense of pressure that is unhealthy for them.

Equally not advantageous is the act of always letting kids win

"It’s a common scene: a child and an adult race, and the adult holds back to allow the child the thrill of winning or perhaps, more realistically, to avoid tears. But losing is a lesson everyone should learn. If kids don’t learn to lose they’re going to feel entitled to win. They’re also going to make a connection that fear of losing is going to prevent them from taking the risk in the first place. And what kids do need to learn is losing is not that big a deal. They need to learn to lose and go ‘Oh, whatever,’ and move on and keep playing."

But if and when you do let them win, base that decision on their effort.

In conclusion, I believe the ferocity of competition and social norms within any environment, while significant, holds much less influence on a child's development than active and involved parents who recognize:

"...that human beings do not live by nourishment and oxygen alone, as we have carelessly thought, but they live by means of many other natural elements. Being in contact with the earth, the sun, and the vegetable life of plants is like drinking from the very springs of our life. And these principles, which we might call materialistic and physiological, are just now appearing on the pedagogical horizon."- Maria Montessori's March 27, 1913 adress "Nature in Education" as edited by AMI Journal Special, July 2013

There are pros and cons to raising and educating children in any environment and in any institution. The best environment for empowering any child (or more specifically, our daughter) is not the one that meets any measure of excellence or serves a reliance on external influences like competition to aid in the development of our daughter's "survival" skills. The best environment is any one where we, as parents, are: safe, healthy, happy and can best afford the most time, educational resources and personal attention to invest in the most wonderful journey of loving, learning and sharing that is parenthood. 

Environmental Influences: Competition, Adaptation & Evolution

I am pondering whether our daughter would be more empowered to succeed in the pursuit of our ambitious goal for her (to effect  positive change in the world) if placed in a competitive environment that promotes the development of survival skills, or if she would be better off rarely having to exercise those skills at all.

A behavior is always to be taken transactionally: i.e., never as of the organism alone, any more than of the   environment alone, but always as of the organic-environmental situation, with   organisms and environmental objects taken as equally its aspect. 
  ---- Dewey and Bentley, 1949

I began researching competitive environments in an effort to discover what defines or establishes “professional standards” and “social expectations”.  After coming across a quote by Criss Jami,  I seriously considered my level of professional expectations, to some extent, a deficit or “flaw”… a result of my own limited exposure and inability to appreciate the polarity of competitive vs. slower paced markets and thus having my own limited perspective / environment form what are perhaps ego-centric expectations.

Criss Jami writes: 

“Self-righteousness is much like a spiritual egocentricity. It constitutes a secular type of love that thrives under conditionality, one in which is only existent after an individual meets the adopted standards of the condemner; oppositely, unconditional love is a holy love.” 
― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

Jami’s writing got me thinking deeper about what specific differences I was perceiving from market to market and I was reminded of my Grandpop Pete, who was a self-made millionaire and serial entrepreneur-

On Pride & Promotion:

"If you’re going to do any job at all,” he used to say “do it to the best of your ability. The result will be something special... When they asked me to sweep a floor in the Navy; I made damn sure I was going to be the best floor sweeper they had ever seen!"

It’s not much of a stretch to correlate “The Will to Succeed” with the similar “Will to Survive”.

Which causes me to consider my particular concept of “professional standards" as a learned survival skill which, inherently, would only be suited for particular environments.

Perhaps one’s conception of "professional standards" is as subjective as beauty…as pace…as rhythm. It’s certainly plausible that everyone’s own idea of “excellence” may be unique. Perhaps mine is merely a result of appreciating an unnecessarily high level of attention to detail and efficiency that has evolved in an densely populated environment saturated with proficiency... and thus demands it, if for no other reason... than to enable some to “stand out” in a crowd and “survive” professionally in an over-crowded and thus overly-competitive marketplace.  

 If population and market dynamics among cities, regions or countries vary significantly then “standards of excellence” may very well be as variable as cultural norms throughout the globe.

The question as to “Which environment is better for our daughter?”, has now evolved into “How can we raise our daughter to thrive and easily assimilate in any environment…competitive or not?

In asking myself these questions, I begin to question my own current social expectation theory: that “survival” is inexorably linked with adaptability - a trait of natural selection “adopted” to ensure survival….much like “industrial melanism” as postulated by Michael Majerus in “Melanism -Evolution in Action”

“Industrial Melanism” as postulated by Michael Majerus:

The light-colored form of the moth, known as typica, was the predominant form in England prior to the beginning of the industrial revolution. Shown at left, the typica moth's speckled wings are easy to spot against a dark background, but would be difficult to pick out against the light-colored bark of many trees common in England.

Around   the middle of the 19th   century, however, a new form of the moth began   to appear. The first report of   a dark-colored peppered moth was made in 1848. By 1895, the frequency in Manchester had reached a reported level of 98% of the moths.

This dark-colored form is known as carbonaria, and (as shown at right), it is easiest to see against a light background. As you can well imagine, carbonaria   would be almost invisible against a dark   background, just as typica would be difficult to see against a   light background. The increase in carbonaria moths was so dramatic that many naturalists made the immediate suggestion that it had to be the result of the effects of industrial activity on the local landscape.

As noted on page 297 of the  Elephant Book, coal burned during the early decades of the industrial   revolution produced soot that blanketed the countryside of the industrial areas of England between London and Manchester. Several naturalists noted   that the typica form was more common in the countryside, while the carbonaria moth prevailed in the sooty regions.  Not surprisingly, many jumped to the conclusion that the darker moths had some sort of survival advantage in the newly-darkened landscape.

In recent years, the burning of  cleaner fuels and the advent of Clean Air laws has changed the countryside even in industrial areas, and the sootiness that prevailed during the 19th century is all but gone from urban England. Coincidentally, the prevalence of the carbonaria form has declined dramatically. In fact, some biologists suggest that the dark forms will be all but extinct within a few decades.

For evolutionary biologists, the question behind the rise and fall of the carbonaria form is "Why?" Why should the dark phenotype have appeared so suddenly, come to dominate the population in industrial areas, and then have declined just as sharply when levels of pollution declined? To many biologists, the   answer seemed obvious. In areas where pollution had darkened the landscape, the darker moths were better camouflaged and less like to be eaten by birds. Under less-polluted conditions, the light-colored moths prevailed for similar reasons.

But was the obvious answer correct? That's what Kettlewell set out to check in a series of classic   studies carried out in the 1950s. As described in Chapter 14 of the text, his results seemed to confirm that background camouflage was the key”

Other examples of surviving through adaptation & evolution born out of competition can be seen in forests: 

“Forest trees grow tall to compete with their neighbors for light. The competition is fierce, and the stakes are high. Most tree species can't reproduce without winning a place in the forest canopy. The evolution of trees is thought to be a kind of race; every time one species acquires the ability to get taller, it ups the ante for all the other species around it."

Taken from: http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/volunteer/janfeb10/tree_growth.html

Now considering the following:

Social Norms _"...people tend to adopt social norms and to tailor their behavior to meet the expectations those norms provide. When others do not meet these expectations, misunderstanding and conflict can result, or it can cause an individual to re-examine his expectations."

Social Roles- "Social roles are largely the result of internalizing normative behavior. By internalizing social roles, people learn what kinds of behavior are expected of them and adopt a set of expectations for the behavior of others. Social roles are considered social constructions, in that there is nothing inherent or essential about such behavior; instead, it is considered to be the result of social conditioning and acculturation."

--Cultural Expectations, Social Behavior and Interaction by: R.J. Rummel

Perhaps the best course of action is well-rounding our daughter as much as possible by exposing her to as many different environments as we can. This my serve to reinforce the inherent dangers of ego-centrism---namely, the frustration that often occurs a result of not being able to easily assimilate.

I heard a sermon recently, by pastor Jeff Wheeler of Central Baptist church here in Sioux Falls, - who spoke about Mark 5:19 and the value of leading an "oikos-centric" life. He was right. Considering a greater purpose of our lives, as the source of some possible service to our larger community/"oikos", has led me into an awareness and a re-alignment of my focus beyond the importance of having my own wants and expectations met...into remembering what I often tell clients: "...possibilities for greater things only reveal themselves when we take a step back and pause from the distractions of ourselves to see the bigger picture." 

Mass Production: Behind The Scenes Of Dinner Aboard A Disney Cruise Ship

The trip my family took aboard the Disney Dream was indeed magical. Everyone enjoyed themselves tremendously and I was given a rare opportunity to perform some naturalistic observation research on Disney Cruise Line's food service operations.  I was excited to observe, first-hand, systems utilized by all 165 of their cooks (actually 164... after one was fired and sent home after a hand washing violation). With approx 20 cooks on each of the restaurants' lines, except for Palo which has a team of 7, the need for effective communication and efficiency is high.  A huge number of people are served aboard these ships (ours held 4,000 and on this particular voyage there were 3,842) so the restaurants operate at a level of efficiency akin to that of a military operation... which means: achieving the greatest level of precision with the least amount of "collateral damage". The key is focusing on the big picture (or "mission") which is getting a lot of food, cooked properly, to the right people at the right time. It's not about innovative cerebral cuisine expertly prepared with light-handed nuances. Therefore, disappointing those guests with lofty expectations of having one of the best meals they've ever eaten... is what I am referring to as "collateral damage". On my back-stage tour, I learned a few unique ways Disney effectively satisfies their loyal customers... which made for very useful souvenirs to take home with me.

New Lenses: Evaluating A Business' Process Management From A Montessorial Perspective

In the book The Innovator’s DNA: Mastering the five skills of disruptive innovators, the authors state, “Innovative break-throughs often happen at the intersection of diverse disciplines and fields.” It’s true, there is often merit in taking ideas and innovations from one industry and applying it to one that is unrelated. Travel writer, Giles Foden, has a “cinematic approach” to gain different perspectives in his writing; by varying the lenses through which Foden views the world, he captures the story he wants to tell. On a parallel plain, varying the lens, from wide-lens to zoom may have you seeing your business with fresh perspective.

Carmen Morgan – The Writing on The Wall

I enjoy discovering how things work. And Since I don’t have a job yet, I’ve been spending a lot of time observing business models (mostly retail) and finding a lot of value in looking at them from a “Montessorial perspective”…which is to say, deconstructing their most basic function(s) and then tracing the process backwards from the end of the customer experience back to the production process. It’s how I see my three year old daughter learning mathematics. Her Montessori teachers have broken math down to the core elements of: patience, dexterity, counting and the physical comprehension of quantity

Studying business operations is stimulating largely because of the challenge presented when conventional process systems are often broken to some degree and with a small amount of adjustment…what I like to call: “microfinement of process management”, you can usually find greater efficiency for the multitude of people any single transaction or service affects in it’s lifespan.

The challenging aspect of recognizing curable inefficiencies or identifying potential process improvements is the necessity to view the entire process from an “outside” and “far-sighted” perspective so that every degree of future impact separation can be considered from a distance like a position on a map.

I was going through my closet the other day when it occurred to me that although I was satisfied with the job my dry cleaner was doing with my clothes…all of my shirts seemed to be facing the wrong direction. Instead of the hooks of the hangers making a question mark…they opened to the opposite side (to the right). After trying to relocate the shirts on different bars throughout the closet, I realized that the only fix to this problem was to unbutton every shirt and put them back on the hangers after turning the hanger around so that the hooks of the hangers formed a question mark (opening to the left instead of to the right).

Every article of clothing my drycleaner hung (from my wife’s dresses to my sport jackets) faced the “wrong way”. On our recent move from Philadelphia to Sioux Falls, I had transported a few of shirts and suits that had been dry cleaned in Philadelphia and never came out of the dry cleaning plastic sheaths they were picked-up in.  While in the process of pairing shirts up with suits, I noticed that I was able to slide all of the suits still covered in plastic (from my Philadelphia drycleaner) to the right while standing on the left and viewing them from the front. When I placed a recently dry cleaned shirt in front of these particular suits, the shirt was facing away from me and I was unable to view the pairing as it would appear when worn.   

Thinking that this may just have been the standard operating procedure of one particular dry cleaner…and being happy with that dry cleaner, I made a mental note to ask them if it would be possible to put my shirts facing in the opposite direction upon my next visit.

It wasn't until several trips later to the dry cleaner that I remembered and had asked if it was possible for them to accommodate my peculiar request. The owner of the dry cleaner informed me that they were unable to change the direction of the hangers since all of the garments go through “a machine” and are all hung in the same direction. I tried to explain why I believed all of the shirts were being put on hangers facing in the wrong direction but I was not successful in effectively communicating my point. I dismissed this minor inconvenience like a man who continues to work with slightly broken tools…until I went to a new dry cleaner out of convenience before a trip out of town. I noticed they too had shirts and dresses hung in a similar fashion. 3 dry cleaners later it occurred to me that most every dry cleaner in town was hanging their shirts and what I had decided was the wrong direction. That should have been sufficient evidence that I was the one whose perspective required some adjustment...but regardless of how hard I tried to accept it, it still bothered me.

I mentioned this to a few friends who dismissed my attention to this minutia of detail as not only silly but also irrelevant and uninteresting. “Seriously?...Who cares?” they said. But my discomfort with this process intrigued me as if it were a puzzle…or a movie title I couldn't remember. I gave it some serious thought and realized that in a world where most of us are right hand dominant and in a country where we read from left to right it would make perfect sense that the clothing industry would display their garments in the manner I expected...in a way that was not only efficient but also enabled a consumer to envision themselves wearing the garments when sliding them left to right (as a mannequin would mirror them).  

I went to a few stores ranging from low to high-end (The Salvation Army, Target, Khols, The GAP, Macy’s, J.Crew, Brooks Bothers, Nordstrom, Saks 5th Avenue, Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman). Every one of these retailers had their garments hung on  display racks in the same way. They were all hung so that you can move the items from left to right and quickly observe the shirt, dress, sweater or whatever, on the right hand side facing you as it would be in a mirror if you took the time to try it on. I was discussing this with an executive at Gap North America who told me that she had "spent some time in the fashion industry and explained that it was common knowledge, in retail, that the hanger should always be making a 'question mark' at the top when facing a customer in order to ensure uniformity. Not only on horizontal racks but on rounders [AKA: circular racks) and T-Racks as well. The reason being: so that whether right-handed customers are pulling the garments towards them or pushing the garments away, the garments are always facing the same direction and always 'mirroring' the [right-handed] customer." 

What these dry cleaners are doing by putting garments on hangers where the hook goes to the right instead of the left made me question why such a fundamental convenience was not availed to their customers. There was something to learn here in seeing how their system worked. It posed an interesting life-cycle of service opportunity to learn where the breakdown occurred and how I might prevent similar breakdowns in developing production management systems for restaurants… or for any service related business. I went back to my regular dry cleaner that week and told him that I once had an opportunity to work in a dry cleaner one summer as a boy and had always regretted it because of the mystery of what happens to the clothes when they go behind the wall. I told him that I found it very curious and asked if I could take a peek behind the curtain and see the Great and Powerful OZ. He agreed happily and even offered to show me how each station and each machine works. Not surprisingly, the entire process was a horse-shoe shaped assembly line that went from the left side of the store all the way around to the right of the store where the clothes were picked up. The clothes would travel this path of individual stations after being tagged and sorted by hand at the first station.

Some garments go to the laundering station and some skipped to the dry cleaning station (quite a machine!). After being cleaned, some go to the tailoring station while most go to the next station in a large canvas bin with wheels where they are fit over what looks like a large human figure / dummy. (Every dry cleaner has one and so they typically have a name. Theirs was named Suzie) Once the garment is fit over Suzie, the station operator steps on a large metal pedal that emits enough steam from within Suzie to puff out the garment and instantly steam it. After the steaming, some articles go to a long press and some go to a “hand-ironing” station. After each garment is steamed, pressed and or ironed, they are hung on hangers and pinned with a small numbered tag that corresponds to the number on the ticket originally given to the customer when they drop off their clothes. This whole process goes from left to right until the clothes are then bound together in sections with twisty ties and covered in plastic with the customer's receipt stapled to the plastic. The customer then picks up their order, pays and makes haste to their closet where the white noise of clothes hanging in the wrong direction ensues.

After my back stage tour, I explained how it all made sense to me why the garments were hung the direction they were on the hangers. I explained to the owner that it all made sense to me now and that I understood the garments are hung on the hangers the way they are because the assembly line moved from left to right and you always have the next station in the line receiving the garment from the left and facing them head-on….as is necessary. He smiled upon my “seeing the light” with an almost perceptible sense of satisfaction. I thanked him very much for my tour and left. What I didn’t share with him was that the problem with this process is that it values the employees’ need to see the garments in a convenient head-on fashion but not the end user or customers’ need to.

The owner of the dry cleaner mentioned, before I left, that if I was unhappy with the direction of the shirt on the hanger I could always change hangers as many other customers do. Not only do I find it hard to believe that even five percent of any dry cleaner’s customer are taking their shirts off of the wire hangers and putting them on some other sort of customized hanger in their closet, but if I had the time to do that, I’d probably be washing and pressing my own shirts.  

The easiest way to microfine this process is clearly for the owner/operator to change the direction of their assembly line from LEFT TO RIGHT to RIGHT TO LEFT. This would ensure everyone in-house and at home had the same advantage of viewing the garments in an advantageous fashion (pun intended).

This change would bear only a nominal expense of moving the machines and stations to the opposite side of the store. Doing this would maintain their current efficiency and likely increase their sales exponentially over time due to the fact that the service they are providing is largely identical to their competitors with one exception…they would have a growing base of customers who, perhaps inexplicably, prefer this dry cleaner over another even though they might not be cognizant as to precisely why. The fact, alone, that it would make a customer’s life even the tiniest bit easier, in my mind, is a strong enough case to change the conventional system this operator employs.

This one man’s kindness in offering me a behind-the-scenes  tour of his business, left me with an indelible reminder of the value in consciously considering the lifespan of any product or service beyond the initial point of transaction and the advantage of offering even the subtlest of convenience(s) for one’s customers in a competitive marketplace. 

Risk & Expected Returns: The Applicability of Rock Paper Scissors

NEGOTIATING WITH:

My two laws regarding negotiating are simple:

1. Don't even begin the process until you are armed with an advisor who is experienced and appropriately incentivized

and

2. Don't counter if you can't walk away.

After three years as a Dad, my dimensional understanding of negotiating has broadened into recognizing the need to eliminate risk from the outset. This principle can be witnessed in our home quite regularly as I often pre-select two or more equally appropriate options and allow our daughter to choose one...or pre-select one option out of two that I know my daughter will find extremely undesirable. The result: a win-win 100% of the time. Slanting the field to my advantage is necessary. I can't win otherwise...and if i do, it's a Pyrrhic victory due to the loss of time and stress that ensues.

You’ve heard it before: “Negotiate like a 3 year old.” ...or is it “Negotiate like a 2yr old”?  Or is it "Don't negotiate with a 2 yr old"?  Regardless... dealing with young children can be difficult to say the least but insightful.  They are irrational. They won’t take “No” for an answer, They can have an unlimited supply of whining and tears to gradually wear you down and their idea of compromise is re-wording the same demand over and over. (I've faced clients like this as well).  These tactics reveal themselves both in daily "transaction interactions" and in the games children play themselves as well.

Take, for instance, Rock Paper Scissors. I thought about how this (like many other things my daughter has reintroduced me to) might translate into my line of  business….and here’s what I came up with:

A parallel application I call "Bully Beg Buy" which can be utilized upon entering into negotiations that are already in progress with two or more parties competing for the same thing.

BULLY (A.K.A. ROCK)

Bullying functions when one party inflicts fear on another and fear is a great motivator…not the best, but certainly stronger than calculated gains due to the fact that it breaks through the walls of logic and plays heavily on the emotional reaction to imagined physical or social suffering. The instinct to survive socially or even politically within one's professional circles can be the weaker party's Achilles' heel. The flip side of that coin, however is that in negotiations or transactions that involve more than just two parties, bullying as a means to attain an advantage over multiple parties may not work so well. For example: One party pressuring another party to sell to them. In this simple bilateral negotiation, the selling party may be under duress to sell to the bullying party and so the tactic works…but add to this equation another variable such as an additional interested party or a trilateral (or tripartite) agreement upon which the bilateral negotiations rely. The later party’s consideration supporting the promise of the other two parties, (a contingency by definition) is imperative. In a case such as this or in any where there are more than two parties, it is unlikely that the bullying will have an equal impact across degrees of separation. I have seen this diluted pressure often result in the third party coming to the table out of undue influence... but eventually finding and exercising a way to circumvent the transaction via a loop-hole or by intentionally causing some contingency to fail being met prior to closing. “Bully” is vulnerable and that vulnerability resides, predominately, on an emotional level…which brings us to the power of "BEG".

BEG (A.K.A. PAPER)

Consult any management or social psychology reference and you will learn that people like talking about themselves. It’s because of the developed ego and sense of self in which we take great stock. People like to feel important. The #1 word used in every language around the globe is “I”…it is for this reason that, all things being equal, when one party (in the case mentioned above: the selling party) is presented with an opportunity to feel strong, important, powerful and/or benevolent, they will most often choose that over the opportunity to feel like a victim. Especially if a negotiation is already in progress and the pressure of "BULLY" is being felt. It’s in this instance that the bullying has likely been taking an emotional toll on the selling party and "BEG" not only offers some relief but also presents a safe exit.

BUY (A.K.A. SCISSORS)

Although "BEG" beats "BULLY", bullying and the desire for physical, social or political preservation are often outweighed by the desire for financial gain. After all, what good is money if your dead or worse…a social, political or business-world outcast? "BUY", however does beat "BEG" and it's benefit of making someone feel benevolent. Nothing makes most people feel more powerful, smart or strong than significant financial gain…remember, they can always imagine purchasing social or political collateral such as popularity and be a little benevolent / charitable with some of those large profits later.

Like Rock Paper Scissors, the trick to this method of negotiating relies heavily on two rather large assumptions. The first: that you know which hand all competing parties are going to throw (thus the arena defined as: negotiations already in progress) and two: that no two parties throw the same hand.

Swim With The Sharks: Swimming Lessons at The Local College

"The single greatest mistake a manager can make is not getting out of the way! Provide goals, resources, and leadership... Knowing when to get out of the way is the key."

-Harvey Mackay: Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive

Replication: A Few Interesting Similarities Between South Dakota and Pennsylvania

Far from being South Dakota's doppleganger, Philadelphia, PA has a population density 10xs greater than that of Sioux Falls, SD and is mentioned in way more songs... but there are some interesting similarities between the two.

Although Pennsylvania is aptly named for the amount of lush foliage and bucolic rolling tree-covered hills that more often call to mind more European landscapes than those of the open and primarily flat prairies of the Midwest; both states share a relatively similar size and shape.

The physical location of each state's major city: PA's Philadelphia and SD's Sioux Falls are not only located in the southeast corners of their respective state but also share the unique proximity to several other regional hubs a relatively short drive away. For Sioux Falls it's: Omaha, Nebraska,   Minneapolis-St.Paul, Minnesota  and Des Moines, Iowa whereas Philadelphia is proximal to: Wilmington, DE,   New York City,   Cherry Hill, New Jersey,  Baltimore, Maryland  and Washington, D.C. .

Both States have major "sister cities" a 5-6hr drive to the west. In Philadelphia it's Pittsburgh and in Sioux Falls, it's Rapid City. Both of which are the state's largest city closest to it's western boarders and neither one really has a hockey team.

Both states share significance with regards to historic battles (Indian Wars vs. Wars for Independence) and are home to some of America's most inspiring symbols of freedom and democracy as well...most notably: Mt. Rushmore, Independence Hall & The Liberty Bell. 

Both states also share some space with more socially (and electronically) independent sub-cultures of religious groups founded largely in-part by men named Jakob. In PA, the Jakob Ammann formed Amish & Mennonites and in SD, the Jakob Hutter founded Huttterites. Both trace their roots back to to the Radical Reformation of the 16th century and are easily identified by their simple living, plain dress and wonderful baked goods at local farmers' markets.

Fortune Magazine and US News both conduct annual reviews and ratings for over 24,000 public schools throughout the country. The more notable (ie; Radnor, Lower Merion, Haverford, Trediffryn/Easttown, Unionville-Chadsford, etc...) in the affluent western suburbs of Philadelphia  (known as the Main Line) rank in the high 700s to low 800s out of 24,000+....ironically the same rankings as the local public schools in Sioux Falls, SD (namely: Roosevelt, Lincoln and Harrisburg.) Whether we elect to send our daughter to public or private school, the fact remains that public school systems this strong, speak volumes about both areas politically as well as culturally. 

We've only been here for about four months so stay tuned for more interesting similarities between these two states.... 

Lifestyle Center: Children's Beds That Create Live-Work-Play Bedrooms.

Catherine loves sleeping in our bed because it's "so comfy!"...and it is! We couldn't wait until we found a big-girl bed in which to place her very own plush-top Heavenly Bed.

I stopped inside a shop a few months ago called: "Kids 2 College Furniture" which I had, mistakenly, assumed was a "dorm-room" furniture shop for teens and 18yr old "kids [going] 2 college". I poked my head in to check it out after my 3yr old daughter spotted miniature hand painted rocking chairs outside their front door. I was amazed to find Full and Twin beds for children that convert ( I know what you're thinking as I bought a "convertible" crib-bed that meant: gradually taking it apart piece-by-piece until there were no walls left around the mattress) from bunk bed castles for boys and girls to modular study/homework centers under loft beds with hidden Murphy beds for guests (that are as easy to pull down as opening a drawer) or four-poster canopy beds.  

I was stoked to find this place as my wife and I had been trying to convince Catherine that she would love a "Princess Bed" (4 poster with canopy) but she insisted that she needs "a bed with a ladder so that Alligators can't get [her]" and so that she can "rescue her dolls from mud-slides below with [her] Diego lasso".

Check out their website: http://www.kids2collegefurniture.com.  One of these "build-your-own" display models, in particular, has a bunk bed with a slide that converts from a castle themed play area. The ladders are at much more gradual incline than Pottery Barn beds and the extra wide "rungs"/steps are grooved for additional traction. All this and a safety railing for additional peace of mind.  The guy came after breakfast and the whole thing was put together in time to load the shelves with books before nap time.

The Right Tools for The Right Job: Chopsticks for Kids

Catherine had been asking for her own chopsticks ever since she first saw Mommy and Daddy using them...but her lack of dexterity never seemed to deter her from trying, so hard, to eat with them.

With the use of a rubber band, any take-away sticks can easily be transformed into "training sticks".

The tremendous sense of pride and enjoyment that results from "Doing it!!!" is well worth the additional two minutes of our time.

Bread & Butter: Spotting Talent to Fuel CBDs

While having brunch with my family at a downtown delicatessen the other day, I had the surprising good fortune to enjoy a slice of the best raisin bread I've ever had. So good in fact that I asked the server if they could give me the contact information for the bakery that supplied it...only to discover that it wasn't made by a bakery at all but by a local guy out of his mother's garage-turned-commissary. 

After several phone calls and a long lunch, I realized that this baker represented more than just an advisory engagement opportunity for me.  After determining his options for a sustainable business platform I quickly realized that this young man (and his uncanny ability to produce some of the best breads I've ever eaten) represented something more profound: The endangered demand for quality products in lieu of convenience. 

David Napolitano is making incredible bread and supplying a small local specialty grocer along with two or three eateries in town but the demand for his product is sure to outpace his ability to produce it. In order for David to continue making bread at a profit, he is forced to either a.) Charge a price beyond what the market will bear. b.) Outsource the production to a larger scale manufacturing facility---in which case product quality will suffer or c.) Collaborate with a complementary concept (such as a cafe, restaurant or bulk olive oil retailer) with both a scaleable platform (ie; starting as an artisan "open kitchen" bread studio) and significant financial resources in place to incorporate an additional revenue center into their operation for payroll to support a wider supply and delivery radius or ancillary supply channels like boutique / luxury hotels, etc...

Its sad to imagine my daughter growing up in the absence of  "downtown neighborhoods" with retailers like this. But almost gone are the days where local artisans and craftsman line the streets with their shops ie; specialty bakeries, cobblers or coffee roasters indigenous to every town. Granted....more and more Dean & Deluccas and Food Halls style gourmet eatery markets are popping up in most major US cities but outside those densely packed urban areas, suburbanites are driving to lifestlye-centers and super-grocery chains instead of the local town butcher, baker, candlestick maker or farmers' market.

Central Business Districts (CBDs) are the lifeblood and identifying character of any community but without operational systems for replication and mass production in place....master bakers (or coffee roasters, etc...) are saddled with the reality that although they will always be able to pay the rent, surround themselves with like-minded individuals and perhaps have a nice life living above their shop toiling away for 80hrs a week...they'll never realize the fortunes reserved for one stop shop food warehouses and most chain restaurants. Many will argue that franchises are the answer. Most of whom (save for a few with incredible brand equity and operational support in place) most often charge franchisees without sufficient experience (but plenty of passion) $30k for the right to use their name, "formula" and recipes but generally fail to deliver on the all important and imperative component ...the "secret sauce" or "genuine experience" which is only really provided by those who walk and breath their product or service...as the aforementioned artisan.  Its that "wow factor" that is delivered by committed people who love what they are doing and are working in concert with an experienced team.

In exchange for maintaining the integrity of their small-batch products many artisans like Napolitano are often exiled into obscurity... Unless they write a book or land on a food network show or... garner regular support from their neighbors. They are often underpaid and undervalued by the masses who pay their cable companies more than they pay their teachers...and choose their bread based on value and calories or even more ironic....the amount of carbohydrates per slice. 

Meeting David was like meeting Picasso. You could no less mass produce his product than you could mass produce him. Making bread is more than a culinary art. You're not just working with inert ingredients and measuring spoons. Yeast is a living thing and working with dough requires, touch, taste, smell, sound...its a living breathing thing affected by everything from sea level to humidity.  When I considered the great chefs I've worked with, I realized that although they were incredible artists and efficient kitchen managers...they were also able to cross-train and coach. Mentor and develop.  And that's what David needs...a venue in which to build systems, infrastructure and staffing levels that support a cross-training and development programs. He needs help creating a platform to turn people into bakers making bread his way so that he can share it with (or from) more downtown shops and not be forced to grow old above any one of them.

Its not enough to be great at what you do. The real value is in collaborating with and developing people within structured and managed systems. Perhaps that truth will transcend restaurants & hospitality and will, someday, prove relevant to my daughter in some other way. Until then, I'm stuck with my own frame of reference...and my own delicious raisin bread.

Impact Fees: The Hidden Costs of Two Income Families

When both Mom and Dad are both working full-time, it doesn’t leave much time to take care of the basics. Grocery shopping and filling the car up with gas can often prove a challenging fit into one’s schedule… let alone the little things like: laundry, house cleaning, lawn & garden care, dog walking and feeding, picking up the kids because you can’t leave work at 3:00 in the afternoon…little things like that.

The amount of time it takes to run a household adds up fast…especially when you consider the fact that unless you have another family member living with you (like a mother or mother-in-law) you need to pay someone to help with the day-to-day chores and errands.

The bottom line? If you’re thinking about going back to work once the kid(s) are in school full-time, you should consider the direct impact by weighing the tangible expenses of doing so…or rather ensure that your return to the work force will yield an income that outweighs the cost savings of staying home (calculated below).

House Cleaner: $7,200+/yr.

Babysitter / Nanny: $12,000 - $35,000+/yr.

Dog Walker: $7,800/yr.

Summer Camp / Swim or Country Club:  $2,000 - $10,000+/yr.

Landscaping: $1,500 - $4,000+/yr.

Dry-cleaning: $1,000 - $2,000+/yr.

___________________________________________

$31,500 - $66,000+/yr.

In short, unless you’re re-entry into the job market guarantees a salary of at least $50,000+/yr.… it’s likely you won’t break-even (on paper).

But what should also be taken into consideration, if you are one of the very fortunate (and very few) Americans who are in the position to even view a 2nd income as an option, is the fact that people who do what they love are happier people. And happy people not only make better friends and better lovers but better parents too. So, if your family can sustain itself on one (or one and a half salaries) ask yourself what you love more…the fulfillment of keeping a home or the fulfillment of your former line of work.  

Back In The Driver's Seat: Re-Joining The Work Force

Now that Catherine is a full-time student, I can focus on getting back to a full-time job.

When we moved to Sioux Falls South Dakota, my rolodex became irrelevant. With no known firm behind me, no local experience and a plethora of avenues potentially open to me, I didn’t know where to start...or if it was even worth trying. After unpacking and clearing my dry-erase "deal board", I decide to replace the names of old clients and recently completed projects with the names of established local brokers, developers and restaurateurs who were likely here long enough to witness the beginning of Sioux Falls' boom first hand. The goal was to speak with 50 of the more successful business leaders to better understand from where Sioux Falls has come, where they see growth headed and what factors they perceive as potential obstacles in the way of continued growth. 

Small towns and cities like Sioux Falls are typically "good old boys clubs". Getting to know who's who is not only important to gain insight on the local market and how business is conducted, but also to know where everyone's respective toes are so that none of them are inadvertently stepped-on in the process.

When friends and colleagues back East first learned that I was moving to the Midwest, the assumption was that: I would have the market and the consumer base figured out in a matter of weeks, open a few restaurants in the first year and negotiate several large deals in the first few months. Although Sioux Falls is 1/10th the size of Philadelphia, the market is no less dynamic. The failure to recognize that would be more a sign of arrogance than of ignorance. This city is small but its experiencing rapid expansion. The growth is visible everywhere. It’s like being on a college campus. Continuous construction is everywhere and the energy is palpable. Residential construction alone has topped $56MM this year compared to $20MM in 2012 and $11MM in 2011.

The most challenging aspect of getting back to full-time work after a brief hiatus...and a new perspective, is that there now seems to be more opportunities out there than I realized. Exploring the job market in Sioux Falls is like being in New Orleans during Jazz Fest. So many great things all going on at the same time... that the quandary almost results in inaction.  In so many ways, moving to Sioux Falls is like starting over. So much so that I questioned whether or not hospitality and commercial real estate were really the right paths to continue down.  Sioux Falls is a professional blank slate with the potential to bring one's skill sets to a myriad of professions from Design to Finance.

What I learned...or rather was reminded of, after speaking with many of the old guard here, is that given my druthers, I'd do what I've always done. Although I've often dreamed of trying my hand at things like marketing and advertising, I am a CRE deal and restaurant development junkie. Any fears I may have had about passing up alternative professional opportunities were laid to rest after having coffee one morning with a prominent attorney in town who spoke of his breadth of experience in various fields of law. He "would grow bored of any one specialty after 3 or 4 years so [he] would study some new disciplines and take on new clients to keep things interesting." This ability to regularly re-invent oneself professionally and succeed in doing so, would be impossible in any large city where most service related industries are dominated by tens if not hundreds of practitioners who take the lion's share of available clients based on their extensive experience alone.

This market seems to be one where the consumer is investing more in the individual than the size of their firm. A market where personal relationships and competence rule. A market where opportunities that exist today will likely exist tomorrow. With a 3% unemployment rate and companies losing more money because of their inability to meet staffing demands; perhaps getting back in the work force won't be as difficult as I imagined...but certainly not as easy as some may think.

Focus: Learning to Tune Out The Noise

99% of the time I'm totally in love with the privilege and awe of just watching my daughter grow up....then there's the other 1% of the time I feel as though I'm a half-step away from being that strangely numbed Lieutenant who is walking through a battlefield of scorched earth with men screaming, machine guns firing, grenades being launched and mortars exploding all around him... while he has a relaxed conversation, with someone completely distracted by all the chaos, about what they might have for lunch later in the day.  

An interesting article I dug up in the Harvard Business Review blog on: Awareness, Focus & Judgement....applicable in any walk of life:

http://blogs.hbr.org/hmu/2009/01/pay-attention-an-interview-wit.html

Alternative Asset: Montessori - Our Smartest Investment

The public schools in Sioux Falls are as good as (or better) than the public schools in the affluent western suburbs of Philadelphia (US News and world reports ranks the local high-schools in Lincoln County as #1 in the state and #600 out of the 24,000+ reviewed in the entire nation). We found a Montessori School for Catherine (Baan Dek) that exceeded the expectations previously set by an exhausting three months of research and meetings with educators at almost a dozen schools back east. The facility, staff and culture at Baan Dek Montessori continues to be a source of pride and gratitude for our entire family.

The following is a letter my wife and I sent to Bobby & June George (owners of the Baan Dek Montessori):

We enrolled our 3yr old daughter in the part-time program at Baan Dek Montessori two months ago because everyone we met there seemed to exude a conscious compassion and genuine passion for education.

The more we witness the Montessori method of teaching in action, the more we realize how misguided we were in thinking that Montessori was simply a school for the over-privileged children of liberal parents who see structure as stifling.    

Over the last two months, through your workshop initiatives like “Preparation for Numeracy”, my wife and I have come to a deeper understanding of (and appreciation for) the Montessori method. We now recognize Montessori as a bridge between conceptual learning and physical comprehension...a maternal imperative, if within means, since our educational aspirations for Catherine go beyond the development of her scholastic competence. We have a sincere desire for her to comprehend the world in which we live... and be empowered to enrich it.

We now know that Baan Dek is actually an advantage, as opposed to an amenity, that we are grateful to afford our daughter and thank you for making possible.

Sincerely,

JJS

Future Value: Real Expectations for New Dads

​My Letter to a few Magazine Editors:

After letting our nanny go, I took on the seemingly easily managed task of staying home with our 2 yr old daughter. She wasn’t sufficiently potty trained  to attend a local Montessori yet... so the plan was to save money while contributing more significantly to the development of our daughter Catherine. Everything I read portrayed today's stay-at-home dads as an in vogue and growing sub-culture of creative elites and the affluent who placed family above leisure. After watching my umteenth diaper commercial featuring only dad's, I figured that I would be in good company…that there would be dad groups to join… and bonding over play dates....but what I found was quite the opposite.  You see, I don't live in Tribecca or L.A....so I was the only at-home dad in my neighborhood. And in suburban Philadelphia, most working dads are about as accepting of stay-at-home dad's as they are of drag queens.

Upon embarking on what has become a life-altering sabbatical transitioning from working dad to at-home dad, I decided to keep a journal as a form of therapy… since there was no-one with whom to commiserate. I now post those journal entries on my blog: www.dbadaddy.com

As I share the experience of taking on this, at times, overwhelming role I also share the resulting new perspectives on fatherhood. Most mainstream media continues to print articles that discuss the increasing popularity of women being the breadwinners and  fathers taking over the domestic responsibilities… but no-one seems to be addressing the incredible hurtle men face of overcoming the generations-long conditioning of gender identity. Not to say that successful professional women have it any easier...they are still very much a minority, but they do seem to share more company.

Please consider exposing the social and psychological  challenges men with successful professional wives face, when they make the decision to “stay home” with their children who aren't yet spending 5 or 6 hours a day at school.

I believe if more men knew more what to expect, they would be better prepared caregivers and not waste as much of what precious little time there is trying to figure it out. If there’s one thing I have learned…it’s the importance of understanding early-on that attempting to balance work and the full-time care of a two year old ensures that both will suffer. The benefit of staving off professional atrophy comes at the cost of a child and father both being robbed of as much joy and growth as this advantage can afford. "Leaning In" to both Mom and  Dad's career requires outsourcing... not commitment and balance.